Some poems I have written from the heart :)
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nzmum
Millie25
6 posters
The Big Black Dog Message Board & Chat Room (TBBD) :: Depression & Mental Illness Discussion :: The Ventilation Chamber
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Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Millie25 Mon Jan 31, 2011 2:05 am
------------Haunted--------------
As darkness unfolds
The thoughts and memories take hold
Captured with a tight grasp
I'm thrust into the past.
I see his shadow etching forever closer
His breath to tell he was definately a smoker
I feel his skin, can hear his heart racing, his breath against my face.
I try to scream, Itry to fight
But nothing happens except a deadly fright.
I wished it all to stop, for the world to suddenly end
But it seemed to last forever, how long would all depend..
He leaves with out a word as he slinks into the night
Leaving behind an 11 year old girl crying with all her might.
Maybe I was being punished or was destined to be
A dirty little slut with a secret just for me.
Was I too fat? Too dumb? Too Ugly?
Or was it just because, because I was just me?
A jolt brings me back to a place that I know
A place I should feel safe, not afraid or alone.
But everyday he comes to haunt me in my head
Taking me back to the place that I so dread.
These memories are so real, it's like it's happening again
The pain and the suffering feels like it will never surrend.
How I wish it all to stop to come to an end
Because it is hurting me again and again.
---------Broken---------------
I'm fighting a losing battle
The more I fight, the faster I fall.
Dawn turns into dusk, day into night, light into dark
But I'm still left searching, wondering and waiting
For the black hole to take me.
People think they know, that they understand, they pretend to care
But little do they know the
Pain and torment I so horribly fear.
It's like a slide, a downward spiral,
An avalanch or the 'tower of terror'
My sillent screams fall on death ears
No one can see that past the fake smile is just a girl
A girl of fear. A girl of sadness. A girl of dispair.
A broken girl in need of repair.
------------People say---------------
Pull your head in
I'm sick of all this bullshit
Get over yourself
Harden up
'Do you even want to get better?'
Your not trying hard enough
Stop thinking like that
I understand
Be more positive
Stop acting like this
You need to be more grateful
Theres people out there with worse problems than you
Be happy
You dont have the right to be like this
I know what your going through
You need to do this
You need to do that
You need to take this
Well they're all wrong!!!
-----------Scar-------------
Where to go?
Accross the street? Down the road?
Or over the old train tracks?
I decide to go some where new, somewhere
hidden and out of view
As I arrive, I take a seat and look at the
two tree stumps in front of me.
I try to stop, I try to control it, But before I know it
I have carved seven lines into the right tree stump.
It starts to drizzle and then it begins to pour
As I gradually look down to see the pain
Washing away in a red stream out of
the seven cuts I just made
On my right thigh.
-----------------Mirrors-------------------
Mirrors don’t lie
They reflect the truth
They’re not afraid to show your imperfections
Those aggressive zits on your face, those extra pounds of fat
There’s no hiding from reality
My mirror shows me what others can see of me
I am a massive slob of lard
A breeding ground for those massive zits, volcanoes and craters
The mop of untameable hair
My disproportioned body with its many rolls and bulges
Mirrors don’t lie
Now I understand why people stop and stare
Those cruel remarks of self hatred
A mirror is factual because
Mirrors don’t lie
--------------Scales--------------------- (09.02.2011)
It takes a step of courage
To overcome the fear
Like stepping off a cliff top
You don’t want to look down there
It flashes bright red, as you dread to know
The horrible number that destines below
I bite the bullet and look down to see
A two digit number of unfamiliarity
I hate that number, it speaks the truth
Of how much I’ve changed while being a youth
I get the urge to cut away,
All that fat that gets in my way
All the bulges and wobbly bits,
I hate my body, I have to admit
I can not believe how much I weigh
Even though I restrict the amount of food I eat in a day
I hate myself, I really, really do
But most of all
I hate that you have to look at such a view.
