Thank You.

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Thank You.

Post by Paddy on Fri May 29, 2009 6:33 am

29 May 2009

I won't forget today in a hurry. What a day.

I had an appointment at a pain management clinic at Palmerston North Hospital – a three monthly follow-up. Oh dear. My appointment was for 10.30. By 10.47, I was back in my car and driving out of Palmy as fast as a 50kph speed limit would take me.

I walked out in a huff – well, as much as I can walk out of anywhere. Damn them to hell and back. Not all of them, but a couple in particular.

‘No, I have still not had the Needs Assessment appointment date that I asked for last August.
No Dr. I’m not agitated because I’ve not had that assessment yet; I’m agitated because I’ve not yet had anyone contact me to say they are even going to do an Needs Assessment. Yes, that’s the one, the one I first begged for in August 2008. That’s why I’m agitated, Mr. Registrar. That and the fact that you will not listen to me. No Dr. I will not see a psychologist to find a way to feel happier about being so sore. It just ain’t happening.’

‘I told you three months ago that I could not afford the pain meds you and your Consultant at the pain clinic prescribed. But I took the script, with its one repeat ‘cos you told me to. Then my GP gave more scripts for the same stuff, and I couldn’t afford those either and I mentioned that at the time as well. I’ve had a fair bit of pain these last few months, pain that 15mg codeines and a couple of Panadol don’t do a lot for. If I could have afforded adequate pain relief, then trust me, I wouldn’t still have had these scripts in my hot little hands today’.

‘And ACC will not reimburse me for the cost of those pain meds, Doctor. ‘Cos reimbursement presupposes that one has the funds to make the initial purchase and then submit a claim and wait. I don’t have those funds. Sir.’

Or, words to that effect. Oh dear.

I knew I had to get something sorted or I would be letting you all down. I felt absolutely desperate and at my wits end, earlier today.

I have tried and tried, asked and asked, for months, for some help, for some affordable pain relief ‘n stuff. Not huge, unreasonable requests; just stuff that might help me retain a modicum of dignity occasionally. And this morning, when I stormed out of the hospital (a very slow moving storm, sigh) I decided that I was only going to ask for help once, ever again. And if things didn’t get sorted then, then ‘Seeya’s. Bye, World.’

I knew that that was wrong thinking but at 11am today my options felt very limited. I am just so sore, so tired. I'm 49 years old. 35 years of daily chronic pain is just about enough, some hours.

So. I drove from Palmy up to my doctors in Taihape (lots of traffic today) and asked to see a nurse, please. I didn’t have an appointment. She was very gentle. She listened. I cried. And I cried and I cried and I cried. Cos I was feeling a bit sore and a bit not listened to and I was just about at the end of my tether and I didn’t see much point in anything really – except, you guys. I knew that I had to find some way through this, ‘cos of my TBBD family. Thats why I went to my doctors today.

I even got to see my GP – poor sod, that musta mucked up his day. Thanks, doc. Long story short – we tore up over $185.00 worth of scripts, and I got some other stuff. Guess what? It only costs $3.00 for a month’s supply, as opposed to over $45 a week with that other stuff (No, I didn’t ask the obvious question).

I even asked my GP to Bin me today if he thought I needed it. I told him exactly how I felt and what I had decided. Seems maybe I don’t need the Bin just right now– not as much as I need a bit less pain and a bit more sleep and stuff anyway. But if I do, I can go.

There was so much planned for today, after I’d finished at the hospital.

I was going to go to Feilding and get some Vanilla Incense and maybe a canvas from the Warehouse and ‘do’ Op Shops’ and silly stuff like that. I was going to look at a litter of Sealpoint Siamese kittens (window shopping only, sigh) and I was even going to have some lunch at a cafe.

Instead, I drove to Taihape and asked to be Binned. I tell ya, I didn’t see that one coming. I really, really didn’t.

Thank You, my TBBD Family. Each and every one of you.

You made me make the effort to think thru a very stressful situation, identify another option and then promptly act to see that it happened. Bless You All.

'Twas a bit silly giving myself an ultimatum, tho, tsk tsk. Embarassed

Pat.

P.S. Please don't feel you have to reply to this. I just wanted to say Thank You, and for you to understand why. You guys Rock. Kia kaha. cheers
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Re: Thank You.

Post by Guest on Fri May 29, 2009 6:46 am

Hey you are perfectly welcome.. if I am included in the thank you that is.

So many times this board - and the thread at trade me - have stopped me from doing something to end my life.

I am starting to accept that what has happened can't be changed and to just live with it.

however, in your case, Paddy my friend ( I can call you that can't I?), you find it difficult to live in such extreme pain - and that I can understand. I find just a few hours of pain enough, good and wearing it is..I truely do hope that the new med's work 'cause you deserve it to.

Please look after yourself as best as you can. You are too good and young for this sort of carry on! No

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Re: Thank You.

Post by peterpam on Fri May 29, 2009 7:50 am

Awww Pat hugs to you. As you said, you have managed 35 years of this pain and you can and will survive. Hell mate, what would everyone do without you, lol. Go kick something, scream, punch pillows, whatever it takes, but you will be ok. Sharpen up Pat, lol, vent all you like, we are here for you, listening with open hearts. Gosh I wish I had my joke book here with me (sorry it's at work) that would make ya laugh. You may well have reason to feel let down, however, I can't let you feel like this, Gets Pat my shoulders and shakes hard, smacks head, There you go now, you'll be ok, well I hope anyway.

