I didn't think it was possible, but life is getting better!

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I didn't think it was possible, but life is getting better!

Post by escadachic on Sun Apr 03, 2011 8:45 am

When my PND started over a year ago, I thought I'd never feel better. I have also lived with depression for so long, I am very used to it being part of my life, even part of my personality. I figured it's just a part of who I am.

I think, depression, will always come and go in my life, as it's just the way my brain is wired. It's just learning to manage it. I reckon I've spend about 15 yrs, just trying to live with it, but not always successfully. I think what is key for me, is sticking to the anti-depressants, until it is agreed, by myself and a medical professional, that it is time to stop. In the past, I've just hated the fact that I needed them and would just give up, without consulting anyone. As I was just too proud and, though I know I have depression, I was in denial and wanted to pretend I was fine and I didn't need medication. Same with counselling. I never finished any counselling and never resolved issues that I need to. Simply pride again and wanting to pretend I didn't have issues.

I guess it's hard swallowing ones pride and admitting to being flawed and needing help.

Now that I'm in my 30's though, I think I have grown up a lot and gotten over my pride. Though it's hard, I do ask for help. Though I'll admit, sometimes when I'm having shit days, I won't reach out. I just don't know how to reach out to my friends. who can support me. It's out of my comfort zone and I suspect, it is still somewhat a pride thing.

I am doing much better these days. Though I do have the odd down day. I just hate those odd moments of sadness, that seem to come out of nowhere and appear to have no explanation for turning up.

I find blogging quite good. As I can go on there and vent, when I just have to get something off my chest.

I have some friends who suffer with depression, whom I should tell about this website, as I think it's great and a lot of people just don't know it exists. It's so great to have somewhere, us with mental illness can come and be accepted, understood and most importantly NOT JUDGED!

I find my counselling is so very helpful. My counsellor uses Cognative Behavioural Therapy and Transactional Analysis and I find those methods to be very effective. I think part of the reason other counsellors haven't worked for me in the past is because, all they seem to do is listen and let you go off in tangents and you come away, feeling the same and nothing changes. Don't know how people like that can be called Qualified! As anyone can do that! The listening and not guiding the session.

So anyway, things may not be perfect in my life, but I'm not so fazed by things. I definitely think the counselling and anti-depressants do a lot to help with that. And having someone to go to every week, that is just for you, is really great.
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escadachic

Number of posts : 40
Age : 38
Location : Wellington, New Zealand
Registration date : 2011-02-04

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Re: I didn't think it was possible, but life is getting better!

Post by Shadeofgrey on Tue Jul 12, 2011 12:05 pm

Hi escadachic!

That's a great result. I've been battling with depression since I was 18 (I'm now 25) and only now have I taken it seriously. I always thought that eventually I would beat it on my own (the pride got in the way), the good ol' she'll be right attitude. That obviously was not working, so I'm now on medication and going to get therapy, namely CBT.

Your post is inspiring because I know that it has worked for you it can work for me. Thank you.

Shadeofgrey

Number of posts : 3
Location : Auckland
Registration date : 2011-07-12

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Re: I didn't think it was possible, but life is getting better!

Post by escadachic on Tue Jul 12, 2011 9:53 pm

Hi Shadeofgrey,

Glad to hear my post inspired you. I have a blog if you ever want to read it. Just P.M me on here and I'll give you the link.

An update on things with me.

I did stop taking anti-d's in mid-April, as the side effects were just totally outweighing the benefits. And I coped fine for a few months on no meds. But about 6 wks ago my depression started to come back with a vengeance and I just couldn't get over that period of depression. Originally when I went off the anti-d's I had consulted with my counsellor, who said talk to the doctor. Which I did. But the doctor was closed-minded and refused to try me on different anti-d's or let me wean off them. So I decided, screw that, I know myself and I'll be better off without them. So I stopped taking them and felt 'normal' again for a few months. Though, as I said above, about 6 wks ago, depression came back. I mean it always does unfortunately. But I know what's good for me and when I need help, so went to a different doctor, who listened to me and respected my wants and needs and now I'm on Venlafaxine(Effexor). Started on 1 tablet per day for 2 wks, then upped to 2 tablets this week for another 2 wks and then supposed to up to 3-4 tablets in 2 more weeks. I am definitely feeling much better again, and the only side effect is mild-nausea. Which is much better then the long list of side effects Escitalopram(Oxalate) gave me.

I was pretty much losing control before I went back to the doctor this last time. I was getting angry as hell and my anxiety was going nuts.

I've not seen my counsellor for about a month, as the funding ran out, so that's probably not helped. But I will be seeing him again next week, yay! Yeah CBT is awesome, I can't say enough good things about it. It's the only approach I have ever found that really works for me.

I am really proud of how far I've come since getting PND last year. My attitude is much better, my outlook is much more positive and that is a big change to how I was at the start of this journey.

What we need to remember is, though we may think we are weak, we aren't. We really are strong, as we are still here, we are still surviving, so that shows strength in itself.

Hope is all going well with you Shadeofgrey.

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