severly sick husband

Hello.
This is my first time on this site so i may need some help =)
My husband is severly ill with depression and psychosis. He is in and out of hospital.
We have a 7 month old baby and I have had to go back to work to support us.
I feel very isolated and would love to chat to someone else who has/is experiencing what I am.
Any tips on how to cope would really be appreciated!
I feel like I have lost my husband to this person who he now is, whom I have to love, but find it very hard to.
Now having two people to care for, two people to wake me up in the night, two people to watch to ensure their safety...sometimes it all feels just a bit too much.
anyway, thanks for reading

Hello Lash, Welcome to TBBD. I'm pleased you're here and hope there is something we can do to ease your load.

On the home page you'll see a 'Partners' section. There could be something there that makes you feel less isolated.

Hope today is going relatively smoothly for you.

Daze

Hi lash. Just wanted to say welcome and that I feel for you. I know depression is so hard on partners and your situation sounds really tough. Kia Kaha.

Lash,

Hi there, and Welcome to our TBBD Family.

It certainly sounds like you have good reason to be near the end of your tether hon and I wonder if you have all the info necessary from your blokes medics on Respite Care – don’t consider it ‘time out’ for your husband, but time off, for you. Then, you and baby can spend some mum and bubs time, or maybe, you even get some time just for you.

Obviously, I’ve never met your husband and he sounds like he too has a fair handful of ‘stuff’ to manage, himself – and now is the Time to start managing mate, start contributing, start being a partner.

You can do it, buddy. I and a heck of a lot of folk here have had to and its survivable – so c’mon mate, Finger Out.

Matey, I ‘m not asking you to become Superman; but a Man, for sure.
You were there when bubs happened, be there now, mate.
All it takes are really little things – many might think them insignificant but – they add up, and your Lady will notice. Mightn’t say much, but she will notice, I promise ya. (Memo to Lash: Notice things.) What’s ya Nappy-Changing skills like, mmm? My baby had ‘real’ nappies, oh Joy. Eeeeew. Had to be done, tho.

Help make the bed. Do some dishes; you eat off them, fair enough to help clean up afterwards (one night a week, your lady neither cooks nor does dishes. That’s your night to step up, mate. Welcome to Your Kitchen.) If ya gotta walk over or around something cos it’s on the floor, pick it up and find its home. Carry the Laundry Basket out and have a ‘peg race’ – who can do the most, without ‘em falling off the line. Don’t worry about peg colours, the laundry really doesn’t mind. Betchya ya can fold it, too – or at least get in the way until you’re told to bugger off, ‘n put the kettle on. Speaking of which, don’t wait to be asked – offer, even if you don’t want a cuppa.

Now mate, that might look like a lot of ‘stuff’ you’re being told to get into and contribute to your family life but really, its bugger all in the scheme of things and the rewards from your efforts will lead to better times for you, your baby and your Lady.

I’ve been binned, I’ve been married, I’ve been ‘lost’ and I still stray away from the well beaten path of life once in a while, BUT believe me there is nothing in the list that I told you to get off ya bum and do, which I myself cannot do. I do all that and more, with me mental illnesses – and with several fractures and compressions in and around my spine – I move real slow, I move on crutches, but I move. So can your ass, buddy.

It ain’t never too late to start and I guarantee ya, its much better when ya do, than when ya don’t. Yep, you’ll have some really crap times I guess, many of us do but you have more to gain and retain than many of us buddy – be smart mate, do ya bit and the more ya do, the more you’ll find you can and want to. Not all the time, but shit loads more than up till now.

Lash, I hope that you print these posts out and sit down with your husband and talk about them. If he gets pissed off, tell him he’s Welcome to feel P’Od at me, but he should not direct any anger at you. Mate, feel free to email me if you’d like to – patq60@xtra.co.nz – there’s a World out there Buddy, but even more as far as you are concerned, the bestest part of the Entire population of this Planet, lives with you, in your home. You are enormously fortunate that you have a Lady who still cares. Make sure you convince her, you’re a Keeper. Not a burden, but a Partner. And a Dad. Don't miss out on your Family by not participating in family life - Please buddy, make the effort. For them And for you.

Paddy.

Dear Paddy

I have read your response to lash, Please God she reads it and can utilise it you are right though.

I feel physically disabled by depression, I can barely bring myself into the shower without having a panic attack and the terrors, but I know what I owe to my other half.

He does deserve a cuppa sometimes, he does deserve a sit down in front of the telly sometimes without me and the tears.


Thanks for the straight talk mate I always appreciate your reality based thinking.

Martine

Dear lash, wow that sounds so hard for you. I have directed my mum and hubbie to read the partners pages, and whilst mum was really scared at how bad it can get, she also realises that this is a safe place to release all our feelings- her too if need be.
It is really hard for them to see me through the years worsen and lose myself, mum says i hide it so well but when i crash i do so spectactuarly.
Mum says that mu hubbie is in despiration when im bad he doesnt want me to have the illness and thinks its really unfair.
It is unfair. We can be so creative caring loving people and for some strange twist of fate have a chemical imbalance that none of us want or deserve and it is so true that the illness hits the family as well as us.

A tip for hubbie...On my bad days i have to write lists to get me through the day.
It helps as i can see my progess.

Well what great advice you have been given...I have had to deal with psychosis on several occasion and believe me I couldn't make sense of anything and I was to far gone for reasoning and didn't have any idea about reality so I hope hes getting the help and support from the professionals.What a strong wonderful person you are,hang in there it does get better believe me,please look after your self...Thinking of you..