I want to be selfish

I have two people I know at the moment who I am being there for.

First is a net-friend who is having a rough time with her mental health and keeps wanting to self harm, od or commit suicide. I have spent long hours talking to her and being there for her but sometimes it is like here we go again.

Then I have a guy I know from way back who I ran into yesterday for the first time in over a year and a half. Find out he in the process of trying to get ot of an abuseive relationship. I invite him for a coffee to catch up. He turns up again today having done the runner in the early hours of the morning and a bit neasy. I was meant to be doing study today.

Shit, I am trying to peace my life back together, I have probation, psyc services and in the next couple of weeks ACC to deal with. I am the one doing all of this alone it often feel as well as propping them up.

I am tired, drained and when trying to deal with my stuff often wonder whats the point.

Mate, you know the answer.

You owe your first loyalty to you. You have to be in a position to look after your health and welfare adequately, before you can do the same for others. If you find you have some care to spare, then share. But if you can't, you can't Ros.

Oh, and this is a case of do as I say, not as I do, alright? Good.

Hey mate. Big hugs for ya!

Wow, look at all your coping so well with at the moment and look at how much you are still giving to your mates. Thats great my friend. However at this point in time if thats how you are feeling then you really need to let them know that you need to take a step back from them for now at least.

You have been dealing with some major changes in your own life and doing so well with your own recovery and health that I would hate to see you put that at risk for anyone. In my short time on this board I have seen your confidence and sense of self inch forward consistantly and I really admire you for the work you are doing on yourself Ros. I would hate to see this stop for you.

At the end of the day while its nice to have support and an ear to listen and share and vent with its important for everyone to take responsibility for themselves and their own situation and journey towards health. Your friends need to know this too. So tell them as kindly as you can that you have to put yourself first for now and direct them to sources of help........TBBD and the resource list here........and any other source you think may be of benefit to them. How they respond to this is their responsibility NOT yours, You need no guilt around making and keeping yourself safe.

Its okay to be 'selfish' sometimes Ros (I am actually being quite selfish in this response as I would hate to have you leave this board for any reason because i enjoy your humour and the smile you have in your posts sometimes......and noone else calls me 'girl' which is really nice for an oldie to hear from a hot young thang like yaself! it makes me smile....yes, I know, I'm tragic! lol)

Take care and keep safe mate

Monsta

I always try to rescue other people but in the last year or so have had to be 'selfish' as well and just take care of me. I think of it as being 'self-caring' rather than selfish. First rule of first aid, make sure you don't put yourself at risk...