As darkness unfolds
The thoughts and memories take hold
Captured with a tight grasp
I'm thrust into the past.
I see his shadow etching forever closer
His breath to tell he was definately a smoker
I feel his skin, can hear his heart racing, his breath against my face.
I try to scream, Itry to fight
But nothing happens except a deadly fright.
I wished it all to stop, for the world to suddenly end
But it seemed to last forever, how long would all depend..
He leaves with out a word as he slinks into the night
Leaving behind an 11 year old girl crying with all her might.
Maybe I was being punished or was destined to be
A dirty little slut with a secret just for me.
Was I too fat? Too dumb? Too Ugly?
Or was it just because, because I was just me?
A jolt brings me back to a place that I know
A place I should feel safe, not afraid or alone.
But everyday he comes to haunt me in my head
Taking me back to the place that I so dread.
These memories are so real, it's like it's happening again
The pain and the suffering feels like it will never surrend.
How I wish it all to stop to come to an end
Because it is hurting me again and again.
---------Broken---------------
I'm fighting a losing battle
The more I fight, the faster I fall.
Dawn turns into dusk, day into night, light into dark
But I'm still left searching, wondering and waiting
For the black hole to take me.
People think they know, that they understand, they pretend to care
But little do they know the
Pain and torment I so horribly fear.
It's like a slide, a downward spiral,
An avalanch or the 'tower of terror'
My sillent screams fall on death ears
No one can see that past the fake smile is just a girl
A girl of fear. A girl of sadness. A girl of dispair.
A broken girl in need of repair.
------------People say---------------
Pull your head in
I'm sick of all this bullshit
Get over yourself
Harden up
'Do you even want to get better?'
Your not trying hard enough
Stop thinking like that
I understand
Be more positive
Stop acting like this
You need to be more grateful
Theres people out there with worse problems than you
Be happy
You dont have the right to be like this
I know what your going through
You need to do this
You need to do that
You need to take this
Well they're all wrong!!!
-----------Scar-------------
Where to go?
Accross the street? Down the road?
Or over the old train tracks?
I decide to go some where new, somewhere
hidden and out of view
As I arrive, I take a seat and look at the
two tree stumps in front of me.
I try to stop, I try to control it, But before I know it
I have carved seven lines into the right tree stump.
It starts to drizzle and then it begins to pour
As I gradually look down to see the pain
Washing away in a red stream out of
the seven cuts I just made
On my right thigh.
-----------------Mirrors-------------------
Mirrors don’t lie
They reflect the truth
They’re not afraid to show your imperfections
Those aggressive zits on your face, those extra pounds of fat
There’s no hiding from reality
My mirror shows me what others can see of me
I am a massive slob of lard
A breeding ground for those massive zits, volcanoes and craters
The mop of untameable hair
My disproportioned body with its many rolls and bulges
Mirrors don’t lie
Now I understand why people stop and stare
Those cruel remarks of self hatred
A mirror is factual because
Mirrors don’t lie
--------------Scales--------------------- (09.02.2011)
It takes a step of courage
To overcome the fear
Like stepping off a cliff top
You don’t want to look down there
It flashes bright red, as you dread to know
The horrible number that destines below
I bite the bullet and look down to see
A two digit number of unfamiliarity
I hate that number, it speaks the truth
Of how much I’ve changed while being a youth
I get the urge to cut away,
All that fat that gets in my way
All the bulges and wobbly bits,
I hate my body, I have to admit
I can not believe how much I weigh
Even though I restrict the amount of food I eat in a day
I hate myself, I really, really do
But most of all
I hate that you have to look at such a view.
