Helping support partners

Page 2 of 9 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next

View previous topic View next topic Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Tue Jun 23, 2009 8:21 pm

Thanks about the rocking...when were you spieing peter pam?? hahahaha

I will tell him I guess, just need to pick the moment,

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Tue Jun 23, 2009 9:17 pm

Puts arms around mylife, cos she deserves a big hug.
Hey, the way I like to think when haveing been in a situation that is scary (and there has been a few) is whats the worst that can happen, and whats the best that can come out of it??. I personnally have found way more good than bad.
Maybe you could look at it this way, hehe, youv'e expossed yourself to hubby before and was he not delighted??.
Runs out of thread very quickly before Mylife catches me.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Helping Partner

Post by Guest on Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:09 am

My Wife suffers with Bio Polar & Deprression & I help her lots. She works at local Primary School till lunchtime. So I do the Household chores.I Love her dearly.Been 2gthr 5 years. Got Married February last year.I couldnt ask for A better or nicer Lady.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Mon Jul 27, 2009 12:26 am

that is so sweet Ferrit. I know BiPolar and Depression can be so hard on partners, and everybody close to them. I get the impression your wife is just as lucky to have you as you are to have her.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Wed Jul 29, 2009 5:43 am

Well done ferrit, you are both so lucky to have one another.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Wed Jul 29, 2009 6:15 am

well now he know's so it's sweet now.

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Wed Jul 29, 2009 9:05 pm

As I've said before Mylife, I am sooo proud of you and I hope that a lot of the pressure has now gone for you. Onwards and upwards for you my dear, any problems you may have, can now be shared with the one you love.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by britelite on Wed Jul 29, 2009 9:08 pm

in what way is it sweet mylife?...cos every time I try to talk to my hubby about all this he doesn't take it very well...how do you go about getting your hubby to take it seriously and not think it is just another way of accusing them of being a bad partner????...mine just claims I spend to much time feeling sorry for myself...I wish it was that simple...then I could just get over myself and get on with life!!!!!!!
avatar
britelite

Number of posts : 228
Age : 48
Location : South Waikato
Registration date : 2008-08-17

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Thu Jul 30, 2009 12:02 am

Brite, I am really lucky to have such a supportive partner. He doesn't judge and he doesn't stop loving me because of how I feel and what I have done in the past.

What means the most to me is that he is very understanding and just accepts what I am saying, rather than dwelling on the negative aspect of this. I guess it all comes down to personalities - and acceptance.

Would you take the step to the doctor by yourself? Maybe he would take you more seriously if he knew you had??

It is frustrating when partners don't understand and I now know that... because that was part of my 'problem' - now he knows and accepts it, it is our problem - problem shared, problem halved. But there does have to be understanding.

By the way love the new Avatar!!

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by britelite on Thu Jul 30, 2009 2:02 am

thanks...that kingfisher flew into a ranchslider and I held it till it recovered...then it just perched on my hands like that for almost 10 mins before it decided to get on with its day...that is the first time I have ever held one of these birds and their feathers are absolutely beautiful that close up.

now back to topic...looks like I will just have to keep working on a way to get hubby to see what is what...and I don't think me taking myself off to the doc's will change his mind at all...then he will probably just say I am wasting money...oh well...maybe one day...or maybe not...I guess time will tell
avatar
britelite

Number of posts : 228
Age : 48
Location : South Waikato
Registration date : 2008-08-17

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Thu Jul 30, 2009 7:29 am

good luck britey!!! Keep me posted!!

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Sun Aug 02, 2009 9:27 am



Hi Everyone - first time chat roomer and first time partner of a depressed person. This has made for very interesting reading and raises the view that the Partner needs to accept that when their loved one is coping with depression that they are coping with what's going on inside of them and that very often all the Partner can do is stand beside - 'to be there'. However, there is much truth to GreaseMonkeys question:
Are we not manipulating our partners
by keeping our truth from them?

To discover that my Partner has already begun her exit plan before she asked to be put into psychiatric care was the most shellshocking and devastating experience of our 3 year relationship, I had NO idea how far she had fallen and I suddenly felt like I no longer trusted her. To act upon her request to get professional help whilst having to cajole out of her just where she had hidden her weapons of her self destruction all the while trying to stay calm, even tempered and controlling the huge urge to scream 'STOP'. Then trying to fathom what to do upon leaving her at the secure home that first night, go home? do the dishes? make dinner or run far,far away? The fact that she was happier around a professional team of support workers and even offered to stay longer 'if it was better for you' really hurt me. The fact that she has made this her journey and excluded sharing the truth, even getting to join her at a Psychiatrists appointment was a battle of wills.
So where to from here? The new meds appear to be working, albeit slowly, there is a hope she can get onto the Sickness benefit or ACC as she will not go back to work in the near future (this reducing our income by over 50%), the fact that I have no excuse to stay home and try to recover from this - I MUST work to pay the bills!
Then there's the immense guilt - was it my fault in having a yell and a moan at her the night before this episode that send her loopy? Am I a terrible person for not being able to confidently and competently handle this situation without feeling angry, my own depression and exasperation?
These are, I am sure, not new issues to you dear reader - that many partners have experienced these pitfalls and concerns time and time again but I now realise that rather telling your partner to toughen up it is YOU who needs to toughen up, suck it up and get over it.
PS: My Partner has read this piece and condones the observations.

