shakes fist at the world

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shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Fri May 01, 2009 12:11 pm

man im in a huge grump today!!!!!!!!!!!

GGGGGGGGGGGRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

STUPID WORLD
STUPID DEPRESSION
STUPID NOISE
STUPID PEOPLE
STUPID HEAD
STUPID PARANOIA
STUPID 48HOUR BUG

{inserts lots of curse words here}


fark this im off to bed had enough...this world if f&^Ked up!!!
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Fri May 01, 2009 12:16 pm

Hi Wizza

sorry to hear you have the bug ....keep warm and look after yourself...lots of warm lemon and honey drinks might help?

Sweet dreams Wizza

(((((HUGS))))))) I love you

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Fri May 01, 2009 4:12 pm

how are you this morning wizza?

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Sun May 03, 2009 1:52 am

well im not feeling sick anymore which is a good thing....but mentally-im not so sure Exclamation
im not mad but im not depressed im just flat.

feel incredibly invisible, im sure if i was to disappear no one would even notice....nothing can lift it and i havnt been dressed in over a week...i just dont want to...am living in bed with the blankets over my head a lot of the time ,its what i call my "not existing" fot the day

i just dont know what to do.......
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Sun May 03, 2009 2:03 am

Hi Wizza, fantastic photo, which young lady is you?...wish i could get one of my photos on this...just don't know how to resize them.

Get yourself well, that is what you need to doo.. bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce bounce

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Sun May 03, 2009 2:44 am

sounds so simple than what it is lol ur right just get myself better...time ta drag my butt into the shower and *oh god* get dressed! small steps i guess.

oh and thats me on the right and my sister niki on the left Very Happy
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Sun May 03, 2009 3:12 am

Ok you do know you are talking to a blonde right? Is that my right looking at the photo or your right sitting in the photo..so.. are you the one in the pattered top or the lass in the plainer top?

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Sun May 03, 2009 4:14 am

hehehe my life u just made me giggle-first time in quite a while *makes mental note that ur blonde* Razz im the one in the patterned top
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Sun May 03, 2009 4:29 am

anyway i did have a shower and get dressed !! wahoo! want to go back to bed and "not exisit" again but im forcing myself to stay up for as long as possible.

i just dont feel i "belong" anywhere,this site included-i cant offer advise and i just seem to winge alot here...people arn't avoiding me are they?? or is my paranoia kicking in again...i dont use the chatoom often coz i dont know what to say and am worried about being judged Embarassed

i dont have friends either...a few aquaintences..but no actual friends-unless u count my sister...i lost them all when depression decided to enter my life 3 years ago. i did think i belonged in the group my ex were friends with-until we broke up and well, its clear im on my own again....

i dont work so get no interaction that way either-i am looking at going back to work part time but keep getting regected so its put me off looking-why bother??

i dont know what my purpose is..i have no meaning in life (in saying that im NOT suicidal) its as though the worlds moving but here i am standing still. where do i go next??

im beginning to wonder what the hell went so wrong..i had it all and now i have nothing....it seems like it was only yesterday i was 18 and my biggest problem was deciding what to wear! i was top of the class at polytec (child and community care-which i got a scholarship for),was out every weekend with friends,was living with my boyfriend. i wouldntve changed it for the world.
then i blinked and now im almost 22 with nothing. where did 3years of my life go??
i want to point the finger and blame some one but i know its pointless and wont achieve anything..where did this come from..y did i wake up one morning depressed?? i dont get it!!!!
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Sun May 03, 2009 4:52 am

Hey Wazza

You do belong here and no one here is really in a position to judge as we are all in the same boat, we all experiance a form of mental illness, we may just be at a different stage or have a different ability to cope.

Don't worry about not being able to provide advice, maybe you are at the stage where you need support. In order to be in a position to offer support and advice you have to be stable/well first and sounds like you are not at that stage. You never know further down the track you may be able to help someone.

When you are online just come into chat, pull up a seat and just listen, join in if you want to. I promise we dont bite, we i may do only if asked nicely!

I know what you mean about not belonging. I dont have friends I have aquanciences which I have met through various things. I dont belong to any clubs or social groups and it can get very lonely. We have to put ourselves out there a little bit and take a chance. I am doing this by having a NZD profile looking for friendships. Have met one person off socially and may be meeting another next week.

As for standing still, I understand. I am not sure if you have seen my psots recently and seen some of the issues I have been having and I just dont know where I am or where I am going. It is hard when your unwell cos your compass is off and the fog rolls in.

I know this post probably hasnt been much help but atleast you know oyu are not alone

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Paddy on Sun May 03, 2009 8:39 am

Hey Wizza,

I'm really pleased you're here posting, cos we all use this place in different ways, depending on how we feel and what we need, n what phase the moon is.

