deep it does cut.

so the emotional scars run deep through generations of cultural identity denial, alcohol and drug dependancy, labelled early, valiumed as young as 4, labelled a demon child, scapegoat for a family to push blame as well as to reject, that is not love.

to have lies told and lies believed over a lifetime, to seek belonging and respect and to stand proud as wahine toa when many related stomp on the very acknowledgment of the bloodline and wairua being within and living with such racist attitudes, brainwashed almost.

to seek solace in drugs, seedy living, years of torment within the so called system, in denial of an illness, hell no, a bad trip then recovery, a decade later a total recall too cruel to start explaining right now, being bought full circle to a point in time when entrapment in the system began, nearly 40 yrs of searching for one self and dodging those who are transperant with their lack of inbuilt compassion, care or empathy, to be trapped by legal orders on paper and forced to be silent with 'lollies' on what matters of speaking the truth, like being sent to your room when you defy what your elders expect because almost any trace of the native belonging had virtually disapeared,until you come along and want to dig for the truth and a name, being blessed within very spiritual realms by those who recognised the gift of sight and the power of healing others who are in need, true inbuilt awhi aroha for those experienced in injustice.

that is all for now.