I'm getting there

Okay - So I have been off my medication for about 3 months now. Have been feeling quite well.
My doctor does not yet know but we did discuss last year how to lower the dose and/or wean off.

As I'm sure everyone does, I have moments where I still wonder why do I bother? Wouldn't it just be easier not to be here?
But I know my partner and kittens are here for me, and they would do anything.

It's frightening and I'm so lucky to be where I am in life, but why do I still feel like it's just a bit hard.

I don't want to worry about all the things that are happening around NZ, around the world. But I do.
I want to be content all the time and not feel useless and low. But I can't.

I want to feel as though I mean something to someone, that what I say gets listened too and not ignored most of the time.
I know for a fact that I am a lot better than I was a couple years ago. But I also know that I'm not in the safety yet. I may never be.
Life is an amazing thing, but it seems pointless half the time, even with every great thing I have at the moment.

I'm afraid i'm not going to be truly happy with life.
I'm scared

And I hate that I have put on so much weight and it hasn't come off! :-(

Hey qwerky90

I too am off the meds - and yeah I still have highs and lows, but not to the same extreme's I had prior. Yes the weight is there (between the meds and bad eating habits I've put on about 25kg!)

It is tough, but we are fighters and will get there. Are you still doing your walking? I know you enjoyed that. What about that house and vegie patch - how's that going?

I was home sick for part of yesterday (with a tummy bug) as was my eldest son, and yeah I sat down and thought "why are we here" as I watched updates on Japan.

We are here because we just are, we all have people around who love us for who we are. Believe it or not there are probably aspects of us that we love about ourselves too - we just can't or won't see it!!!!!

Thanks mylife You're lovely.

I try to be

Hi Mylife I'm curious to know why you went off your meds? I'm being nosey so don't answer if it's too personal!