Last edited by Millie25 on Tue Feb 08, 2011 8:46 pm; edited 2 times in total
Millie25- Number of posts : 26
Location : Auckland
Registration date : 2010-10-11
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by nzmum Mon Jan 31, 2011 7:48 am
((((hugs)))) millie, very powerful, its great that you can express your thoughts n feelings thru words, keep posting 
nzmum- Number of posts : 201
Location : palmerston north nz
Registration date : 2011-01-29
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by mumtothree Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:08 am
hay they are great hate to say it but could relate to the "people say" poem well done 
mumtothree- Number of posts : 292
Location : Palmerston North
Registration date : 2009-08-27
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Millie25 Mon Jan 31, 2011 8:57 pm
Thanks guys, means a lot to have your thoughts of my poems, I know they are not very happy poems, but it really helps me feel goodish if that makes any sense hehe. better to get it down on paper than to keep it inside 
Millie25- Number of posts : 26
Location : Auckland
Registration date : 2010-10-11
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by nzmum Mon Jan 31, 2011 11:10 pm
it makes perfect sence millie and your right, better to write than to keep it inside. i have a few poems ive written, maybe ill share them with you guys sometime too.
how are you doing today?
how are you doing today?
nzmum- Number of posts : 201
Location : palmerston north nz
Registration date : 2011-01-29
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Guest Tue Feb 01, 2011 1:47 am
what a whole lot of noncience, I personally would never post such personal poems. This only says one thing ---that you are an attention-seeking liar. Get off the message boards with all your emotional bull-shit. Thats what a diary is for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! 
Guest- Guest
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Admin (Paddy) Tue Feb 01, 2011 3:04 am
Country-Chick,
You are WRONG, very wrong in what you have posted in this Thread.
I see that you are a new member of our site, The Big Black Dog Message Board and thus am I'm reluctantly inclined to give a First and Last Warning rather than end your membership immediately.
Your Post immediately above is totally unacceptable to me as founder and Admin of the site, and I'm certain, to many if not most members.
This place, TBBD is EXACTLY the place to to post such 'personal poems'.
TBBD exists, to allow folk to have a voice which may otherwise not be heard or seen.
You do not have to read others posts and you certainly don't have to respond to them, but when you do choose to respond, you will at the very least be courteous to other members. How dare a new member come here to our sanctuary at TBBD and speak to another member like that.
Country-Chick - if you are not here to be nice, don't be here, thanks. We don't all have to agree with each other, but we do have to be courteous.
Any further nastiness from you towards any member or anything Posted here at TBBD will see your Membership here of TBBD, at an end. Without further warning or Notice.
Pat Quinn
Founder, Site Administrator etc
TBBD.
You are WRONG, very wrong in what you have posted in this Thread.
I see that you are a new member of our site, The Big Black Dog Message Board and thus am I'm reluctantly inclined to give a First and Last Warning rather than end your membership immediately.
Your Post immediately above is totally unacceptable to me as founder and Admin of the site, and I'm certain, to many if not most members.
This place, TBBD is EXACTLY the place to to post such 'personal poems'.
TBBD exists, to allow folk to have a voice which may otherwise not be heard or seen.
You do not have to read others posts and you certainly don't have to respond to them, but when you do choose to respond, you will at the very least be courteous to other members. How dare a new member come here to our sanctuary at TBBD and speak to another member like that.
Country-Chick - if you are not here to be nice, don't be here, thanks. We don't all have to agree with each other, but we do have to be courteous.
Any further nastiness from you towards any member or anything Posted here at TBBD will see your Membership here of TBBD, at an end. Without further warning or Notice.
Pat Quinn
Founder, Site Administrator etc
TBBD.
