Doing it alone yet again

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Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:15 am

I have often had to deal with my mental health on my own, even in times of crisis.

My guardian couldnt cope nd kicked me out at 16. I was on the street and feel through all the cracks, living in the caravan nothing changed. I had some support from an NGO while at uni. Moved to Wellington to be with my partner and didnt have any contcts or supports. She became unwell and I was he sole caregiver. This saw my own mental health decline, again I reached out to my GP and Commuity Mental Health to no availe. End result I end up in prison with my life in tatters.

Out on bail, CMT say Justice is meant to support me, Jutice say go back to CMT. Had one assesment with CMT who decided that there was no need for follow up despite my offending occuring during a break down or the fact I spent most of my time remanded in custody in the At Risk Unit. PARS work with people released from prison but there is nothing for those on bail, even if they have a 24/7 curfew.

While on Home D I had weekly sessions ih a Corrections psychologist, sh was concerned for my safety so referred me to CMT for an assesment, they reffered me back to my GP. Gee where does that sound fimilar. During my recovery I would hve tried dozens of supported employment agencies to see if I could get on their books to get back into work, no luck.

I have another depressive eposide. I talk to the GP about help and support. CMT turn me down again and I organise private counselling. Doc won't review meds.

I finally get a care package which includes doc appts, green prescription and meetings with a supported emplyment consultant. I end up finding my own job without their help.

I muddle through on my own while having ups and downs and having stress leave. Turn up for a Winz review and find out the supported employment consultant was suppose to have been having atleast biweekly phone calls with me.

Hit another bad depressive episoide last week. Reach out to a friend. They say they will contact me and never do. Contact the nurse at my docs to follow up on a couple of issues relateing to me moving. She asks how I am doing and I tell her that I was unwell. She notes it on my file.

Nurse rings me a few days later in relation to a question I asked. Never even asks how I am doing despite it being noted on my file I was at risk again.

Ring my supported employment consultant and have to cancel a meeting with her cos work have stuffed up and now am unable to meet with her for two weeks.

Yet again I am left talkin t myself

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PCCWlc6WbyU&feature=related



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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by daze7 on Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:38 am

Hello Rossie, It certainly seems like going round in circles, eh? I wonder why there aren't support groups a bit like AA or NA for people who don't have alcohol or drug problems, but just need a structure, and contact with others.

Mind you, anyone can follow a 12 step programme if they want! I think there was/is one here called 'emotions anonymous'.

Hope tomorrow is better for you .... moving house is one of the big stresses.


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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by jaffakiwi on Thu Nov 25, 2010 3:26 pm

That's a good idea Daze. Though I think there such things as "mens support groups" which can encompass any kind of problem.

Sorry things are so tough Ros. Feel free to message me whenever you're feeling the despair. Have you still got my cell phone number?

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Nov 25, 2010 7:08 pm

and me.. and I'm free for lunch today... hint hint...

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Nov 25, 2010 9:12 pm

There is an AA style programme for people with mental health issues. It is called Grow.

I attended it while in Invercargill and found it helpful. I tried to start a group in Wellington but there was not the support for it.

http://grow.org.nz/growhome1.htm


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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Wed Dec 15, 2010 3:17 am

Well I have bitten the bullet and am going to the docs on Monday to try force him to listen. I think the turning point was yesterday when my supervisor asked how I was going in regards to my thoughts about cutting. I was honest with her and said if I cut, I cut; it better than oding.

I went into work today and got some blank advance directive forms so I can get that all sorted, espically now my GP is in Wellington and I in the Hutt and the fact my clients are in the Hutt too.

I have also downloaded a tool off depression.org.nz so will see if that helps.

I finally got to have a chat with my friend, she says and sees I am doing everything I can to stay well and my supervisor agrees.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:47 am

I reckon you are doing what you can,with what you have. and you are to be admired for that.. . keep at it .... what was it that fish said? just keep swimming....?? something like that.

hugz

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Wed Dec 15, 2010 6:58 am

Thanks for your kind words Wow

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Wed Dec 15, 2010 7:43 am

All the usual things such as exercise. I go to the pool two or three times a week for laps plus spa. I also often go for a walk one or twice a week.

Also maybe suggest music. If I in a foul mood I listen to music like Limp Bizket, Eminem etc. I also listen to pop rock to "bounce" my mood.

I use to use aromatherapy and going to try that again.

Try not to isolate, which is a tad hard as I dont know too many people in the Hutt and I am often home alone over the weekend. I make sure I go out Wed and often meet someone for coffee or lunch. On the weekend I sometimes catch up with someone or walk into Petone.

Have structure in your day. For me that is work. Am a bit lost outside work hours, thats where study comes in next year all going well.

Reach out for help. This is a hard one for me as I have got so use to doing it alone cos I have had to, also putting on a brave face and not showing weakness was drummed in me (military and catholic family). I am not comfitable useing helplines.

I tried in 2008 to get my meds reviewed reviewed as I was going through a depressive eposide. GP said it wasn't worth it cos every 2-3 years I have to change meds as they become less effective and the samething would happen.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Bluebird1 on Wed Dec 15, 2010 9:36 pm

Nobody can say you haven't done every single thing you possibly can to help yourself and to seek help when you have been in despair. What is wrong with this picture? Why is it nothing at all like John Kerwins oft seen TV commercial about asking for help? It seems to all stop at the asking. You have asked, and asked and asked and I wish I knew where you could go from here. I know around Auckland there are various community support groups, some structured like Framework and some more drop in type centres but I have no idea what is available in the Hutt. Do you have transport or can you manage without it with the decent train service down there?
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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 16, 2010 5:07 am

Hey bluebird,

I dont have my own transport as I cant get insurance due to personal reasons. We have a very good bus service that I rely on to get round for work. Now I am living in the Hutt things are a little more accessable, the pool is 10 min walk, same for work, 15 min for the mall, 20 min for Pak n Save and $10 for a taxi back.

