Fantasies

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Hi Angelique,

It is one way of expressing your anger, and I am so very glad you aren't acting on these desires.

Have you sought help about this? maybe a councillour may be able to help to find out the deep underlying issues.

Take care please,

Well, here goes. I never thought I would tell anyone this.

When things got really bad earlier this year, this is what I was seriously thinking... thank God I didn't... some background; my partner used to drink a lot and it caused us both a lot of misery.

I used to lie in bed and fantasise about going and doing a string of armed robberies/ terrorist attacks on liquor outlets. I dreamt that I had this AK47 (big military style machine gun), rocket propelled grenades, the whole works. I'd dress up in long Arab robes and such, with a headband tied around my head with Arabic writing on it, and run into liquor stores screaming "Allah Akhbar!" and letting off a stream of gunfire into the stock. I'd yell at the staff to get out, putting on a heavy Middle Eastern accent - I didnt actually want to hurt anyone, just do LOTS of damage. I'd empty the till, then tell them to get out of the store, then let rip and totally trash the place, destroying ALL the stock

I dreamt of doing a whole string of these, conducting my own personal Jihad against the liquor industry, like a one man local branch of Al Quaeda... yet I am not even remotely Muslim!!!

After each one I would send off a message to the local media with a long Osama bin Laden style rant..... so of course the cops were not exactly going to start looking for a quiet generally law abiding gay white man (me) which is not generally the profile of al Quaeda supporters

There you go, quite possibly the most crazy and fucked up thing you've seen for a while. Thank God I went to a therapist and a doctor instead eh!

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Morning laworder, I to am pleased you didn't act on your fantasies. I so enjoy my wine in the evenings and on occasion have evn devoured a whole bottle, (shame) however, its about self responsibility. If I EVER drank to excess and remotely hurt someone I loved, it would be gone in a heartbeat and I truley mean that. It is so easy for us to put blame elsewhere, the bottle stores for stocking it, the wineries that producing it, come on!!!, we dont have to buy it, drink to excess and then go oh my god its not my fault. Oh yes it is, and you should be able to ask your partner to at least limit his indulgence or give the darn stuff away, its causing YOU pain. I have a cousin who almost destroyed her marriage, but in the end hubby was so in love with her, but couldn't take the pain. He gave her 2 options and he meant it, Option 1. give it up and have my love Option 2. dont give it up and pack your bags. She told me she was an acholic but that was the last time she took a drink. Her family was everything, she has never looked back. I am so proud of her as is her whole family. Tell your man enough is enough you are hurting. Sending hugs, love and strenght.

Thank you peterpam

I dont think I would ever have actually done this...but I would have ended up doing something crazy, if only to stop the pain.