JUST WANT TO SCREAM!!!

I am really struggling with my emotions,one minute Im happy and calm,the next Im stressed out and wanting to hit someone(mainly my husband) then Im all happy again.for example this morning I was grumpy and then went to the supermarket where I spent the next hour walking around like a zombie doing the groceries,walking past items I needed having to go back sometimes several times because I would go back but forget why(we had bubs up most of the night from midnight till 5am!!)then got home and was wide awake,happy clearing out the cupboards then washing and sterilising bottles and had little miss lily helping me with the dishes then I turned into a tired grumpy sad sack bitch.
I would say things to hubby and he was asking if I was trying to start an argument and yes sometimes I was because he doesnt listen,my marriage seems to be crumbling or its great,no inbetween.he spends far too much time on his computer and always has and its impacting me,I KNEW this when I married him but he was only 22 I thought he would grow out of it(should of looked at his father for insight,he hasnt grown out of it),hes not as bad as he was but still pretty bad.I thought with Trista being born and us having 2 under 2 to care for would show him he doesnt really have the time for the computer and his games but no he seems to force things to make time.I was actually looking forward to us both having less time on our computers(I got mine coz I got sick of being bored and lonely while he played on his)and more time as a family and getting to know each other again.I have put up with this crap for 3 friggin years,THIS IS NOT HOW A MARRIAGE SHOULD BE!you are probably wondering why I havent talked to him about this...I have several times over the past 3 years at first he admitted it was a problem and we would do this that and the other,no soulution lasted more than 2 weeks.at the moment I am stressed trying to keep the house in order,have the kids needs met,trying to figure out how I will cope when he goes back to work and also have time to just have a bloody shower...I NEED him right now,I have tried to talk to him and tell him he needs less time on the computer,I have told him I feel like me and the kids come 2nd,HE cant see the problem anymore meaning its going to be less likely to be resolved.
He gets angry and defensive,I asked him why we are even together and he said he loved me,I told him that I find that hard to believe anymore and I think I hurt him,but I am hurt too!!

Our wedding anniversary is on the 26th,its our 2nd but I dont even want to celebrate it,it doesnt feel like a real marriage I dont know what the hell to do anymore I really dont.I need to talk to him otherwise we wont be having a 3rd wedding anniversary(assuming we make it to our 2nd).I knew having the added stress of children puts a strain on your marriage but never thought it would be to this extent,its not just having another child,its older deeper issues aswell,I just have no idea how to broach the subject
I really hate things,Im 21,Im a mother of 2 and a housewife which I love but I have alot more responsibility than alot of people my age who are still studying,flatting,partying every weekend.I threw myself into the adult world younger than I should of and while I dont regret it I do wonder what if I had done things differently.

SORRY for my long vent I just need to get it out!!

*hugs*

Hope you fell better for venting hun.

Hope you manage to hang in there.

Hi Lifey, Sorry you're feeling stressed out! no wonder though, you just had a baby very recently - hormones all over the place. Have you considered couples counselling - an independent, detached person can sometimes be of great value - some of the strategies worth considering might be contracts, time out, time together. It's so hard to get a balance with life but especially if one person is not listening to or understanding the other. Hope you feel better getting it off your chest! ... daze

I think couples counselling may be a good idea.we were going to have couples counselling through the courts this time last year when our marriage was hanging by a thread(I did something very stupid and am very lucky he didnt walk out on me)but it never eventuated.i need him to see how bad it is from my POV,from his POV I think he sees everything as being fine,but if its not fine for me then there is a problem.ive turned into this horrible nasty person and resent him for things and I dont want to be this person anymore!!

Hey, I have just read this, and it was like reading my life again! we were the young parents, my hubby was married to the computer and the list goes on.

All I can say is, Be kind to yourself, you have a beautiful little newborn and toddler. So what if you are grumpy, you are allowed to be. Do you have family or friends close by that could help you around the house? let you have a rest while they looked after kids??

I too did the whole marriage councelling thing this year, was great, but realised afterwards that until I 'liked' myself FIRST, the 'bad' marriage was not going to go away, the resentment (sp) I felt towards him, me, the marriage my whole life in general was too over powering. I have now got myself my own councelling (free!) thru my doctor and that has helped sooo much.

Be proud of what you HAVE achieved at your age. And keep on keeping on HERE!

Hi Lifey, im not sure if you remember me but we chatted in the chat room a few days ago!

Dont feel bad about venting we all need to and there are heaps of listeners here with some good advice! 2 children under 2? Wow, you are a hero in my book! But even heroes need side kicks and thats where your partner comes in! I feel like 3rd wheel sometimes as im sure my partner has more of a relationship with his Xbox then me! But we need to talk to them and ask for help! Maybe you could use a diary or something and schedule times he can go on computer and times for family things and then times for daddy and kids without you! (Probably a really silly idea, but it works for me) Im lost without my diary as i need to write everything down and plan days or else i wont get out of bed or get dressed in the morning! Couples counselling is on my list of things to do too, it might help us understand each other better and why we say and do the things we do and teach us to be nicer to each other cos at the end of the day we do love each other but just mess up all the time!

Good luck lifey, life should be great and it will be!

Hope to talk soon!