This is a really good place to have a whinge - I know, cos I set it up for exactly that purpose. So, if you need to whinge, whinge away. Don't put any pressure on yourself over the chat room or any other part of this place; just keep using it as you need to. Thats why TBBD exists.

No one has to feel invisible here. You can be if you want to, but you don't have to be.

Take care, eh?

Pat. flower
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Sun May 03, 2009 9:57 am

you know, I go through empty phrases... empty inside and out... and that I don't belong... but they pass with time...and then they come back. Please do winge here. It reminds me that I am human too with these feelings.

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by ZenMonsta on Sun May 03, 2009 7:06 pm

OI goober girl

You do belong here and we all love having you here so prrrrrrrrrrrrrrft .

Dont make me have to come back in here and spank that purrrrrrrrtyy patootey!!!


Hugs

Monsta
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Sun May 03, 2009 7:19 pm

Who are you calling goober girl...I don't drooll... unless a hunky spunky goes past..and even then it is a perhaps... maybe I do when I am asleep!

Anyway wizza, hope you are better today. Very Happy

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Thu May 14, 2009 10:45 pm

Embarassed thanks guys..feel a bit silly now.

things arnt goin to bad i guess, although today was the first time i left the house in over two weeks!! i have my good moments but they are not as regular as i would like.

still no word from the psycologist,thats really starting to get to me..the drs fault ,or the psycologist?? maybe ive been lost somewhere along the way? wish something would happen soon,my head needs to rest and i need to move past the things that are bothering me and i am not able to do it on my own *sigh* feel like a lost cause sometimes............


Last edited by _wizza_ on Thu May 14, 2009 10:46 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : need to learn to proof read =))
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guerrilla Roach on Thu May 14, 2009 11:31 pm

Life has ups and life has downs. Enjoy the ups and learn from the downs. How you approach the storm often determines how you will emerge from it.

Take care Smile
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Fri May 15, 2009 12:29 am

You are not a lost cause!!!! hang on - I'll say it again to reinforce it You are not a lost cause!! now repeat after me...I AM NOT A LOST CAUSE...

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Paddy on Fri May 15, 2009 1:16 am

What she said, Wizza.

Oh, and you don't need to give a reason for editing your posts, ok? Just the fact that you want to, is good enough here. cheers

Take care Wizza and remember, you don't have to be a stranger here. We're all strange. Razz
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Fri May 15, 2009 3:52 am

((((Hugs)))) for Wizza.

Part of what I love about this place is that we all have a pretty good understanding of depression. I think that we all know that even when somebody isn't posting, or chatting we still know that they are here, and we still spare a thought or two for them. It really does feel like a big family here, and its a big family where everybody is accepted. I love that some days I can post 10 messages, and sometimes I can go 10 days without posting at all. Some days, i just don't feel up to it - I don't have the energy or can't come up with anything to say. But I'm still here and I still stop by - even when I'm not posting. As I'm sure you are too.

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by daze7 on Fri May 15, 2009 6:01 am

Hi Wizza, I agree with the others! .... and - what about you set a time limit on phoning to enquire about your appointment with your Dr or Psychologist. If you haven't heard anything by say Wednesday (or whatever feels right for you) - to remind them you're waiting. I now do this type of thing so I'm not hanging about wondering and wondering!

Daze
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Fri May 15, 2009 8:07 am

how are you going today Wizza?

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Sun May 17, 2009 11:28 am

i cant shake the blues...i wana go back 3 years and right all the wrong turns i made...god what the hell was i thinking?! im almost mourning my "old" life..i want it back and i cant get it back....fuck depression!!!!!!!!!! im giving in to this horrible mental illness its hard and exausting to fight with it..i just wana let it win and live a misrable existance. y me?? y anyone?? im sick of daily meds, im sick of my head,im sick of lack of sleep.y the hell cant i be normal-whatever the hell that means...ill ring the psycologist first thing tomorow..i really feel like giving them an earfull..or the dr...actually anyone...aaaaaaaarrrrrrgggggggghhhhhhh
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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Sun May 17, 2009 10:19 pm

Oh Wizza I can so relate to so much of what you are saying cheers
You are so not alone in this. Let us know how you get on with whoever it is that you call.

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by Guest on Sun May 17, 2009 11:21 pm

hey paddy I represent the remark about being strange here...but I'm strange everywhere lol!!

We all want to turn back time...god knows Paddy must with his back..and I certainly do to pre 1st marriage (and brother interfering with me at 5) but the thing is that you just can't change the past, we simply can't. No

So we live with what we have today. The past forms us for today..imagine what today will form for us for the future. Surprised

Keep your chin up lovely lass, and try not to fall to far. flower

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Re: shakes fist at the world

Post by _wizza_ on Tue May 19, 2009 11:08 am

. Suspect
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