confused thoughts

i'm glad the typing helps you
if what you need from me, is to ask the questions to encourage the typing, i'm your woman

it wasn't a typo. often we ask ourselves, what do we need from him/them/her/it - which is external, and then when we become reflective it is What do we need to do/say for ourselves to fix this. this angle is one of 'giving' back to ourselves, and requires effort without first thinking "what do i actually NEED from myself"

i have been in the place where you are. where i NEEDED to know the answer. it was a different situation, but just as all-consuming as you describe it. it's awful, and i hated every waking moment of it.

when i asked myself what i needed from me? i discovered i needed some compassion from myself and some time to let it. you might find a different answer. but it is a worthwhile question. instead of finding i needed to be told to "suck it up" which was the unhelpful advice i had given myself..... i figured out what i really needed.

Thank you Ms Fluffy_Ducks, how is it that you always just know what to say?
tonight it made me think, cry and appreciate just what beautiful people I have in my life both on line and in real life......I am blessed .....thank you so much and I just hope that you are getting something from when i write ~ fuck knows what tho?????

I learned long ago that my purpose in life is to help others, and often find people say what you said there "how is it that you know exactly what to say?" and then they burst into tears (lol sorry)

I dont know.... it's just who i am.
interestingly for my own path, i've not done much of that lately, not because i dont want to, not at all, but because i've become busy/distracted with another path that helps groups and organisations, rather than individuals. it's just as important, maybe more so...but i'm not really feeling the reward like i do when its one on one.
interestingly, since I've been on this path i'm noticing that i'm not so happy as i was before, and combined with some serious crap to deal with, have ended up sad and depressed like i haven't been in years.

if my experiences have enabled me to understand how you (and others) feel, and from those experiences i can write the things that make you feel better within yourself and therefore move on one step at a time = then that is the gift you give me, by sharing your story. if you didnt share your story, i wouldn't have so much to say

i really like this forum for it's raw honesty, and courage that people have when they come here.

xx

i think you should talk to me like i talk to you

How are you feeling Katie?

The truth ?
fuck i am so low i can't stop crying, i have been crying since 4pm ...and have smoked a shitload of weed just to try and numb myself because the thought of being straight tonight is just to horrible,
i want to write him a begging letter but i won't.

so now you tell me the truth ~ how are you feeling Ms Fluffy _ducks?

i'm really sorry to hear that

today is a good day for me. had a really nice cruisy day with no stress, just a bit of housework, a lovely dinner and now i'm chilling at home.
thanks for asking xx

hi Katie... so sorry.

yes, I too like to sleep to get away from feeling....but I cant even do that properly.. have to always take pills to sleep.

even harder than not having someone we want to love us, is not loving ourselves.

=(

just talk when your able. im suffering wet eyes today. horrid day. but still...i have things others dont. not everyone who feels bad even has a computer etc to be able to share, i always TRY to look for a good point...just gets hard sometimes. lol.

XOX

Just reread........I used to drink to numb...makes us end up more depressed and more mixed up.

But I still know the feeling of wanting desperatly numb. feelings hurt so bloody much hey,
XO

Something I miss or crave, is the need for touch....just to feel someone rubbing your back after you have had a good private melt down...just someone to care.... do you feel emptiness inside....see, in AA, that is why the say we desire to have numb...to deaden the empty....

I shall post a link to an AA blog that, when i am sensible I read, you may or others may choose to read it, and if it just gives one person a sense of hope and belonging...all good hey.

http://www.aatftd.blogspot.co.nz/

For me, AA is the only place I have ever gone to...and felt I fitted! unfortunatley, its too hard to get to meetings regualarly at present. ANd with the whole depression thing...is so easy to fall away from the whole plan, and sponsor etc...when I need to be talking, I clam up tight...grr.

thank you..while i use drinking and drugs it is to escape the pain of my man leaving me ~ it was so bad that at one stage, just recently, i was having what i thought were withdrawal symptoms from the amount of stuff i was taking to numb me so stopped that all but the feelings of 'withdrawal' continued, (only way i can describe it is like when i have tried to give up smoking cigarettes in the past, the bad feeling of withdrawing from nicotine, so bad for a while you think u will go mad)i couldn't work out what it was, it didn't matter what i took that feeling would not go away, i then realized i was having withdrawal symptoms from him, as weird as that sounds, they continued for the 4-5 weeks after we stopped having any contact and have lessened but it is still so fucken hard to get through the day with out him and so now only 'escape' if i just can not stand another moment without him...thank God for sleeping pills to allow you to escape, even just for a while.
I just miss him still so much, i hate being like this, i know that its up to me to get over him, i know he is bad for me and hurt me , i know i should be happy and love myself with out a man, i can and have done all this but with him, i love and miss him so much life is so pointless with out him and the only way for me to keep going is to hope that maybe we will be together but the longer i don't hear from him the more i just give up and every day i am with out him is worse than the day before...i have a good job that puts me in contact with men and i get asked out but couldn't, i have wonderful friends , a great daughter but i am so fucken broken by him i don't think i can ever be fixed.
i try to stay busy all the time, even to the point of making myself read on the bus and any spare moment i have because it hurts to much to think about him, i have to try to pretend he never existed, but there are times a thought will pop into my brain about him and i just have to hold myself around my waist because the pain is so bad

I have a friend who tells me to dive deep into the feelings...and just feel them, almost like you are watching them...and see where they take you etc...im not much good at it. I tend to ..try to hide feelings even from myself...I dont like them. I never know where to put them! Silly things.

I guess the best we can do is to try and learn from them....and not repeat the bad ones...

SO know and understand sleeping the feelings and pain away from our reality.

DO try to keep reading if you are able, thats good you can.

We all just go on.

XOX