Its Very Quiet

Not much is happening here is it? I click on the View New Posts thing and often there aren't any new posts.

Im thinking some of that has to do with the Clothes Shopping thread, and people leaving or not being so willing to post. But what can we do to change it, to get people posting? A forum, for whatever its good intentions, in order to be any use, needs to have people posting on it. Anyone got any ideas?

Well I will be upfront and say that is certainly why I haven't been posting.
I have been waiting for at least some sort of response from Paddy. It's sad that some people have felt unsafe here or really let down by management, myself included.

I have been considering leaving too... but I feel very conflicted about that because of the connections I have made here and also don't want to cut out a support resource when I'm struggling so much with my depression lately.

I dunno what to do.

I've been busy doing other things and haven't been checking in as much.

Well I am here and glad to be so, I have been working nights so feel a bit too shagged to sit in front of the computer and feel sorrry for myself which I do.

But I take ownership of having my own pity parties and don't inflict them on others unless its a real crying jag.

Then I do I am ashamed to admit, my depression seems overwhelming too sometimes and the heart searing pain just too much, but I am responsible for that too.

I think that's what Paddy was addressing with regard to someone who just left the board. His choice.

Isn't it quiet - except for that annoying mosquito-like Whine I keep hearing.

Where is my fly swat? Spat!

Paddy.

Hugs from all the teddy bears here to whoever needs a bear hug!! What would I do without my teddies?......

Paddy, here is what concerns and appalls me about your behaviour in recent days. I hope I am presenting them in a tone that will not get me banned:

• You let your own personal hangups interfere with your ability to moderate objectively.
  
• Your "it's my way or the highway - like it or lump it" attitude.
  
• You never explained what rule is being broken, or helped to clarify your position so others don't suffer a similar wrath. You mention trademe. While they don't explain all moderator actions, they have a clear set of rules.
  
• You judge and attack your own members based on mistakes they've made in the past! This is what appalls me the most. How is that supportive of people with mental illness? Don't you realise that criminal convictions are much more prevalent amongst people with mental illness? Can any/every member here with a criminal conviction expect to be judged and attacked by you? So much for a supportive environment. This doesnt only affect those people with convictions, but ANY TBBD member who no longer feels comfortable to share because of how quick you are to judge them.
  
• How unprofessional you've been about this whole issue, essentially ignoring it and wishing it would go away until it didn't. Then replying with "Get over it".
  

If it was just your ridiculous call about Roswell's post, it might not have been so bad, but your behaviour and actions since have really made things a lot worse. I strongly recommend you reflect on your actions and admit that you've made some very unfortunate mistakes here.

I haven't been on much lately coz my computer wouldn't load the site for the last few days. But before that I'd noticed it had been quite quiet as well.

I have been unsure whether to post or not. I respect everyones opinion but recently the posts have me feel very uneasy and threatened. For me depression is a very real disease and I constantly live under a black cloud so the postings of TBBD lately have me more depressed than ever. So this is my first post in a while and Im hoping it wont be the last. Im not whining or complaining so dont get me wrong but these are my reasons for not posting recently. So take care everyone and for once im going to take that advice too.

IBMAREE wrote:I have been unsure whether to post or not. I respect everyones opinion but recently the posts have me feel very uneasy and threatened. For me depression is a very real disease and I constantly live under a black cloud so the postings of TBBD lately have me more depressed than ever. So this is my first post in a while and Im hoping it wont be the last. Im not whining or complaining so dont get me wrong but these are my reasons for not posting recently. So take care everyone and for once im going to take that advice too.

Thank you IBMAREE for posting your message, It is how I also feel. TBBD needs to regroup and with some time it will get back to the supportive site that I have been very grateful to be a member of.

I have been away 'stressing' about life stuff and coming on here wasn't helping. I hope those who are hurting over the recent posts are safe.

Sooooo love and hugs to all.

Evening All.

I certainly have not been hiding – I’ve simply not been Logged In as often. I have spent many hours just rereading ‘stuff’ on the Board, except from I must say, The Ladies Room. I did stay out of there.

It’s been an interesting and enlightening few days of reading, remembering, contemplating and walks and scoots in the sunshine (and rain) and a lot of Shortbread have given their All to the Cause.

One of my options, dismissed quite early on in the peace but which holds some appeal still is to simply say ‘Fuckit, I can’t be bothered even trying anymore’ and close TBBD down.’ Relax. I’m not.

I asked myself why should someone like me care about trying to foster a venue like TBBD when groups and professionals whose jobs it should be to extend their reach into communities by more modern means, don’t friggin well seem to? My temporary Best Answer to date is ‘cos I can. I’m still looking for a more ‘satisfyingly rewarding’ answer.

