Do I, Don't I, Do I, Don't I

Tossing up here. Found an address and contact number for what is very possibly my birth father. I've been thinking about trying to get in contact with him for the last few weeks to see if his side of the family has any history with mental illness. Now I don't know whether to write to him or ring him or what.

Now that is no small thing to contemplate.

I think only you can say which would be the right way for you to attempt contact with this chap.

If you write to him it will be slower and you will have to settle in your own mind a bit on a time line...ie; mailed Monday, delivered Wednesday, and then another so many days for him to get over the shock and decide if he wishes contact with you. Then you will have given him either a phone number or address so he can get in touch with you.

If you were to ring him it would cancel out all the wait time...but...it would be a masssive shock to him. I think that is why the missing peices show does so well. Because it is a third party getting hold of people so the shock isn't quite so great. Could you get someone else to ring him first and say that you would like contact etc?

I don't really know what to advise you on this one hun, it really is up to you.

be kind to yourself, britey

Yea, that's the thing, I'm not 100% sure that this is the correct guy, but when looking on white pages online it is the only one that comes up and is in Auckland which is where my birth-mother last knew him to be (though that's going back quite a few years now).

Also this guy denied that I was his right from the start, the minute Lauren told him she was pregnant he declared I wasn't his. So there is an extremely high chance that he wouldn't reply to a letter and would hang up on a phone call and deny anything.

Thinking about it just now and am wondering if perhaps the best idea is to apply for my original birth certificate, which to get that you then need to go see a CYFS counsellor and they talk through options and can contact your birth parents that are listed on the cert on your behalf first.