not good.

I'm not in a very good head space today

I can't explain myself for the life of me and no one is willing to listen to my explianation, they just put the full blame on me. And becasue people aren't willing to listen to me, I cry. (But I hide so they can't see me...)
I feel useless.

I'm tired and i'm working late.
I'm sick of being like this.

I'm tired of being walked over and taken advantage of.


*sigh*

Hi Qwerky, take heart hon, you do have people who care for you and don't put blame on you. Hope to catch up with you in chat or somewhere else later.

Hugs Judy

Hey Qwerky hun, we listen. May not always be able to give advise but we can at least listen. Sending hugs with warm fuzzies. Pam

hey qwerky

how are you feeling today? I hope you do feel better because you deserve to!

take care my friend,

Morning,

i'm ok. Tired, but i'm just waiting it ouy until the long weekend.
Then I will get to relax. yay

I had a catch up with my boss and she said these things to me:

She told me that I need to work on my communication and I need to work on not missing little things. (When I am TRYING and i'm not terrible at it, but she is making out like I am)

She told me I need to find things to do when i’m bored (Which I have been doing, even before the catch up I was off doing something)

She said that I used to be very good before I went of the rail.....and now i’m slowely coming back on...
She asked me what was stopping me from being how I was before(meaning before I was diagnosed I was doing really well in my job, then something happened)

She also asked me why I can’t explain things, which made me very sad because I don’t know- She told me that one day I could explain things perfectly then the next I can’t at all.

She also said that I should accept the mistakes I've made and not make excuses...(Pretty much what this tread was about..I tried to explain myself but she didn't want to hear it)

She also asked why I don't have opinions on things. I have NO idea. She made me feel useless about myself.

I guess i'm the bad guy though, as she is the boss and can tell me what to do..bla bla bla..

I'm so unhappy

Honey, just cos shes the boss, doesn't make her right, remember that. Before I lived with someone with depression, I would have been just like her, ignorant, thank god for my experience, I know so much more. Honey you are doing very well, dont let her comments bring you down, its not her fault, nor is it yours. You take care now, do your best, you are a winner for seeking help sweet and i for one am proud of you. Hugs Pam

depression is really hard to understand for anyone who hasn't been there. but plenty of us have experiences what you are experiencing... sometimes it is so incredibly frustrating not being able to the most basic functions on life, that we can do skillfully when we are well.

Just know that you are not alone, and that you won't always be in this place.

She just makes me feel bad. She is a really nice lady though, but just some of the things says is not nice, even about other people. She doesn't see the side of people having bad days, weeks, months, years..
She expects them to be totally on the ball 24/7.
It's not fair.
I'm having bad thoughts again and i'm getting scared.

What has changed in me??! I don't understand

I don't know what to do

Qwerky,

you know this will pass, take one day at a time and remember to breathe!

Have you taken any time out for you lately?

why do you care