Helping support partners

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Tue Oct 06, 2009 5:58 am

Hi all, just checking in and hopeing everyone is well and taking care of themselves. Hi newbie thinking of you, hope youre doing ok. Take care everyone, hugs to all.

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Tue Oct 06, 2009 6:14 am

Hello Support Team
Finding it all a bit tiring at the moment and could possibly be accused as being on the irritable side.
My Life - I'm doing meditation not medication lol - it does help although at the moment I'm wondering about the benefits of EFT as I've also been having some not so nice flashbacks?
Hows everyone doing?
N
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Tue Oct 06, 2009 7:05 am

Hugs newbie, you'll get there hun, it will take time, dont expect to much of yourself, just go with the flow. Cry, laugh, smile, remember, cry again, what ever works for you, its all healing.

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by 6egirl on Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:12 am

Hi all. How are you doing? Been away for a while - Chicken Pox in the house (me included!). Both boys got it and then I got it. Mr 6e doing OK, but it is a daily struggle. He is off the anti-psychotics but still zoned out. There are no easy answers. Newbie - been thinking about you lots - how are you?
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by 6egirl on Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:15 am

Feeling totally fed up with it all as well. Sad Someone please tell me that it is worth it and he does actually feel some gratitude for the pain and trauma that I go through. He is so insular and I feel so invisible.
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:37 am

Hi 6egirl, sounds like you just need an ear. Remember you have been unwell and probably still recovering, so you will be feeling like this is all to much. Well done for copeing as well as you have. Sending hugs

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by 6egirl on Sun Oct 18, 2009 7:41 am

peterpam wrote:Hi 6egirl, sounds like you just need an ear. Remember you have been unwell and probably still recovering, so you will be feeling like this is all to much. Well done for copeing as well as you have. Sending hugs

Thanks. You are probably right. I love you
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by greasemonkey on Sun Oct 18, 2009 8:24 am

sometimes life becomes condenced
purely as a test!

Give your Man My love and attention.

Cuddles for you BOTH!
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Mon Oct 19, 2009 5:02 am

6egirl wrote:Feeling totally fed up with it all as well. Sad Someone please tell me that it is worth it and he does actually feel some gratitude for the pain and trauma that I go through. He is so insular and I feel so invisible.
6egirl, Believe me I know that feeling only too well - he does feel gratitude but he is in a place where he cannot express it. Read my first post - its when I came to understand what we can and cannot control. I still stand by what I wrote, even if my experience didn't pan out well - it does not mean that it will be the same for everyone.
How am I doing? I have good days, bad days and crap days! The last few weeks have been a time of stopping accounts, clearing some personal possessions away and seeking a little closure... I miss her.... but she is no longer suffering or in pain... that is good.
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Mon Oct 19, 2009 8:21 am

aww hugs to you both, you have both been through incredibly hard journeys..

keep yourselves well,

Guest
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Wed Oct 21, 2009 5:42 am

Hi all, just checking in again to see all is well.
6egirl, hope you are feeling better hun.
Newbie great to see you are doing ok, sending hugs your way.
Take care all, Pam

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Sat Oct 31, 2009 2:20 am

hey how is everyone on this thread now,

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by greasemonkey on Sat Oct 31, 2009 2:45 am

well
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Sat Oct 31, 2009 9:13 am

I'm all good thank you mylife. What about everyone else, hope alls well. Hi Gm, hows you doing my friend??. Hugs to all, Pam.

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by 6egirl on Sun Nov 15, 2009 6:08 am

Hi everyone - checking in to see how you are - and especially you Newbie. I think about you often and wonder how your journey is going. We are doing better. Finally after almost 2 years the psychiatrist says his condition is stable. What a long road it has been, and will be while he climbs back up the other side. Completely off anti-psychs now and didnt need ECT as they thought (would be a last resort). He is actually, for the first time in prob 3 years, seeming more like his old self. Anyway,. thats where I am at - interested to see how everyone else is. 6egirl. I love you sunny
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by peterpam on Sun Nov 15, 2009 7:51 am

Hi 6egirl, how fabulous, such good news for you both. Thankyou for shareing your good news.

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by Newbie on Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:17 am

Good news 6egirl.
I'm nearing the three month mark and as these things often happen, am struggling a bit with the reality of the situation. I'm also an active member of a Young Widows forum as well so got my bases covered lol
Was in contact with Victim Support from Day One and went to my first Counselling Session for SOS (Survivors of Suicide) today.
It was a bit of a meet 'n greet mainly but will hopefully help me work through this. What I did find funny (morbid, I know) was that every person (Victim Support, my Doctor etc) have always asked 'Do you feel like taking your own life?" or "Do you feel like hurting yourself"?
My answer is always No -but there are a few people I feel LIKE hurting!
Anyhoo, this is the journey and I'm on it full steam ahead... I'll keep you posted.
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by greasemonkey on Mon Nov 16, 2009 5:20 am

peterpam wrote:I'm all good thank you mylife. What about everyone else, hope alls well. Hi Gm, hows you doing my friend??. Hugs to all, Pam.