Then I thought of the stuff like more housework which I’d have no excuse for ignoring if I couldn’t say I was on the computer TBBD-ing and anyway, who really needs more housework? So, I binned that idea.

Another option was to realise from the evidence of the Board itself that by and large I don’t do too badly trying to keep this place going.

And that I was and had been doing so in a way that is generally safe for the majority given the time TBBD has been available for others to use;

And that if one, being both an amateur site host and fellow Adventurer along the merry path of Mental Illness does ones best with the best of intentions on any given day, then one can’t be asked or expected to better that – trying ones best.

So, that is where I’m at. Trying, as usual.

TBBD will be probably never be suitable for everyone. It is unrealistic to think otherwise. Nor does anyone have an automatic or lasting ‘right’ of membership. That is how I try to keep this place Spammer-Free.

I will never please everyone. That sounds familiar.

Could I have done better? Not that or any other day in the past here at TBBD. Have I learned anything? Yep.

Paddy.
Admin etc.

I wouldn't worry about it too much Paddy. This kind of thing happens on forums all the time.

Re Clothes shopping .... Well, the other thread may be ‘closed’ but this one isn’t. I have waited for quite a while to post on here – combination of having the time and/or energy to say what I think, and watching the posts as they have appeared.

I did not pick up anything wrong with Roswell’s first post as I have known – from the chatroom – that Ros has quite a few people in his life. Some of us have been here quite a long time and have chatted a lot.

When I read Paddy’s post referring to ‘public record’ I said ‘oh no’ (out loud) ...... it is is neither right nor fair to bring up someone’s past – this had absolutely no relation to the original subject.

Parts of Paddy’s post dated 27.3.11 are totally unacceptable and judgemental. (to say the least) Just because one doesn’t understand something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Roswell should not have to justify his past, on here. He HAS expressed, and owned, guilt and shame regarding his offending, and paid the price.

I do think that a better course of action would have been a PM to Roswell from Paddy (Admin) just pointing out a concern and maybe suggesting Roswell either clarify his original post or write another post giving a bit more info, for people who read into the original post something more sinister. He could have explained that more family members were present at the time.

Perhaps Paddy needs to write himself a strategy to follow when these kind of things happen – including: first response to be a PM, followed by .... (whatever he believes is OK)

I have now talked to Paddy about his posts regarding this matter. He doesn’t want to talk to me about it any more.

I also have mentioned, on a couple of occasions, about supervision for Paddy – when one is dealing with people in a ‘helping way’ it is a very good thing to have supervision. I have suggested he could approach a minister of a church (or whoever, as I realise that Marton has a very restricted range of services) to ask if someone would be prepared to meet on a regular basis – ministers now often have counselling training. We know Paddy has been ‘simply me doing my best’ (as he puts it) and I have been grateful for TBBD .... but I do believe supervision could be very beneficial. (I have had supervision in the past, and have it now with an organisation I am involved in, so I know how helpful and necessary it is)

No wonder it’s been quiet on TBBD – I wonder if, like me, people are a bit concerned about posting about their past, in case it is brought up at some later date to ‘bash’ them with.

Has the site been adversely affected? Time will tell. ........................ Daze

daze7 wrote:
No wonder it’s been quiet on TBBD – I wonder if, like me, people are a bit concerned about posting about their past, in case it is brought up at some later date to ‘bash’ them with.

This!
So much this!

Daze for admin 2011.

Daze.

From posts I have read in the past I believe you may be Paddy's sister.
I commend you for your post, and for telling Paddy how it really is.

'doing my best' is a cop out people use when they know they have made a mistake but are not big enough to admit it.

Ros was rightly very angry and hurt by Paddy's nasty comments at the time he left the group and would appreciate the many comments that have been supportive of him over the past two weeks.

Those who didn't get involved or were upset by the posts, I feel for you. Dont let this affect your own mental health.

I went to the trade me boards thinking how much I miss you lot and having someone to talk at, but the first logon I saw was Paddy so I did not stay. I wish there was somewhere else.

And I'm not staying here. Just wanted to log on to say thank you Daze, JK and all those who have recognised, and posted that an admin should treat members with respect.

Wowinnz

Hello Wowinnz - nice to see you again. I am Paddy's 'adopted' sister and he is my 'adopted' brother! ... Daze

PS I meant to say in my other post that I know we have lost 2 valuable members of the team here. Please give my best wishes to Roswell, and that goes for you too.

me too - I echo Daze's comments

Thanks Paddy for starting here, It has worked well in most instances.

Hey Daze, thanks for the post, I don't think this is really going to finish well, if at all.

I am very upset that people now feel unsafe on this site, I know that it should not be the way.

What a mess.

Thank you Daze and Mylife.

daze7 wrote:Re Clothes shopping .... Well, the other thread may be ‘closed’ but this one isn’t. I have waited for quite a while to post on here – combination of having the time and/or energy to say what I think, and watching the posts as they have appeared.

I did not pick up anything wrong with Roswell’s first post as I have known – from the chatroom – that Ros has quite a few people in his life. Some of us have been here quite a long time and have chatted a lot.

When I read Paddy’s post referring to ‘public record’ I said ‘oh no’ (out loud) ...... it is is neither right nor fair to bring up someone’s past – this had absolutely no relation to the original subject.

Parts of Paddy’s post dated 27.3.11 are totally unacceptable and judgemental. (to say the least) Just because one doesn’t understand something, doesn’t mean it doesn’t exist.

Roswell should not have to justify his past, on here. He HAS expressed, and owned, guilt and shame regarding his offending, and paid the price.

I do think that a better course of action would have been a PM to Roswell from Paddy (Admin) just pointing out a concern and maybe suggesting Roswell either clarify his original post or write another post giving a bit more info, for people who read into the original post something more sinister. He could have explained that more family members were present at the time.

Perhaps Paddy needs to write himself a strategy to follow when these kind of things happen – including: first response to be a PM, followed by .... (whatever he believes is OK)

I have now talked to Paddy about his posts regarding this matter. He doesn’t want to talk to me about it any more.

I also have mentioned, on a couple of occasions, about supervision for Paddy – when one is dealing with people in a ‘helping way’ it is a very good thing to have supervision. I have suggested he could approach a minister of a church (or whoever, as I realise that Marton has a very restricted range of services) to ask if someone would be prepared to meet on a regular basis – ministers now often have counselling training. We know Paddy has been ‘simply me doing my best’ (as he puts it) and I have been grateful for TBBD .... but I do believe supervision could be very beneficial. (I have had supervision in the past, and have it now with an organisation I am involved in, so I know how helpful and necessary it is)

No wonder it’s been quiet on TBBD – I wonder if, like me, people are a bit concerned about posting about their past, in case it is brought up at some later date to ‘bash’ them with.

Has the site been adversely affected? Time will tell. ........................ Daze

I'm quoting Daze's whole post because I agree with all of it. I too have been reading but not posting anything because I didn't feel I had enough energy to express what I wanted to say in the way I wanted to say it. I'm still not sure I do, but Daze has said pretty much everything I was thinking. I'm now feeling worried about sharing anything on here (or even in private with paddy) again, should it be dragged up if I post something that is perceived to be inappropriate. We can never make sure that all posts are trigger free for every single person. I would never ever have imagined that something as seemingly innocent as Roswell's first post in the clothes shopping thread would be seen as so inappropriate for this site. If I (or another female member) had posted the exact same thing would that have also been unacceptable for TBBD? Females are abusers too. This "No more of this type of Post or Thread here at TBBD thank you Roswell – and everyone one else here too." said by Paddy in the first thread made me think...what is appropriate then? If I post about taking my niece out to the beach to spend some time with her because we haven't been spending much time together lately, is that inappropriate? What if I post about how the neighbours two girls love coming over here because i'm happy to sit down and play with them, which they don't get at home, would that be inappropriate? I never would have thought so, but now i'm not sure. If someone is still at the stage in their healing journey where such a thing would trigger them then there are many other things posted on this site i'm sure, that could be upsetting for them. To a degree, it needs to come down to personal responsibility with what sites people visit depending on what they feel they can cope with. In the past I would have happily recommended this site to others but now I wouldn't. It doesn't feel like a safe place to be any more...which is very sad

Hi guys, please check out this thread about a new temporary forum I've set up. I hope you come over.

https://thebigblackdog.forumotion.net/t2309-a-temporary-anonymous-forum

I was upset to see Paddy talk about maybe closing TBBD down as I feel the site has now become more than just one person. Maybe if he needs a break he can share the load with another moderator or even pass on the mantle. Starting TBBD has been an amazing accomplishment and has helped many people but should everything that is said be 'judged' by the values of just one person? Having more than one moderator may put a different perspective on topics that are very close to one but may be looked at more objectively by the other.

Apart from that I totally agree 100% with what Daze had to say. Coming from Daze the comments would carry a lot of weight with Paddy as I know he respects her opinions a lot.

I must say I am pleased I haven't put too much personal stuff on here as even when not feeling sensitive it would be very hard to have the past dragged up at random because someone was having a bad day or didn't agree with something I happened to say which had nothing whatsoever to do with past events. That kind of thing can really devastate a person and, if they are on the edge already, send them right over. It is to prevent that kind of thing happening again that it may be a good idea to have at least two moderators to make TBBD a safe place to post again in the knowledge that what is said on TBBD is treated with respect and confidentiality and not used as a weapon at some future time.

I may be banned for this opinion but I hope not.