what am i sposed to do????

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what am i sposed to do????

Post by mistameenah on Sat Jun 05, 2010 5:15 am

i have spoken to my shrink
we talked about my ex and how suspect he is using p, and possibly helping someone make it
i wanted to know if i should stop my son from visiting him
i know he isnt doing and thing at his house
but
he does have fairly dodgey ppl living there
my son has already decided that he dosnt want to stay the night at dads any more
my dilema is do i stop contact completely, until my ex has gotten himself clean?


my ex has been an addict of some sort or other ever since i met him
when he is on pot he is silly and dum
when he is on the booze he is silly and shitty
when he is on p
he stops being a person

i know he would do his best not to let harm come to our son
but its not just about that
its do i want my child around a p addict

please you all let me know what you thing

i know it would break my sons heart not have his dad in his life
but as things are going
should he be???
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mistameenah

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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by jaffakiwi on Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:30 am

hey mista (lol),
I can only go off your message, so you should take my opinion with a grain of salt. Personally I feel that you should talk openly with your son about your concerns, and also with your ex. I would let your son make up his own mind about how much contact he wants with his father. I would educate your son on the dangers of P, and why you are concerned. I think if you try and keep him away from his father, it might strain the relationship between the two of you.

I hope this helps =]

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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by peterpam on Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:39 am

Hey Mista,
How old is your son??
Hugs to you

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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by daze7 on Sat Jun 05, 2010 10:53 am

Hello Mistameenah, I wonder if your son could see his dad on neutral ground - not in his dad's home. It's interesting that your son doesn't want to sleep-over there any more.

It's really hard to separate out the person from the addiction(s) - but it's an unhealthy environment. Too much 'learned behaviour' of a bad kind.

Have you heard of Alanon or Alateen? I'm not sure what is in your area. Did your psych suggest anything to you?

It's a real dilemma for you .............. Hugs for both of you ... Daze
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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by mistameenah on Sun Jun 06, 2010 12:40 am

hey guys thanks for your advice

my son is 8 tomorrow

i think i will talk to my son
and i will talk to the ex
i will also look into the alanon group

i don't want to take my sons father away from him
but
i dont want my son to learn how to become an addict, or be in a volatile enviroment
i am going to talk to my ex. altho i do know that he will not understand
but
you never know

P stops ppl from being real
i have had that addiction myself, and i KNOW how evil the drug is

i just have to do some more thinking and getting more advice.

thankyou all for your wise words
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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by Martine on Sun Jun 06, 2010 10:50 am

Hi Mis

Kid's are uncannily sensible at times.

You describe what could be a potentially dangerous evironment, and if there was a bust, your son could be at risk on many levels, the least which would be the hairy lentil munching social worker types.

Talk to the ex and as you point out he loves his boy, so would maybe agree to spend the day at a friends, relatives or visits to Macdonalds, museum, whatever is safest for everybody, your peace of mind included.

Love to you

Martine

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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by mistameenah on Sun Jun 06, 2010 11:36 am

wow yea i hadnt even thought about what would happen if the hairy lentil munching social workers got involved

that is terrifying

i am seeing the ex tomorrow

will talk to him then

thankyou for your advice
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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by becks on Mon Jun 07, 2010 5:15 am

Hey Martine I had to laugh "the hairy lentil munching social worker types"!! lol!


Last edited by becks on Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:54 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by daze7 on Mon Jun 07, 2010 5:55 am

Happy Birthday to your little guy Mista ..... hope he's had a great day!

Daze
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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by Martine on Mon Jun 07, 2010 9:14 am

Mis

I hope your day went well (inspite of the horrible weather) and you were able to reach common ground with your ex.

And the wee boy's birthday was a magic one.

Love Martine

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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by mistameenah on Mon Jun 07, 2010 10:05 am

hi all
my boy had such a great day
his dad didnt show up, as i expected

i knew he wouldnt
said he was sick
hmmmm i dont think so

anyway
i will talk to him tomorrow
or maybe i won't
seems that it would simply be a waste of my energy

but my darling sons and i had a great day with the birthday boy
and that is all that really matters
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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by Martine on Tue Jun 08, 2010 9:11 am

Shame about Dad not showing up Mis, but I am glad you and the wee one had a special day anyway.

Good on you.

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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by mistameenah on Fri Jun 11, 2010 11:34 am

the ex has made no effort to see his boy all week, or even ring to happy birthday for monday
so it seems the decision to stop contact
has been taken out of my hands

so
aint that just grand

what a bastard
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Re: what am i sposed to do????

Post by jaffakiwi on Fri Jun 11, 2010 7:57 pm

Mista,
Please ensure your son knows not to take it personally. It can be so hard for a child to understand why a parent is not around. They internalise it, thinking that there is something wrong with him. Please don't let your son do that.

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