LOL.
still well.

and U?
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by Guest on Mon Nov 16, 2009 11:38 pm

Hey everyone - good news girl, keep your head up newbie, and everyone else, sending good vibes to all...

keep happy

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Re: Helping support partners

Post by 6egirl on Tue Dec 01, 2009 4:12 am

Hi everyone - how are you doing? Newbie - still thinking about you. How are you finding the young widows group? How are you doing with Christmas looming? We are plodding along. Looking forward to taking a break with work but finding the lead up to Christmas quite exhausting. Bipolar-wise, still stable in mood, now for the long climb back up the hill to normality -which I sure will be a differnt normal from before. Interested to see how people are. 6egirl.
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by greasemonkey on Tue Dec 01, 2009 7:07 am

6egirl wrote:Hi everyone - how are you doing? Newbie - still thinking about you. How are you finding the young widows group? How are you doing with Christmas looming? We are plodding along. Looking forward to taking a break with work but finding the lead up to Christmas quite exhausting. Bipolar-wise, still stable in mood, now for the long climb back up the hill to normality -which I sure will be a differnt normal from before. Interested to see how people are. 6egirl.

mmmm,
wisdom at depth.
Gogirl!
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by Paddy on Thu Dec 10, 2009 7:20 am

Just cos I can, I'm going to post something I put on a TradeMe Thread a few minutes ago. The original post was by a 'partner' asking for ideas on how to cope. Well hon, its not solely your responsibility to cope with his mental illness - he's gotta put some effort in to and that may well be more than by taking the meds, but hey, thats a damn good step in itself. Anyway:

Hiya. I can only give my perspective or talk about my own experiences Ė Iím Bi Polar, amongst other things. Iím male, 49, and have lost pretty much everything you could think of listing. I also have mobility disabilities and assorted OCDís, just cos I can, sigh.

One thing I have gained is the slow realisation that a lot of my responses to Ďsituationsí were Ďconditionedí responses and that I didnít necessarily HAVE to react to a situation with an explosion of outbursts or whatever. Iím trying to learn that that NOTHING and NO ONE MAKES ME ANGRY. (I think I was in Sunnyside when they first told me that?)

I CAN CHOOSE TO REACT IN ANGER, or if I can grab meself by the scruff of the neck in time, I can maybe defer reacting outwardly and flick through me Brain Index real fast and see if I have other options in the catalogue of potential responses.

Hey, sometimes, the decision to express anger is quite the correct response Ė but maybe, by thinking it through for a moment or two first, I can modify the way I express that anger and maybe even reduce the potential to hurt by words I canít take back once uttered. No matter how much I grovel.

And sometimes, I think I need a damn good kick up the arse to remind myself of all that;

because changing long established Ďreactionsí is bloody hard work and it can take individuals different periods of time and different hurts and losses etc or risk of losses to come to the acceptance that yeah, sure, we have a mental illness, but it doesnít mean we have to be pricks 24/7. Or prickess, if thatís the female equivalent?

Maybe you or your partner might benefit from having a look around The Big Black Dog Message Board & Chat Room (TBBD) Ė itís just a free to use NZ mental health peer support site, started by a bloke actually. Me. It has no Ďaffiliationsí with any other groups or organisations and it does not offer or pretend to offer, professional support. We ainít got the resources for that - its me, me invalids bene (TY taxpayers), the cat and a wee bit of space between the couch and the fridge Ė thatís TBBD. That, and its members and the over 11, 500 Messages posted there in just our first 16 months online.

Take care eh,

Paddy.
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by 6egirl on Thu Dec 10, 2009 10:11 pm

Paddy - you a gem. Thank you. Yes, it is his illness, yes, up to now, I have done most of the work - yes, he needs to own his own recovery. At the moment, I am working on my own. some days better than others, overall an uphill ride with ups and downs.
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by greasemonkey on Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:31 am

My illness
is my own illness
and i will work it out
in my own time....as it takes time!

Learning how Others handle their illnesses
can be insightful and usefull, if I use their solutions,
but mainly it is upto myself, and how I can impliment
slight change into the great myriad of things that fill my mind
and make Life worth living.
And this is so!
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Re: Helping support partners

Post by greasemonkey on Fri Dec 11, 2009 10:35 am

As I head towards xMas
its warm and rosy this year!
Never before have I had such contentedness within me
and there are heaps of things I can do about the Home to keep me active.
Its all my choices nowdays,
the pressure is off!
I am the Boss
what I say Goes beautifully well
so long as I stay connected, Head an Heart!
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Re: Helping support partners

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