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Re: Thank You.

Post by Paddy on Fri May 29, 2009 8:07 am

Thanks. Yeah. I'm on the mend again - but I won't be if you insist on shaking me that hard, Pam. Ow.

I just wanted to acknowledge how much you all mean to me and that today, you all, without knowing or being there, gave me reasons. Good reasons.

And also I guess to say, that even when one does drop to such a low mood level, for whatever reason, if you work on it for a wee while, and really think, options can appear. You may have to ask and sometimes, you might even have to raise your voice to get heard, but there are options.

I'll be right. There must be some #8 wire around somewhere. Thats all a good Kiwi bloke should need to fix himself up with, surely? Very Happy

Oh. And mylife - I certainly hope so. cheers
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Re: Thank You.

Post by peterpam on Fri May 29, 2009 8:13 am

Yep no8 wire and chocolate, does the trick. Pleased to hear your'e feeling just a tad better. Stops shaking Paddy, and oh, reallyt sorry about the smack to the head, got a little carried away. Big huge hugs.

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Re: Thank You.

Post by Guest on Fri May 29, 2009 3:23 pm

Hugs Pat. I enjoyed reading your Post and am so glad that after being treated so horribly you were able to get somebody to listen. I really feel for you to be in pain for so much of your time on this Earth. I hope the painkillers are helping.

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Re: Thank You.

Post by ZenMonsta on Fri May 29, 2009 6:39 pm

All I can say is that I loveyou matey and Im proud of you and angry (we will deal with that aspect at a later date).

I hope that ou hvae managed a 1/2 decent nights slepp and that today whn that phone rings you pick it up!

You know what you mean to me

Monsta
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Re: Thank You.

Post by daze7 on Fri May 29, 2009 10:11 pm

Goodness me Pat, You certainly had a 'difficult' day - but - that's really good you ended up at your Doctor. All that emotion is better out than in - and the nurse and Dr saw how you really are. It seems to me you put your anger to very good use. I wouldn't be surprised if you're 'wiped out' today -those strong reactions take a LOT of energy. I have been told to have a quiet day - to recuperate - after a major emotional blowout! Sit quiet and reflect how good it feels to have got the message through to your Dr etc. Perhaps one day you can 'do the op shops' in Palmy as a treat! - a mini holiday?

AND .... thanks for sharing all that with us, your 'new' family.

Good on YOU ....... Daze
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Re: Thank You.

Post by Guest on Fri May 29, 2009 10:39 pm

Love you Paddy ((((((arohanui gentle hugs)))))) flower
I am so pleased you were able to bring closure to a very difficult day, financially, emotionally, and 'Bin me' with reflection to your forum and friends who love you so much on here.

Remember to take time for you..... a bubble bath maybe? or how about #8 wire lollipop looped - mix up some detergent and blow bubbles....... I have heard it works wonders - surprises for the neighbours Smile

Love ya Paddy - secret.. I sometimes rhyme and want to say cheers Paddy- bear (paddington style) shhhh don't tell anyone. Smile
flower

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Re: Thank You.

Post by Guest on Fri May 29, 2009 10:44 pm

Hi there Paddy

Hope your having a good day today - how are the new cheaper meds doing?

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Re: Thank You.

Post by Paddy on Sat May 30, 2009 8:43 am

Hiya, I's still going - slowly.

I slept for over 10 hours last night which is more than I get some weeks.

I feel like I have run a marathon and do you know what, I not only ran it, but I reached the tape, still on my feet.

Pam. You are starting to scare me.

First, you want to shake my broken back. Now, you want to kill me via my chocolate allergy? Tell you what, how about you rattle some chocolate coated peanuts down my throat, cos I'm not allowed nuts either (except for my friends here, of course). Just teasing. Funny, I tried to make a 'bubble' thingy just last week with a freezer bag tie, but I forgot I'd already well diluted the dishwashing liquid to make it last longer. Trying it tho, made me smile - you're right, it is fun.

It is early days with the new pain meds, but they seem to be helping and because I'm positive they will, I know they will.

After all, I can actually afford to swallow these ones, not mount them behind glass and worship them for their instrinsic monetary value. I don't expect to be pain free, I know that is unrealistic, but a wee bit less once in awhile is going to come in handy. I'll do me damndest to enjoy those times.

Have a lovely, safe weekend, my TBBD Family. Thanks for caring. And for letting me care, too. cheers

Pat.
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Re: Thank You.

Post by peterpam on Sat May 30, 2009 8:55 am

Pat, don't even go there. I am so not shareing the chocolate peanuts, they are all mine. Pleased you are feeling better.

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Re: Thank You.

Post by Guest on Sat May 30, 2009 9:17 am

I'll share choc scorched almonds with you pat!!

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Re: Thank You.

Post by Guest on Fri Jun 12, 2009 9:26 pm

hey how's the new meds now? getting a better nights sleep overall? Question

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