Admin (Paddy)- Admin
- Number of posts : 259
Age : 63
Location : Rangitikei, New Zealand
Registration date : 2008-08-16 -
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Millie25 Tue Feb 01, 2011 3:42 am
country_chick wrote:what a whole lot of noncience, I personally would never post such personal poems. This only says one thing ---that you are an attention-seeking liar. Get off the message boards with all your emotional bull-shit. Thats what a diary is for!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
I am really really sorry to have offended you, I understand that not everyone will express things the same way
I hope that this will not make your welcome to TBBD any less. But I have to offer you my heart felt appologies. I will endevour to not put such personal items out there for the publics viewing. Really, really sorry
Millie25- Number of posts : 26
Location : Auckland
Registration date : 2010-10-11
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Admin (Paddy) Tue Feb 01, 2011 4:45 am
Millie,
It is NOT YOU who is in the wrong here hon. You have nothing to apologise to any person here for. Not a thing. Quite the opposite in fact.
Millie, please feel free and welcome to post such as you been, as and when you need to because that is why I started TBBD.
Often, reading words such as yours reminds others that they are not alone in their feelings, experiences, fears, hopes, dismal moments and enjoyable days, etc. Knowing that we're not alone can make a difference to how we manage our wellness etc.
Millie, you keep posting - just don't you apologise 'cause you've done nothing to say sorry for.
Paddy.
It is NOT YOU who is in the wrong here hon. You have nothing to apologise to any person here for. Not a thing. Quite the opposite in fact.
Millie, please feel free and welcome to post such as you been, as and when you need to because that is why I started TBBD.
Often, reading words such as yours reminds others that they are not alone in their feelings, experiences, fears, hopes, dismal moments and enjoyable days, etc. Knowing that we're not alone can make a difference to how we manage our wellness etc.
Millie, you keep posting - just don't you apologise 'cause you've done nothing to say sorry for.
Paddy.
Admin (Paddy)- Admin
- Number of posts : 259
Age : 63
Location : Rangitikei, New Zealand
Registration date : 2008-08-16 -
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by nzmum Tue Feb 01, 2011 6:04 am
i second that
im reminded of that saying "if you havent got something nice to say, dont say anything at all"
Millie, thank you for posting your poems, i know im not the only one who apreciates them, i personally could relate to a couple of your poems, it was like reading my own thoughts, dont be put off posting becuase as paddy said, this is what the boards are for
country, mabye your having a tuff day, if so, perhaps starting your own thread and talking about it would help?
welcome to the boards.
nikki.
im reminded of that saying "if you havent got something nice to say, dont say anything at all"
Millie, thank you for posting your poems, i know im not the only one who apreciates them, i personally could relate to a couple of your poems, it was like reading my own thoughts, dont be put off posting becuase as paddy said, this is what the boards are for
country, mabye your having a tuff day, if so, perhaps starting your own thread and talking about it would help?
welcome to the boards.
nikki.
nzmum- Number of posts : 201
Location : palmerston north nz
Registration date : 2011-01-29
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Millie25 Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:45 am
Thanks guys, this had definately not been the day I hoped for =( to top it all off, my bunny of 7 years just passed away, she was what I lived for, but atleast I know she didnt suffer 
Millie25- Number of posts : 26
Location : Auckland
Registration date : 2010-10-11
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Admin (Paddy) Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:15 am
Admin (Paddy)- Admin
- Number of posts : 259
Age : 63
Location : Rangitikei, New Zealand
Registration date : 2008-08-16 -
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by nzmum Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:28 am
aww im sorry about your bunny millie (((hugs))) i hope tomorrow is a bit better for you
nzmum- Number of posts : 201
Location : palmerston north nz
Registration date : 2011-01-29
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Guest Tue Feb 01, 2011 7:25 pm
People say..
Its not what you say its how you say it
Its just your attitude
you always have to argue
you're angry
you dont listen to me
Be yourself
dont let them do it to you
make time for yourself
make time for them
to have friends, first be one
You're a great mum
You have a talent
You have great skills
Dont worry, they always come back
They dont really hate you
yep... people have a lot to say
Its not what you say its how you say it
Its just your attitude
you always have to argue
you're angry
you dont listen to me
Be yourself
dont let them do it to you
make time for yourself
make time for them
to have friends, first be one
You're a great mum
You have a talent
You have great skills
Dont worry, they always come back
They dont really hate you
yep... people have a lot to say
Guest- Guest
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by mumtothree Tue Feb 01, 2011 9:52 pm
OH MILLIE I REALLY LIKE THESE POEMS AND KEEP IT UP U CAN EXPRESS YOURSELF SO WELL AND IT MAKES US FEEL NO SO ALONE.
