On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

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On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Sat Jul 31, 2010 12:59 pm

My darling girl, Gracie passed away on 30 July 2010.

Eternal rest give unto Grace O Lord.

I am so sorry for what I have done,
Your beautiful eyes still open in disbelief, tore at my
very heart, and always will.

My baby girl the cancer was growing swiftly, taking your little person and bending it and twisting
its way until you became mishapen and crippled by it, until you could not walk for long.

Your clever, sharp brain and bold wit never left you, right up to the outrage youlet rip at the vet who
was delivering the coup de Grace. We did not want, no we feared that this thing was causing you pain
and bewilderment and I hope you believe that your Da and I love more than even we ever knew.

The loss of you echoes roung the house. The sorrow at not feeling you at my feet is almost more than
I can bear, but you will help me bear it, from Heaven.

Just as you stood with me through my madness and depression, you never judged even when I couldn't
or wouldn't get out of bed. You didn't care that I was unwashed, it was enough that we two were
together and I felt your kindness and empathy wash over me. Your deep chocolate brown eyes told me that you
loved me anyway, dirty or not, in tears or cried out, snots all over your beautiful golden hair.

Thank you Gracie for the love you gave me, thank you for the Gracie comforts and nudges whenever the telephone rang or there was someone at the door, the kisses and martine and Gracie games that only we knew the rules to.

Just your presence and holding you could make the panic subside, breathing into your neck inhaling your bold strength, you were so solid and self assured my darling little dog, Gracie what will I do without you now?

All my love M

Martine

Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
Registration date : 2009-12-24

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by becks on Sun Aug 01, 2010 4:34 am

Oh Martine hugs to you through this difficult time. It sounds like Gracie had a full and happy life with you and I hope that her passing becomes less hurtful over time. Take care, Becks. xx
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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Sun Aug 01, 2010 7:11 am

Thanks becks while I miss her wee face and bullying to get her own way, I couldn't bear watching this thing grow on her shoulder making her limp.

Please God she forgives me I prayed so hard that she would be healed and gave money to vets hand over fist to heal her and do surgeries and chemo that made her worse really 6000 dollars at a time that there was nothing left, but if it had worked it would have been worth it.

I miss her so.

She was cremated and all I have is her remains and a lock of her hair.

Martine

Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Guest on Sun Aug 01, 2010 9:29 am

so sorry to hear of your loss Martine. Do you have a photo you would like to share?

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Mon Aug 02, 2010 12:54 pm

No photos Donna they just never came out right probably me and cameras.

I just hope she is happy somewhere but not too far away from me she was a wonderful "support person" especially when you don't know anyone she was always up for a chat and a cuppa tea, but she'd go mad for a coffee and had her own mug. I think that was me prolly.

Martine

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Guest on Tue Aug 03, 2010 1:35 am

she sounds lovely...

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Wed Aug 04, 2010 4:39 am

Darling Grace

Its 3 days so you should have made it to Heaven by now.
All your life I loved you dearly
In death I love you still
My heart is a big empty space
No one will ever fill
It broke my heart to lose you
But you didn't go alone
Part of me went with you
When God took you home
You stayed till I was strong enough
To stand it on my own.

My beautiful
dog Grace I miss you so.

Martine

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Location : Christchurch
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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by britelite on Wed Aug 04, 2010 9:37 am



your last post brought tears to my eyes

special pets can and do bring so much to our lives in so many ways

sadly we have to be strong enough to grant them that one last careing act

be extra kind to yourself hun,
britey
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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Thu Aug 19, 2010 5:41 am

Oh Gracie

Today yer da and me had to go to the council to register yer brothers and get their tags.

It was very upsetting when the woman said "There's three dogs on that property, not two".

Bite her on the leg, go on, we miss you so much my darling girl.

Martine

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Location : Christchurch
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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Guest on Thu Aug 19, 2010 8:30 pm



big hugs Martine...
(Found this pic on the net.)

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Thu Aug 26, 2010 7:49 am

Oh Wow thanks she looked just like that when she was wee.

I miss her so much.

Martine

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Location : Christchurch
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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Thu Oct 14, 2010 10:37 am

Dear Gracie

Sweetie we miss you so, my arms are so empty without you. Your mate Oliver has been no so well while you've been away lass, we took him to the nice vet and he has a chronic condition called Crohn's disease or Ulcerative Colitis for its clinical name.

Gracie losing you was almost too much to bear because you understood when no other fucker did, this diagnosis has just gobsmacked yer da and me. you know how you hated being kept in the vets for all the scans and blood tests and scopes and it wasn't worth it you might as well have been on the sofa for all the fucking good they did.

Now Ollie is anaemic and he's only two and its another 2 grand down the lavvy pan. Sweetie say to the sweet Mother of Christ who I know you must be near that she must pray for us that he's ok and that yer da and I will get through this.

We miss you so baby girl I go to the wards in these awful places and spend my time looking after drug induced psychotic people who just take up beds when the really mentally ill don't get a look-in because they are not as "extreme" as the twats on P and crack.

Maybe pet its better you're in heaven I wish I were there with you and out of this I feel like the man on the unicycle in the circus too scared to look down, but you can my sweet wee girl look down and know yer da and me are looking up at you.

