Blindside

This is the blindside. I feel shattered, betrayed and bewildered. I am angry, hurt and scared. Why me. Why again. You make me feel so small. You take away my breath and blur my vision. I feel you in my bones. You rule my thoughts and cloud my world in black. I feel despair. And fatigue. The anorexia wears away my body while darkness fills my head. I dont know what to do any more. For 15 years I held you off and now here you are. You've been here for months, I just didnt see. And now its too late.

The smallest cut, release the pain. Relief like waves, again and again.

Hi.

I saw in one of your posts elsewhere, that you have not seen your doctor about how overwhelming these feeling are for you? Please, find a GP and if you need some help finding one, let me know via a Persoanl Message here and I'll see if we can't find you one. I have a list somewhere of every medical practice in NZ.

It sounds like you are very aware of how things are and thats a good way to start. If you think it will be hard to talk to a doctor, why not print out your Threads here, and just let them read it?. It might help break the ice and let better communication start?

Feel free to keep posting, labyrinth and use our Board to help yourself stay safe.

No self-harm tho eh, Please?

Cos I really hate that. My arms and legs have scars they shouldn't have - they never helped really, not even at the time. It sounds like you have more than enough on your plate (for an anorexic, anyway) at the moment - please, don't inflict more hurt on you? You deserve better than that.

Stay safe and take very good, gentle care of you, eh? And talk to a doctor. It won't be easy and it won't be instant, but it has to happen and the sooner the better, hon.

Pat.

Just quietly?

Its spooking me a wee bit that this Thread has had so many views and no one has said anything.

C'mon folk, please? I don't pretend to know all the answers; I don't even know that I answered Labs posts very well, in retrospect.

Labyrinth, I'd love to know how you are?

Please, if you would like to talk off Board, feel free to email me, admin@thebigblackdog.co.nz

I can't promise to do more than listen but I'm a really good listener. You take very good care of yourself please, and be gentle with you.

Pat.

A couple of the views are from me, but i have been trying to figure out what to say.

Labyrinth has written down their feelings so beautifully - but so honestly too.

Please don't do anything regretable - we have all felt similar to how you feel, and so far have all survived. You are now one of our 'cyber' family and we want to keep you there.

We all love this board, and the great thing about it is that there is always someone here that can relate to how you feel, sometimes that helps immensly, sometimes only a little, but it does help.

You can scream and shout in the vent chamber, let it all hang out!!

But please, please don't hurt yourself!!

Same guys, I'm sorry, veiwed a couple of times but didn't know what to say that was going to be helpful. Maybe just letting you know that we are thinking of you and sending cyber hugs is better than not responding at all. Take care and I really hope things will improve for you soon.

Hi Lab, I also have looked at this thread and am at a loss to know what to say to you except PLEASE go and talk to someone in your area. In the meantime you will find really good support on here if you just want to chat, or get emotional support from the longer standing members on here.

Labryinth how are you now,