Sorry bout your bunny
Sorry bout your bunny
mumtothree- Number of posts : 292
Location : Palmerston North
Registration date : 2009-08-27
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Guest Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:38 pm
Millie25
This place has and will continue to be a safe place to come to because of Paddy and because of members on here.
The comment would have hurt and could of had further consequences, I am so relieved to see you back on here. Your a fighter Millie, don't give in to bullies.
Please keep sharing your words, vent that pain, post what ever you want, this is your place too..
Thank you Paddy for keeping TBBD safe.
Aroha Millie
This place has and will continue to be a safe place to come to because of Paddy and because of members on here.
The comment would have hurt and could of had further consequences, I am so relieved to see you back on here. Your a fighter Millie, don't give in to bullies.
Please keep sharing your words, vent that pain, post what ever you want, this is your place too..
Thank you Paddy for keeping TBBD safe.
Aroha Millie
Guest- Guest
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Millie25 Tue Feb 01, 2011 10:44 pm
Just when I thought I was alone and thinking the world was a horrible place, I see all these comments from lovely people, which has to put a smile on your face, thankyou everyone for your encouraging and supportive words, xxx
Millie25- Number of posts : 26
Location : Auckland
Registration date : 2010-10-11
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by daze7 Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:39 am
Hello Millie25 ..... I'm so pleased to see you here taking part on TBBD.
I have to say I was appalled to see the post by country-chick. How terribly rude and uncalled for. I'm also pleased to see Paddy took care of the matter.
This site is for many different people - different perspectives etc. But abuse and rudeness is not to be tolerated. As Paddy said 'you are not in the wrong' .... these are your words, and you have a right to express them.
Good to see you here Millie ...................... Daze
I have to say I was appalled to see the post by country-chick. How terribly rude and uncalled for. I'm also pleased to see Paddy took care of the matter.
This site is for many different people - different perspectives etc. But abuse and rudeness is not to be tolerated. As Paddy said 'you are not in the wrong' .... these are your words, and you have a right to express them.
Good to see you here Millie ...................... Daze
daze7- Number of posts : 630
Location : New Plymouth
Registration date : 2008-08-26
Re: Some poems I have written from the heart :)
by Martine Wed Feb 02, 2011 1:41 am
Millie love to you and God's richest blessings to you.
I am so sorry for what has happened here due to some psychopathic behaviour from a nonentity with nothing better to do than cause damage.
Its what they do and its all about them, not you or anyone else.
Please feel welcome here and thank Goodness for Paddy who stamped on the offender so quickly. We are mostly a placid lot we depressed people
and don't tend to stick our heads above the parapet, we don't do confrontation very well because of our low self-esteems, but we try our best every day to get through using what worn-out tools we have.
Love to you
Maxine
I am so sorry for what has happened here due to some psychopathic behaviour from a nonentity with nothing better to do than cause damage.
Its what they do and its all about them, not you or anyone else.
Please feel welcome here and thank Goodness for Paddy who stamped on the offender so quickly. We are mostly a placid lot we depressed people
and don't tend to stick our heads above the parapet, we don't do confrontation very well because of our low self-esteems, but we try our best every day to get through using what worn-out tools we have.
Love to you
Maxine
Martine- Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-12-24
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» My heart breaks for the people of Christchurch
» a couple of poems
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» Poems - verse thread for all to share favs, funnies etc :)
The Big Black Dog Message Board & Chat Room (TBBD) :: Depression & Mental Illness Discussion :: The Ventilation Chamber
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