Smileys

So here we go again..back on the pills.probably for ever I think..They seem to just balance me out and I am not so tired on these thank goodness..

I dont like the person I become when I am not on these

Paranoid freak

snappy mum

boring sexless wife

sometimes I think...just go and live in another country where there is war and third world conditions ..so pathetic

I feel like the world is too mean all the time

it hurts me so much, all the children and the old people and the animals...what about the rain forests...I worry about everyone and everything and it hurts too much and I cant save everything so I just Hide cause it is too scary out there

Just had I phone call...the end of an era..Rest in piece Mrs I...No more waves to you over the fence..no more really bad baking..no more hugs for my kids from a little lady smaller that them..no more sharing a roast and checking that the curtains have been opened in the mornings...Just two empty houses now and people at a loss...we will miss you xxxxxxx

aawww

Hello smiley ..... Sorry you've lost someone who was close to you and your family. Very sad.

Daze

thanks guys ..She was my Dads Neighbor(he died in January) and I have known her since I was a kid.. It really is the End of that time now

Nothing to say except I love this wee guy he reminds me of Moi

not too good today and covering it up as usual. had some people round and then went to bed..thats my secret the bed thing. I lock the door and pretend I am not home and go to bed..Then tell people oh sorry I was out and been soooooo busy...I just lie all the time and also to my husband when he says what did you get up to today...I just couldnt tell him I just lay in bed to scared to go out today...for fuck sake what the hell is so scary!

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia

??

wowinnz wrote:http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Agoraphobia

??

wow could be? but man I am a weirdo ha ha!

Smiley,
As recently as well, not very long ago, shall we say, I too was hiding from knocks on the door etc. Sometimes, during the day ‘cos my old bed is quite rickety, I’d take a chance on not being heard and slither down onto the floor so that should a drape be pulled open via the security window, then I could remain unseen on the floor.

I got it to such a fine art that down I could slither, and even when busting to pee (about every 25 minutes for the last several months) I didn’t give meself away. I are expert at peeing in a suitably sized jar, sticking the lid back on, not making a mess all in silence. Course, anatomy helps a lot. And the knocker knocking off knocking before 40 minutes are up, cos the jar, well, tis only a jar, sigh.

Smiley hon, tis only a temporary time, this slither-time, I promise you.

At the moment it feels necessary, so don’t feel bad about trying to do what your brain stem is screaming at you to do – retreat, be silent and hope the enemy doesn’t hear the pounding of your blood cos it sounds real loud, don’t it, eh?

PaddyPromise, it shall pass, Smiley. You will regain more immediate control of your reactions within your environment. Promise Ya.

In the meantime, do ya really need to be so harsh on you for listening to a primordial hardwired survival message from your brain stem? Nah, I didn’t think so. Choice.

Paddy.

dear Patty,

your post means so much to me ...it is so good for me to see I am not alone in this

I dont seem to be able to stop crying today...just have to breathe

went to the dawn parade this morning...makes me feel like shit..just weak and pathetic.. just got to get out of this town I need to be invisible..My poor husband is so wonderful and I am so boring at the moment.."he asks me come on come out or do you want to go out on your own some where? but where can I go where I wont be around these people that know me..I just want to blend..my heart is banging and I just want to be ..I feel like I am in a bubble and I dont connect and everything around me isnt real

smiley wrote:I feel like I am in a bubble and I dont connect and everything around me isnt real

Are you reading my mind? I feel like that too. I hope you can find your way through

pink wrote:

smiley wrote:I feel like I am in a bubble and I dont connect and everything around me isnt real

Are you reading my mind? I feel like that too. I hope you can find your way through

yes we can be werdos together ha ha

Had shit week hurt my back on monday morning doing nothing but taking off myPJs for a shower....sprained vertebra..bugger! feelfortyand fucked (ooh squuuuuzy bad manners) had to go see my doc and he cornered me with his lovely face saying "how are you doing" well of course off I went...fuck it I hate when that happens..He sees me every day at school when I pick up the kids and he said he knows when I am feeling crap...grrrr and I thought I hid it so well...now I feel paranoid that everyone will see me as the weirdo that I know I am ...and the house is a mess and my friend wants to come and help me...I hate having to be helped