A lot of the health services in the Hutt having a waiting list. I can't get a GP in the Hutt so go into Wellington for GP appointments.

Another thing I have to be aware of and it was brought to my attention by my manager is if I use services in the Hutt there is the real possiability of clients finding out stuff that should be private. An example we discussed is on the off chance I come so unwell and need crisis support, I would be better off going to Wellington instead of the local ward as I go there weekly for work.

One of my jobs over the weekend is to redo and update my advance directive.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 16, 2010 7:28 am

pardon my ignorance.. what is an advance directive?

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 16, 2010 7:41 am

No worries Wow.

An Advance Durective is a safety plan. It outlines what your warning signs are and activities you can do to help yourself.

It has a list of your emergency contacts to be contacted while you are unwell, it also list people you dont want to be contacted (maybe a certain family member etc).

It also outlines treatments that you approve of and refuse; this includes medication, therapy and alternative therapys.

The directive also includes a person who you authority to make decisions in relation to your treatment while you are unable to.

It is reccommeded that this directive be left with your GP and a friend. I am leaveing a copy with my GP, my manager at work and a friend in Lower Hutt.

Advance directive have no authority in law, but there have been cases in New Zealand and overseas where a persons advance directive has not been followed it a complaint has been upheld as a breech of an individuals rights.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:02 am

sort of like a living will....? and power of attorney for health and wellbeing rolled into one..!

does it help you to work through filling it in?

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 16, 2010 9:48 pm

Hi Wow,

It is pretty easy to fill out. Often if you are working with Community Mental Health they work with you on one before dischargeing you. I had one done a few years bago when I was seeing a Corrections Psychologist.

It is best if you fill one out while you are reasonably stable so you can get the best outcomes.

It does help some people filling it out, they become aware of their warning signs and triggers etc.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Fri Dec 17, 2010 12:58 am

thanks Ros. very interesting

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Mon Dec 20, 2010 6:34 am

Well I went to the Doctors and it was a wasted trip.

He said I was doing everything right in terms of self care. He adjusted my meds slightly. He asked if I knew the number of the CATT Team.

And that was all.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:49 am

Well, I can't believe what I have just done; I rang the CATT team. I was desprite.

They are sending a refferal to Community Mental Health tonight and I am to follow it up tomorrow.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 21, 2010 4:43 pm

Well it is almost 6am, the birds are singing and I am yet to have slept.

And I got a long day ahead of me.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Tue Dec 21, 2010 5:49 pm

hey Rossie our nice little alien

I hope your having abetter day Smile

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Wed Dec 22, 2010 2:46 am

Hey,

Well had a full on day. A friend of mine has suggested a couple of alternative therapies for depression. I rang Healthline this morning to check with them if it was worth following up later in the day and they could not be sure cos of the heavy meds I am on.

First call was to community ment health. They have my referral but it will take them atleast a week to process; this is despite the big warning on my file from when I relapse a few years ago and ended in legal strife. Advised to make an appointment today with a GP.

My GP in Brooklyn was full all week, and that was on Monday.

So I tried to get an emergency appointment in the Hutt. Nothing avaliable as I am not signed up with them.

Have been advised if I need help tuen up in ED>

Bright notes for the day:

Lunch with Wow. Thanks!

Managed to get some of my xmas shopping done.

And this xmas grinch even brought an xmas CD

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 30, 2010 5:23 am

OK, an update.

I have talked to CMT. It is going to be atleast three weeks before my refferal will be processed. I explained what I was going through and what happened last time I became unwell, all she said was, "what was I going to do to make sure it doesn't happen again.

Didn't sleep last night again. Bearly functioned today so rang the nurse at my GPs. She said I need to get in to see my GP, I explained I didn't have the money for a bus fare ($24) and couldnt get off work. In the end I have managed to get a sick day and will use food money for GP visit.

I have a friend going to the GPs with me.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Bluebird1 on Thu Dec 30, 2010 5:33 am

That is so unfair Rossie, how on earth can you make sure it doesn' happen again. Surely they must understand that you are asking for help now before it does happen again. If you knew how to stop it then it wouldn't be such a problem. Where do they get these people from? You need to eat as how can you have a healthy mind if your body is not nourished. Can you get some kind of assistance from WINZ for either transport or food? Your situation is such a case of you doing all the right things and getting no support whatsoever.
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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Guest on Fri Dec 31, 2010 8:04 am

Well an up and down day. Went to my GP with my friend, he has said give the increase in meds some time to take effect. He has also put me on a multi-vit to take each day.

Then my cell died. I use it for work, to help support my friends when they in crisis and to get help and keep in touch with my support nextwork. So have a new cellphone, $200 later on my credit card. Not something I cant really afford but cant really be without it. I will have a look at my budget in the new year.

Then a friend who was supose to come for tea and go out to a pub has piked. So that was a good excuse not to go out as I would be going out by myself, but I have instructions from someone that I have to go out. So I will head out round 930 or 10.

On the plus side, I went out and had tea on the riverbank and listened to my mp3. It lifted my mood a bit.

Also I put myself first. Friends are going away for four days starting tomorrow, I got told of this yesterday and they expected me to come. I said no, I like my friends dearly but I would just end up looking after the kids and the way I am atm on is getting on my nerves a lot.

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Re: Doing it alone yet again

Post by Bluebird1 on Fri Dec 31, 2010 10:17 pm

Sounds as if you have some good people around you Ros who really care for you and a wide network of support. All you can really do is rely on them till you get the attention from the 'experts' that you need and deserve. Take care and hope the new year brings you peace.
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