I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

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I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:32 am

I want to hurt myself, I have enough meds to do some damage, I have the blades to cut open my skin. I feel like it's pointless me being here, like I don't contribute anything, I feel like I'm not going to be able to complete this course. All I want to do it sleep - that's all I've wanted to do since we reduced my dose of Risperidone a week and a half ago. I'm fed up, had enough, want to curl up and die.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by kathchris on Fri Feb 18, 2011 2:55 am

Logical-cents -Hugs to you today. I dont really know what else to say but hey get through today the best you know how because tomorrow is a new day and you never know the blessings that may came.


Do you have any animals- I have lots Smile my other half is a softie.

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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:21 am

This started yesterday afternoon. Hope it passes soon. Yep we have 5 cats.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by kathchris on Fri Feb 18, 2011 3:30 am

I wouldn't be with out my animals. I have 2 moggys and a birman . A old lab,6 rabbits,2 chooks,tropical fish Smile I hate it when I feel really down. But I try and go out and do something whether it be a walk or even a treat ( chocolate does it for me) .

I also remember what my triggers are that make me feel down.I dont have any friends but I try am remember what things I am greatful for.House,food 5 kids, and the list goes on .

I really just wanted to you to know that this to will pass.Take care.

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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by IBMAREE on Fri Feb 18, 2011 5:37 am

Im not sure what to say only take care and I am thinking of you
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Fri Feb 18, 2011 9:27 pm

Still feeling much the same today, but we have people coming over for dinner tonight so I'm cleaning at the moment (well taking a break now but will go back to it in a minute) just done the dishes and now gonna dust then vacuum, then later I've got two roasts and veges to cook so can't just lie in bed and sleep like I want to do.

Got the kitten and one of the older cats tearing around chasing each other, they loving the fact all doors and windows are open.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:05 am

Today I have dusted, vacuumed, put away dishes, washed dishes, put away those dishes, washed more dishes, put away more dishes, washed the shower curtain, swept the front steps, swept the back steps, wiped down the table outside, wiped down the vanity and sink in bathroom, cleaned toilet. We have people coming over for dinner tonight, what's he done?? Cut up a few veges for the roast. Last week he told me that he'd help out with dishes and on Saturday we'd do like a flat clean now that I'm starting study, yea right, he was out for 3 hours this morning (though one hour of that was for work), and cooking the roast and veges and setting the table etc will all be left to me as well.

There was however a good thing about him being away while I was cleaning, meant I could play my music loud while cleaning.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Sat Feb 19, 2011 3:27 am

I'm still wanting to hurt myself somehow, still wanting to curl up and not wake up. Hate feeling like this, I should be looking forward to things, but I'm not. I feel lonely and alone.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Sat Feb 19, 2011 5:12 am

And just done MORE bloody dishes
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by Guest on Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:10 am

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Last edited by wowinnz on Fri Mar 18, 2011 1:26 am; edited 1 time in total

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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Sat Feb 19, 2011 8:27 am

Yep we've got a whole lot of dishes piled up now after dinner and dessert for 4 plus all the dishes that came with cooking the dinner and I highly doubt that I'm gonna have any help tomorrow from my flatmate in cleaning them up, just like I had no help today.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by nzmum on Sat Feb 19, 2011 1:41 pm

hugs lc, its hard when theres work to do and your the only one doing it.. especially wehn its the last thing you feel like. hang in there your doing well

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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Sat Feb 19, 2011 9:42 pm

He's doing the dishes, just wish I could feel happy bout that.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:08 am

Wish this feeling would pass
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by nzmum on Sun Feb 20, 2011 5:22 am

hugss to you lc, sorry your still not feeling good, here if you want to chat

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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:23 am

Thanks NZM. Rang home and spoke to parents, feeling a little bit better at moment after that.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by nzmum on Sun Feb 20, 2011 7:39 am

thats real good im happy to hear that lc.. hang in there ok

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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Tue Feb 22, 2011 1:50 am

Mood is starting to lift a little bit and tonight we are making a decision on who to take for our new flatmate (we have at least 2 choices so far, maybe 3) so that will help a bit as well.

(and I'm typing this from my classroom, lol)
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by nzmum on Tue Feb 22, 2011 2:43 am

oh lc im so glad things are starting to feel better, thats real good news

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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by logical-cents on Mon Feb 28, 2011 6:06 am

Moods dropping again, not sure why but wondering if maybe it's something to do with my course and the fact I still don't really want to be there. Must stick it out though, as flatmate said 'what else are you going to do?' and he's right, if I give it up I've got nothing again.
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Re: I want to cry, I want to throw things and not clean up

Post by nzmum on Mon Feb 28, 2011 7:31 am

hang in there lc

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