Love to you my darling girl Marian

Martine

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Location : Christchurch
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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Fri Oct 15, 2010 3:19 pm

Dear Gracie

Its yer mam here, can I just say what a shocker of a shift it was. An hour into the shift, the boss phoned over from HM and said "whatever you believe in, religion or God wise don't FFS talk about it at work", I racked my brains and said "why what have I said" thinking thinking racing through my brain about a woman I saw this morning praying with Rosary beads. I said to her "Oh your catholic, so am I" and that was all I said Grace you know me not too religious,but the fear was massive that someone had complained, which they had. But it wasn't me the patient had complained about (in writing to the Duty Manager), it was a colleague who is a born again Christian and started praying for the clients.
But automatically guilt and paranoia my two best mates made me think it was me and the Catholic Comment. My heart was racing all shift because you know I need the job, still paying of your vets bills to these ghouls who see parents like me and yer da coming and think YES! rubbing their hands together, they are doing it over Ollie right now I fear.

Your da is still wonderful out walking the other two at the dead of night after a shift, we barely get a cup of tea and they are performing and they have us so well trained nearly as well as you did my darling girl, and yer da is able to talk me through the panics but you were great at that and I so miss you. I am a bloody idiot for taking on the guilt aren't I? Someone does something wrong and of course it must be me, when it isn't.

Grace we are working hard to pay the bills and I think we'll be working for the vet for the next 10 years my pet girly.

Da's OK he's working a lot of shifts and the two dogs are still knocking the stuffing out of each other but they think its fun. Love Ma

Martine

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Mon Oct 18, 2010 10:18 am

My darling Gracie we miss you so much truly especially today we had to trudge back to the vets. More bad news I am afraid so tug on our Holy Mother's dress and tell her we need her prayers for Oliver.

He has a nasty looking growth that has to come out he is being operated on tomorrow morning, Gracie you loved Ollie so and he you, please take care of him baby girl my heart is breaking facing this again but maybe its benign and he will be great but he is losing blood and he's only two.

My ring is back in the pawn shop the man thinks its got a piece of elastic attached to it, its so hard.

Love Mam

Martine

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Thu Oct 28, 2010 1:43 pm

Graciepet

The news is good Oliver has polyps all of which were tested and found benign, so we have much to be grateful for.

Darling girl thanks for your sweet interventions on his behalf and Our Holy Mother for her prayers. Ollie is big and back to himself once again.

Your Da and me are working a lot of shifts to try to pay the bills and shit the car is in bits after the earthquakes. It is strange working on mental health units with suicidal people and supporting them and their strengths to hold on when your ma feels much the same and wildly trying to think of ideas and ways of holding on to how good life is and looking at the beauty of the spring and the river and baby ducklings but still feeling numb.

I miss you lass and I wish to God I could drag myself out of this pity party there is only me in it I think and its no fun at all.

Love to you
Mam

Martine

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Fri Nov 05, 2010 8:07 am

Dear Grace

Yer mam is a bit stunned at present. My sister Kathleen died and was buried today in Plettenberg Bay where she lived in South Africa,

She took pneumonia and died and I can barely get a civil word out of the nurses at the hospital. Only that "the white lady died on Wednesday".

Grace the loss is huge she was so alive and vibrant and cheeky always and was a real terror with a vile temper and so didn't have any friends.
Please may she finally be at peace and on her way to heaven where there will be no more troubles for her. She was only 56. My poor sister our lives weren't easy but she took the brunt of the beatings and the abuse because she always fought back. The rest of us were cowering while Kathleen stood up to them every time even though she was only tiny.

God rest you Kathleen and may your life now be sweet.

xxxM

Martine

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Mon Nov 08, 2010 1:16 pm

I am praying for you Kathleen, may yu be in Heaven half an our before himself finds out your dead.

I am so sorry you have gone so quickly I know we did see each other last year but there is never enough time to say the things we needed to say to each other.

Please be at peace or if not having a real good time.

MXX

Martine

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Thu Jan 13, 2011 2:13 pm

Dear Gracie

How you are missed, we don't go to the big park anymore, tried it and you were everywhere it seemed.

Guess what I feel like a bit of a fraud here but I am at work!!!!!!
I am always certain that one of the staff is going to go "she thinks she works here" but they haven't yet. I find I am doing it more and more confidently but my heart is still full of doubt as to my own ability.
its nice when someone says well done you and hope to see you again.

I wish you were here because you always took great care of me when I was bad and here some of the staff bring their dogs in for "pet therapy" I just know you would have melted many hearts with your beautiful eyes. And your very fun fun fun sense of humour and how you would cuddle so nice. I am getting better, Gracie slowly every day shows me something new again, I can go for little walks with the two boys and make it home again but I do miss you so because you kept us all in check. Please look down on us from heaven this next week or so its really important Grace this week will mean a lot for us jobwise and all. Love Mam

Martine

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Re: On the death of Grace my Australian Silky Terrier 1999-2010

Post by Martine on Thu Feb 24, 2011 10:21 am

Dearest Girl Gracie

My wee lassie in so many ways I wish you were here, the house shakes with each aftershock that comes and I know you wouldn't be scared but I am pet.

Oliver and Monty don't like the big guns either and its so sad the street is lumpy and its like big misshapen speed bumps and your wee park over the road is under water and mud. Gracie my heart says to be happy you are in heaven and I wish I were with you but I can't be my old Catholic heart says I am not good enough to be there but truly my wee girl its terrible to see the number of people, good people who have lost their lives, even wee schoolkids from Japan, and asia who were here to learn English are missing a whole classroom of them and their teacher, its so very sad Gracie I wish I could just hold you for a few minutes and smell your rough coat. You always made it OK didn't my wee lass.

On the positive front though the shifts at the hospital are picking up. I miss you and love you and always will, Gracie my wee girl.

Martine

Number of posts : 367
Location : Christchurch
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