Cry quietly or not at all!

Cry quietly or not at all!

I had an appointment today for an ultrasound for pelvic pain when exercising. I misread the instructions - how to make sure you have a full bladder. The end result no ultra sound - rebook was one option. I took option two, an intrusive and very upsetting procedure followed.

The waiting list is so long, it took months to get to this appointment.

I was angry at the nurse as she was challenging me about timing of water in-tack! “Go to the toilet since you feel your bladder is too full!!!!!

(I hid in the loo to get my-self together). Cry quietly or not at all!

This happened at 8am this morning, I drove home negotiating with death, extreme I know. PTSD ah… I have slept away the day instead of self harming, three Q’s sent me off to another nightmare!!! So now I have a hangover of emotions.

I wanted to ring someone, but felt pathetic. I have even had anxiety about posting on here, sounding pathetic, when people are going through so much.


Frakin female crapola!!!!

Oh Poetry, bugger bugger bugger. I am so sorry you had to go thru a nasty procedure. I hope you are not in too much pain? Medication for pain releif. just remind yourself, at least it is over.... and if you have queries about the procedure, ring the hospital.

No reason to feel pathetic phoning someone. We all need someone on our side to share with.
Everyone has problems, and a problem shared, often feels more manageable. I have just learnt this. Slow learner I am!

You have done amazingly, heading up north, doctors appts. Emotions are just that, feelings, feel them, so you get to understand why you have them. And dont beat yourself up. Nothing wrong with sleeping day away to prevent harming, but please make a phone call if the feeling remains. I have to say, I too have wanted numb of late, so also slept a few days away. If it keeps us safe....all good.

Take care Poetry and be kind to self.

Apricot.

Thanks Apricot

I very much appreciate your advice and kindness.

The results should be in this week, it will be good to sort out the problem, however $40.00 Dr visit to find out the results! My budget is $50.00 for groceries subtract $40.00 hmm

No worries, I got slammed with $113.00 bill out of the blue... hmm 3 weeks grocery budget.

4 weeks in total, cool weight loss here we come!

I should be in the feel sorry for myself section, except I couldn't find one, maybe a suggested thread.

On the upside, I have found a new author, Harlan Coben - I'll live there for the month...

Bummer, Your doctor doesnt simply contact you with the results?, you sure perhaps you cant phone for them?
You cant logistically live on ten dollars worth of food for the week. Contact winz. You are entitled.

Good luck.

and the local food bank, although you may need a referral from WINZ

big hugs

I have anxiety issues even reading about going to WINZ or a food bank....let alone going there in person..arhh Anxiety

The $113.00 is being looked into, and I have been told not to worry about it!!!! I don't know if I have a leg to stand on with this bill. I will find out also this week what the go is with that bill. I am pretty much 99% i will have to pay it.

I am hoping Apricot that the results will be a phone call, but because of the 'problem' I think she will want to speak to me in person.

To top my week! already lol... I went to pick up my meds, to find that my script wasn't filled. I had sent in the info last Monday. It's the little things that finally break yah ah.. All sorted now, I lost the plot for 30 minutes in the psych teams waiting room - anxiety attack , tears and finally a script was written out for me. My 'free' Dr thought it was time for Poetry to have a stay-ova in hospital....sheeks ah! Bloody Nora

I am kia kaha, I am in my whare and I am going to bed really early tonight.

mwhaaa and thank you for the hugs and for caring for others


Thanks Apricot and wowinnz

how are you today Poetry?

hi Poetry,

i had to laugh last night, I went to bed late, had read your post going early, I admit, I thought good girl, do you good, and me too....but stayed up, and when I got to bed, .......AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

It was stone cold, I had turned the switch to the electric blanky on, but the damned plug had been taken out to charge phone.......chuckled to myslef, thinking you would be snoring away and cosy!!!!

Hope your day is going well.

Hi Poetry.. cool name :-)

Big hugs to you.. I've cried in doctor's bathrooms too.. a lonely feeling.. thank goodness for being able to have a little privacy to cry though..

Give WINZ a call - 0800 559 009 and ask for help.. I think they'd say pay the bill and come in for a food grant - and use that to help with your groceries..

Good luck.. kia kaha x

Thanks Books

My Dr rang (I was on the ward) and the results are in, there is a cyst on one of the ovaries, don't know much about this. I am booked in for another 'prob'!!!! ultrasound. laparoscopy(?) was mentioned also...

I'll face that one in the following weeks, not today. Today is set aside for a blinkin crisis appointment with my Pshyc Dr. He sectioned me last Wednesday, the first time in 4 years he has done this, I ended up in a lock up Ward. A place that has haunted me since the breakdown four years ago. I haven't been in that horrible place for 2years.


The upside is: After three days of not taking the afternoon AD (a new med I started end of May) I have settled down. The agitated, craving, frustrated, teeth clenching has subsided.

SO along with all the stress of moving to a new house, emotional abuse from a 'friend' and starting a new medication triggering an awful reaction, a medical problem and financial stress, I think I am doing okay.

As for WINZ nup, I can't go there and justify what I spend every last dollar on. Too humiliating - I'd rather go hungry. Mind you I have been feed well in the last week. A friend has contacted Telstra and they have said sign for another 12 mths = 24 month contract and the will credit my account. Hopefully my YES is received today, cause I don't want to feel scared to open mail for fear of the $$$$

LIFE ah... keeps yah on your toes, wow that was an off-load.

Thanks everyone for your support.

Poetry

Hi Poetry,
I'm sorry to hear about the cyst on your ovaries...these damn lady bits sure give us a hard time sometimes. I hope further investigations find that things are ok. I'm also sorry to hear that your Doc 'sectioned' you. It must have been really difficult to be back in a place that holds so many negative associations for you. It sounds like you have been under a lot of stress lately with everything that has been happening. I hope things get better quickly for you and that you receive the help that you need. Take care Poetry, hugs and kind thoughts from Becks. xx

Hey Poetry,

Thinking of you and sends a big caring hug. One foot before the other. Take time to enjoy the spring flowers and views and warmth of the sunshine.
Love Apricot.
XO

Thank you everyone for your support and encouraging words.

Thank you soooooo much to the nice nurse today. Kind people make a difference

I had a second scan today, the cyst is no longer a problem, thank the heavens.

Arohanui everyone xoxo

fabulous news Poetry..!!!

What wonderful news Poetry. Thats excellent. So happy for you.

XO