Lots of tears today

My youngest (21) has not been in touch recently and found out why today.
Seems I am the worlds worst mother and have ruined her life - she wants nothing more to do with me.
Her world has fallen apart recently and can understand her lashing out but my heart feels broken and the angry words she yelled at me are ringing in my ears.
The thought of not seeing her over Christmas - or God forbid - never again is tearing me up.
Am telling myself she will change her mind and just give her time - but want her to know I am here for her if she wants me and hate the thought of her suffering on her own.
Feeling very sad..

Dear Josie

I am one of four daughters. We each one of us at one time or another (and over again) told my mam how much we hated/loathed/disliked her

She was a feisty little Irish lady who gave us a good thrashing whether we needed it or not and twice on Sundays (before Mass).

Josie listen to this, please dear. If your daughter had NO feelings for you at all she couldn't feel mad at you, so there must be heaps of love its just gone all skew wiff at the moment because her own circumstances have turned to custard.
Josie rest assured you will always be her mam, she is angry at something or someone and you are the only target she has to aim at.

I miss my mam so very very much and I am sorry for all the times I made her feel small, well smaller than she really was.

Thanks so much for your thoughts - it does help.
In a previous life I used to be able to brush these kind of things off as it is not the first time my daughter has turned on me.
Still tearful but am also hoping she will change her mind before Christmas and will get to see her.
Also remembering what a loving and caring little girl she was many years ago which helps.
Have decided to send her a text everyday even if I don't hear back at least she knows I love her.

I'm a mother of two sons.. both of whom have recently told me I suck as a mother.. not quite the words THEY used..
I can totally empathise.

And as a 26 year old I barely spoke to my own mother for nearly a year. It hurt me more than I could ever have imagined. I wont repeat that mistake.

Like Martine says, you will always be her Mum.
Just keep sending out the love.

Hi Just wondering how you were today.

And you know she is only 21, she will need you before you need her poor little thing.

At 21 we think we're bulletproof and we're not are we>

Thank God for our Mums!!

Thank you, gosh everyone on here is so caring.
Still lots of tears but do not feel things are hopeless and keeping positive about other things.
Sent her way too many text messages today offering things and wanting to help so will try and curb that.
If she wants space guess me messaging is just annoying?
Yes she does need me - breaks my heart that she won't let me in..
Her eldest brother (29) will be coming down for Christmas and will hopefully get something out of her - he would do anything for her and she adores him.

You know Josie you may well be right. Her brother might be able to gouge the stone out of her hoof, whre you can't.

Brace yourself for the forthcoming news and rest assured family gatherings are the time when these things come out. You won't be the only one in Christchurch this year having a "weird" Christmas.

If it gets dreadful you can always come round to mine for a sherry. Or we'll keep each other sane on the phone.

Love to you Martinexx

Just stopped smoking a couple of weeks ago and not a good time for stress. Still feeling positive though and thanks for feed back it has helped.
As you said Martine I will not be the only person having a weird Christmas.
Still have 2 children and parents who are talking to me and my partner is trying his best to understand and be supportive.
I tend not to talk too much about how I am feeling with my family as they do not understand depression and think you can just "get up and get over it".
Finding regular exercise is helping me keep positive, am loving the warm weather and getting out in the garden lots.

That all sounds positive Josie, hope you and your family have a peaceful Christmas.

Good fer you Josie.

You see you have a strong foundation and lots of love around you and all our good wishes.

Remember its not the event its how you react to it is what is under your control.

Have a wonderful Christrmas with the family who do love you and keep a space at the table just in case.

Love Marianxx

Just an update and sorry if it is depressing.
My daughter never got in touch or turned up for Christmas.
I got the grieving out of my system before the day and managed to enjoy my time with family.
Since then both my parents have had their birthdays. They both love and adore their grandaughter and cannot understand why she has turned her back on them as well. They have done everything they could over the years and do not deserve to feel hurt so have decided not to attempt to contact her any more.
It was recently my daughters birthday and it has been hell ! .. Remembering the planning and hopes for a baby girl all those years ago and how it came true. Who would have believed as I gazed down at my beautiful baby girl that many years later I would be wondering where she was, why she has cut me out of her life and if I would ever hear from her again??
If I am such a bad parent will I be a bad grandmother as well?
My first grandchild (girl) is due any time now.