HOLY FUC!

this fucked up guy from my class messaged me and said i was a rebal and then was saying all this shit that appartly now everyone knows at my old school and he said i stuffed up the school and im stuffed up and kept saying it so i ened up saying
"TAT GREAT well for your information since leaving hebron i have had suicide attempts,hating life regularly and dont give a dam shit about yr fucd up school cuz its all shit at leased i live in reality not some god dayum fucd up world where you think somethings loves you WHEN GROW UP IT DOESNT EXIST PLUS lets not get onto the topic of having no home on on the verdge of liviing no where GOD IM JUST GREAT!"
fuck i hate my princible i want go burn down my old school and stabbing him ! i hate hm I HATE HIM! FUCKN DIC! he said i took my caregivers for granted and used them then stuffed up my own life...AGHHHH! fuck man i want to hurt him i want to KILL TAT FUCN BASTARD!
FUCK THE WORLD!
he said no one would care if i died so ill show him i dont care if he fucn died !

FUCK THIS SHIT !

He is a bully Olivia, don't give him the satisfaction of letting him ruin your day cause that is obviously what he wants to do. Look after you and don't let the dimwits of the world get to you.

im scared im going to do something stupid while im over here i cant let myself but with my thoughts,raulf ,now this bull sh*t AGH idn how much more i can handle...fuck

How long are you over there for? Who is raulf?

til next thurs and they real christian ova here plus every day they at my lecturing me how i need to go back to school.that im dumb.that im not going anything with my life..i know they care but i dont want to say anything cuz when i try to defend mysef they just dont get me...i know my friends mum cares but this really ant a good time ..i have a saftey plan but my pan was to just act sweet and pretend i was algood so i wouldnt have to use it and i CANT give it too them cuz il never be aloud back and if i do something i wont be able to come back..they dont get me they too into their religion that with anything to do with mental health doesnt exist to them...its like with my other caregivers and although they good friends of mine REALLY this all isnt helping..i cant tell them and th moment and of my MH Team find out any of this i could get taken to hospital cuz that was apart of my safety plan even though im in another country :S and even if i did go bac to nz i have to deal with where im going to live next agh i cant deal with all this..hiding things doesn work cuz ppl thnk im all sweet n i say im good and blah but really i cant cope with any of it ...plus i stoped taking my meds cuz they keep vomiting them bac up so i just dont bother agh....i cant let myself oD but god im close

Oh sweety, that just sucks. What would you like to have happen in an ideal world if it was all your own choice?

Just take a deep breath Olivia.


Can you email your MH team? Saying ur not feeling good. and is it possible for you to come back earlier. Thats just an idea if you want. You dont have to tell your friend that u dont feel safe.

Just remember you are done with your old school. You no longer live with your old caregivers. - I agree they can all go to hell. They are now in ur past. You can move forwards from here. Just wait 204 days and then I will be ur caregiver Tehe.


Hang on. I know you have bet this before. You CAN do it.

thats th thing I DONT KNOW! idn how i could be helpd sinc idn myself! its like i know i cant do ANYTHING i cant let myself I CANT and i said i wouldn but the thing is...i want to soooooooo bad,i need to but yet agin what i want doesnt matter cuz its stupid cuz IM stupid for wanting to do something..see this was ment to be a good thing-me going on holiday and i kept saying to myself i swear im going to end up doing something i know i shouldnt lik some kinda attempt and i told people but then i said to myself tat i cant do that to my friends esp while im over here and i SHOULD be happy that im over here but really it doesnt change A THINg.. NOT ONE THING.. and i THOUGH i could just pretend to be happy..i thought i could be able to cope reality is i cant...god idn wat to du..do i tell my case worker in nz? do i tell her when she calls me to cheack how i am..what do i tell her? oh gosh...idn wat i want to happern..i just dont know..

BB-thats th thing I DONT KNOW! idn how i could be helpd sinc idn myself! its like i know i cant do ANYTHING i cant let myself I CANT and i said i wouldn but the thing is...i want to soooooooo bad,i need to but yet agin what i want doesnt matter cuz its stupid cuz IM stupid for wanting to do something..see this was ment to be a good thing-me going on holiday and i kept saying to myself i swear im going to end up doing something i know i shouldnt lik some kinda attempt and i told people but then i said to myself tat i cant do that to my friends esp while im over here and i SHOULD be happy that im over here but really it doesnt change A THINg.. NOT ONE THING.. and i THOUGH i could just pretend to be happy..i thought i could be able to cope reality is i cant...god idn wat to du..do i tell my case worker in nz? do i tell her when she calls me to cheack how i am..what do i tell her? oh gosh...idn wat i want to happern..i just dont know..

If telling everyone things are good when they aren't, isnt working.
Why not say they arent ok? You never know it might help you feel better

you can spill the beans with.

I have spilled the beans when I was on the edge a long while back,
and got right into it.
Not having anyone we can TRUST is a prick.

Schools should be teaching trust for their pupils but half the time,
theyre walking-blind themselves. Teachers dont trust no-body either.
Trust can be built using Blind-Fold Walks, where the teacher gains the trust of their Student and VISA VERSA. This must be done both-ways.

The good thing about letting go alone and with-out another there,
to help or get in the road
is we get to learn what self trust is.

Reason with your Power
after the let-go's Olivia
and sink really deeply
safely cradled in the Arms of your Own Loving Self!

Your true self is always on hand to guide you
after letting go. Look for it when youre inside as this is where the True self Lives, not in Ones head!
Use it, gently.

[color:70c0=greenGently ]Dialoque with your Power and you will be amazed what resourses you have functioning inside you already.

Hi Olivia I am a new person to this website so I don't know you. Anyway,I just wanted to say that sorry you are having a difficult time at the moment. From my own experience with depression, I have found that talking to someone who you trust helps. I hope that things improve quickly for you. Best of luck and