Cheers Newbie

Newbie
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by britelite on Sun Aug 02, 2009 6:39 pm

Hiya Newbie...well...that is a very frank and open post that you wrote...and (for myself anyway) very thought provoking!!!

and I think you are amazing for the support you gave when your partner finally opened up to you...I have tried to tell my husband...but he doesn't, or wont, 'get it'...he becomes angry and defensive...which leaves me with the feelings of...why do I bother, I could and really should just permanently leave...but I have kids and that would be a cruel thing to them...they are what hold me in existance when I get very low.

also...please tell your partner that I think she is amazing too as she took the huge step of getting the help she needed when she was in such a bad mindspace...it is incredably scarey to ask for that help.

be kind to yourselves
brite
avatar
britelite

Number of posts : 228
Age : 48
Location : South Waikato
Registration date : 2008-08-17

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Sun Aug 02, 2009 7:33 pm

I really do hope your partner comes around brite, it will make your life so much easier!!

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Mon Aug 03, 2009 7:39 am

@Brite
Thanks for your reply, it was an opportunity to purge what so many people must already think on a regular basis. My feelings shocked me too and still come and go as we travel this journey together - I'm not perfect but will try slowly bit by bit to hopefully get a little more bearable and easier to support and understand.
Newbie
avatar
Newbie

Number of posts : 36
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-08-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:30 am

Newbie, you have to understand, NO it is not your fault, NO you are not a terrible person., NO it is not something you are doing This is not your problem. you can support and try to understand. Well done for supporting your partner , it truley is a journey and I wish you and your partner the best.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:36 am

hi there pp

nice to see you here... and your right to say no finger pointing, no blaming... and that it is a journey that is taken.

It is so much easier with help though, Smile

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Fri Aug 07, 2009 8:43 am

I so agree Mylife so much easier with help. Awww honey I am so pleased for you, you took a huge step and look whats happened your partner is listening. Yah hoo for you, he's a gem.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Fri Aug 07, 2009 10:40 am

Thanks for the comments PP = especially relevant as I have just returned from 5 hours at Psych Emergency that translated into my Partner going back into respite for the week.... this is not fun I tell ya!
avatar
Newbie

Number of posts : 36
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-08-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Fri Aug 07, 2009 9:03 pm

Your partner is very lucky to have your support. Take this opportunaty, to recharge your batteries. Very important to look after YOU to. Take some time to catch up with freinds etc etc. It is so easy when we are supporting our partners to get so caught up in that aspect of our life, that we forget that we matter to. What I found helpful when I was really screaming inside, was to take a couple of days to myself, go away somewhere by myself or with a freind and not feel guilty, hard to do, but very important. Hope things get better soon

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Sat Aug 08, 2009 12:42 am

hope it all starts to work out soon for you newbie, and pp you always say the right things..Smile

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Sat Aug 08, 2009 3:19 am

Just back from an excruciatingly long hour visit from the House - she's pretty messed up and the upped meds don't help. We do try to use humour as a measure of sanity and she's 9 on a scale of 1 to Mental at the moment.
PP - did get to have a massage today so that was good for me.
Happy, Happy, Joy, Joy
Newbie
avatar
Newbie

Number of posts : 36
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-08-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Tue Aug 11, 2009 7:46 am

The messed upedness continues: Shrinks and Caregivers alike agree that it too dangerous for her to come home for fear of a minimum of self harm or maximum suicide attempt. She's staying in respite until at least Friday
NNH (Newbie not happy) Sad
avatar
Newbie

Number of posts : 36
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-08-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:22 am

awww, big hugs, sounds like she is being well cared for. hopefully by then you too will be well rested.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Tue Aug 11, 2009 8:44 am

Hmmmmmmm.... the worry doesn't assist with being terribly relaxed but, yes, she is in the right place - I just want her to come home Crying or Very sad
avatar
Newbie

Number of posts : 36
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-08-02

Back to top Go down

Re: Helping support partners

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 2 of 9 Previous  1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9  Next

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum