why does life deal big shat sandwiches and yet other times it is so delightful!

night before last I had made plans. Had it all planned out. Kick partner and children out of house, take a bottle of alchol and lie is a car with a tube. Just go to sleep.

Had a sleep and felt better and the only planning that went on was my boys easter egg hunt. That was good this morning. Now I can't be bothered with housework or anything again.

But this is only a small low, when I fly high I land hard.

I want it to stop and there are only two ways out of it. The easy way (going away from everything - if you get my drift) or the difficult way (seeking help).

The problem with that is I don't want to be labeled a nut case. people judge, people tease, people look down their noses at me...opps they do that now so perhaps I should follow number one through.

Hopeless case I am.

my parents were always to busy, my partner is too busy, my siblings are to busy. I am not worthy of this world.

Mylife,

It can be difficult to seek help, and yes people do judge, but they are the people that do not understand and don't want to understand. A doctor will not judge you, they are there to help you. If you don't feel comfortable talking to your own doctor, then you need to find one who you are comfortable talking to. You want to be around to watch your boys grow up, and they want you around too.

How did you know i had two boys? They don't need to be around me, I am a bad influence. Make them feel crap too. They are good tho -

I didn't know you had two boys. I used the word 'boys' which is what you used in your first post. Sorry I assumed it meant you had more than one.

Sorry, just a bit paranoid that people will think that I am nuts.

Hate this.

Hate this life.

Hate this life immensly.

Hate this life immensly and know what to do.

mylife wrote:How did you know i had two boys? They don't need to be around me, I am a bad influence. Make them feel crap too. They are good tho -

ok I would like to make an observation here about this comment...YOU will not be a bad influence for your boys...the truth of this is...when our kids see us hurting and having lows they feel it...much like we feel for them when they are teething or break an arm falling out of a tree...they can see your world isn't right but instinctively they are also aware that they can't really do anything to help...this is what makes them feel bad.

and that in a nutshell is also why you need to get plans like the one you mention above well out of head...your boys have a large dash of love and empathy...don't force onto them the horror of losing a parent that they obviously love

Hi brite lite

How are you today. Love the dog.

hiya mylife...thank you...she is my work dog pup...and she is one ugly gangly dog that would rather get taller than put some weight on...but she is a real sweetheart

do you want to come have a chat in the chatroom??

wot chat room, what's that about?

when you are logged in go to the home page...you will find it now by clicking the 'home' at the top left of this page...scroll down to the bottom and there it is...just click on the log in bit of it and you can 'live chat'...you can only see/use it when logged on to the site...there are a couple of others in there right now to...they are all good people...come join us...please.

Hey MyLife, how you doing at the moment. Try not to worry about the judgement of others, just think about how much better you would feel if you got some help. Sometimes we have to be selfish and do what it takes to make us better inside - then the flow on is that it becomes better for others around us as well. You can get through this. Glad you have joined us - it's pretty friendly round here.

hey they LG, better today. Yes am going to be selfish today. Hope your feeling better too

Hey getting better,

aka guest

Back again.. life is more shat than not at the moment, but getting there.

Certainly have not visited any more train stations..