My pain filled logic

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My pain filled logic

Post by 1teaspoon on Sat Dec 27, 2008 12:10 am

My Pain filled logic

Logical equals irrational when one slices skin, an insane way of ridding, the pain from within.
As bloody red tears flowed down my arm, I couldnít see sense; that I was doing myself harm.

It made sense at the time and felt like it helped, but I realize now, I was kidding myself.
I felt that I had no other way of release, and by slicing my skin, I felt the pain inside ease.

So if it helped out so much; then why did I hide? And not tell a soul; was it my own stupid pride?
Or was it because the blade caused me shame, the results of my cutting made me feel down again.

A vicious tumbling cycle; of pain and utter madness, yet I wouldnít ask for help; just drowned in my sadness.
Zigzags and road maps; interstate arms, scabs and dried blood caused many alarm.

Still I just couldnít see the damage I was causing, I continued on slicing till I woke up one morning.
A cut here and there was no longer helping, the pain was too strong; my brain started melting.

So I stood in my workplace and drew back my knife, I wanted the pain to stop; didnít think of my life.
I was about to draw through from elbow to wrist, I never even thought that my life was at risk.

My employer walked in before I cut deep, I awoke from a nightmare; Id been living asleep.
I went home that night and cried my eyes dry, and realized then Id been living a lie.

Self-harming wasnít help, it made my problems worse, depression is an illness, but itís also a curse.
One that makes people mute and unable to speak, and sometimes brings death at its very worst peak.

It numbs off the brain; all thoughts are gone, except for the pain, it just rolls on and on.
I nearly took my life when I tried to stop the pain, maybe my story will help someone gain...

The strength to reach out and ask for a hand, and then someoneís loved oneís wont read an obituary ad.
I know it isnít easy, depression is a disease, but from someone who knows, Iím asking youÖPleaseÖ

Find someone you trust, donít walk the same road, tell them your troubles and share some of your load.
It is easier said, than done, this I know, but please ask for help and let your tears flow.


I wrote this during my first mental breakdown, which came just after leaving my first husband. I think it pretty much speaks for itself.
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1teaspoon

Number of posts : 62
Location : Christchurch, NZ
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Re: My pain filled logic

Post by ZenMonsta on Sat Dec 27, 2008 6:04 pm

Oh Hun........your stronger now. Your one of us!


Hugs

Monsta
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ZenMonsta

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Re: My pain filled logic

Post by Guerrilla Roach on Mon Dec 29, 2008 10:40 pm

Wow! That is a powerful story. You have come a long way.
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Guerrilla Roach

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Re: My pain filled logic

Post by 1teaspoon on Sat Jan 03, 2009 10:30 pm

Thanks guys, ive never really shared my poems in such an open forum before but i felt this one had its place here.
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1teaspoon

Number of posts : 62
Location : Christchurch, NZ
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Re: My pain filled logic

Post by Balancing Act on Sun Sep 13, 2009 11:20 am

I like the name '1teaspoon' -- different.

I like your writing too. Hope it helps others. Good for you. Glad things are on the way up.
Cheers.

Balancing Act

Number of posts : 22
Location : NEW PLYMOUTH, NZ
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