spinning out of control thanks to mental health services

For the past four weeks I have been slipping further into what i think is depression. I've lost interest in everything around me, and find that I exist on autopilot much of the day. While i am still managing to go to work for 1.5hours a day, walk the dogs and feed the horse everything else has stopped. I'm a post grad full time thesis student, but can't remember when I last looked at my study. Instead I seem to always be crying or screaming at people, my animals or I run and hide under the bedcovers seeking sleep rather then sitting with the internal pain and struggle.

It's been a long battle trying to force myself to stay alive, trying to hold out that things will improve. But each day I seem to slip further. I find myself isolated, having driven people away through an inability to connect with anyone, instead i end up lashing out driving them away or becoming completely silent, locked in my own world.

over the past 4 days I've tried with three people to let them know that i'm loosing the battle and each time i tried to say that I've reached the end i've been unable to come out with it, instead leaving them with the knowledge that I'm feeling really low, that i do have thoughts of death but now how bad I really feel. And i feel a bitch doing it.

then this afternoon after not having heard from my mental health nurse for almost 2 months I get a phone call from her. All gushing, but a change in tone when my response to her question of "how are you" was "i'm not good". This same nurse accussed me of being the highest user of mental health services about 10 weeks ago - which is a load of bull. I see a psychologist once a fortnight and thats it. I don't have regular psychiarty appointments. How can that be the highest user. anyway, I laid a complaint about it as i thought it was unfair and uncalled for. Now she seems to think she can drop back into my life - I don't think so!

Then she tells me she will phone me back and when she does tells me i should be in hospital for a three day admission. What is it about mental health services that they think the solution lies in hospital for a three day voluntary admission whenever one says that they feel depressed and that they are thinking about dying?

Then she tried to tell me that she must catch up - see me. and did not like it when I said i'm not up to it, ended up with her hanging the phone up on me!

It's left me feeling really bitter and because i'm so fragile at the moment it's pushed buttons in me and now I feel even worse.

I don't know what to do.

I just want to delete this and stay silent and that's scary.

In the past when i've got this down, i've been able to let people know that i'm seriously contemplating death, however this time, i'm pulling away from people.

Please , please don't delete this.

I don't really know what to say, but please stay online and use this site. TBBD has helped me enormously and at times saved me from isolating myself to the point of not leaving my home.

TBBD is my safe haven.

BTW: sounds like the nurse needs a 3 day sectioned admission! b...ps

Hugzzz to you use tbbd keyworkers can be a pain in the ass sometimes so try not to take it to heart. it is wonderful that you are able to tell us not sure what i can do to help but listen to you. I don't think hospital is the answer either. take care.

sirtexen, Sorry things are feeling so bad anad out of control for you. Do you have family near by? or friends to help give you support?2 months to not here from your nurse is a long time. Use any service you need when you feel so down, life line , all of those, they are there for all of us, when we need.

And we are here. Just keep on keeping on. ! hour at a time when needs be.

XO

Still feel like crap. Got phone call from nurse again today - Insisted that I went into CMH to see her. Did that came away feeling worse. Got told that the psych emergency team would phone me and if they couldn't get hold of me would call the police. That was at 4pm this afternoon. I have not heard from them and don't expect to. in some ways i wish they'd just p off as they push my buttons and when i'm struggling I don't need these pushed.

Maybe if you were to meet with a differant nurse, you would get on with them better. Reality, we dont get on with just the first person always, ask to meet with someone else. It may make a big change to how you feel.

yes, its often a service that says they will get back to you, and dont. recipe for disasters.
Just remember there is some one always in and out of the forum, so just keep talking and sharing....it all helps, a problem shared is halved.

XO

well 9.25pm Psych team never phoned - but then I guessed they wouldn't. off to bed now hopefully to sleep as have to work in the morning

Sirtexen hi

This nurse sounds like an idiot.

Call her manager CMHS as this is clearly not good enough.

Ask the manager of CMHS for an appt. You need to be safe which is why I thing MHS push the three day admission thingy so you can be thoroughly "observed" and "assessed". There are also Consumer Advisors in the service, people on the staff who have experienced mental illness who will be able to support your request as well.

I am sick of shabby Mental Health Services and the high handedness of some people.

Dear Sir Texen

Thinking of you and hope for some brightness and joy for you.

Martine