need to do something

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need to do something

Post by nellya on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:18 am

i can't stop wanting to go and hurt myself somehow, go and cut myself. i am trying to stop cutting, and i just need to do something until the urge goes away i think. just to keep myself busy. typing this seems to be working a bit.

its getting more and more difficult to resist though. i have been doing it for more than a year several times a week, and now its been about 10 days that i haven't done this.
i just really hate myself so much right now. feel like clawing at my skin. i threw away the razors, just to make it a bit more difficult to relapse.

has anyone been through something like this? what do you do, when you just want to see some blood and feel the pain that you deserve. the feeling doesn't go away. and i can't tell my counselor, she is too nice.

i can't sleep, i can't watch tv, keep thinking about the knives in the kitchen. this is not normal. what can you do?

nellya

Number of posts : 26
Age : 30
Location : north shore
Registration date : 2010-03-13

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Re: need to do something

Post by Marcellina on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:21 am

You've made the right choice by coming on here and talking about how you feel, rather than hurting yourself. Are you home alone? Do you have a friend or family member who can be with you while you're feeling this way?
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Marcellina

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Re: need to do something

Post by nellya on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:25 am

i can't tell anyone. will just have to do this alone. just need to keep myself busy. will keep reading the board. hopefully will feel less intense soon.

nellya

Number of posts : 26
Age : 30
Location : north shore
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Re: need to do something

Post by Marcellina on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:29 am

I know I'm only new here but I will stay here for as long as I can alien
I get anxiety and for some reason the thing that works best for me is reading Harry Potter (thank you JK Rowling for writing books I can completely lose myself in). I tend to avoid reading or watching things too realistic! Was there anything in particular that led you to feeling down tonight?
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Marcellina

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Re: need to do something

Post by nellya on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:38 am

yes and no.
its all in my head mostly. i was sad most of the day, but now its late, and quiet, and i can hear myself better. plus i ate, and i have a difficult relationship with food, i starve myself, then binge, and it just makes me loathe myself. and other things, it just feels like all my personal issues and fears, they decided to confront me this evening. i think that its probably because i haven't been cutting myself for a while, and cutting is the way i cope.

nellya

Number of posts : 26
Age : 30
Location : north shore
Registration date : 2010-03-13

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Re: need to do something

Post by Marcellina on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:54 am

You've managed to stop for a while and that's awesome, I hope you're proud of yourself for the achievements you have made! You mentioned in your first post that you've been seeing a counselor and she's too nice...if you can't speak to her about this, maybe you need to see someone else? I know it took me a couple of tries to find the right person for me.
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Re: need to do something

Post by nellya on Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:13 am

thank you for your support.
i am actually waiting to hear from a mental health nurse when she arranges an appointment with a psychiatrist for me. i am hoping he will know what to do.
for now, i will go and try to read a book maybe. i usually cannot concentrate well on what i am reading, but at least it keeps me busy.
thanks for staying up with me and for replying.

nellya

Number of posts : 26
Age : 30
Location : north shore
Registration date : 2010-03-13

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Re: need to do something

Post by Marcellina on Sat Mar 13, 2010 10:22 am

No worries Smile.
Hope you enjoy your book! Take care of yourself Smile
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