ALL NEGATIVE FROM HERE ON DOWN!!

2010. New year. New beginning. So far Ive been doing ok. Good actually. Too good really. Should have seen it coming but nope that would be thinking too negative. I had this novel idea at new years that I should start thinking positive. Funny aye? Been attending all sorts of counselling over the years, taken all kinds of meds and ignored all the advice given then one day out of the blue I wake up and hey presto life isnt so bad afterall because its a new year!

I started being positive. Being nice. Being happy. Too positive, too nice and too happy. Ive been going about life thinking every thing is just great! No dark clouds in my life! Without even really knowing it I actually have found myself doing things I normally I could not and would not do! I started doing nice things for total strangers even! Ha! I could barely talk to people I do know let alone talk to total strangers in supermarkets!!! Oh yes - that too! I went to the supermarket by myself!! I even offered to take the trolley back for an old lady who just finished loading her car! I talked to a man at the battery centre about what batteries he should get!! Wow! Me, give someone advice? hahahaha! New me - thats for sure! I even rung my mother and told her how happy I am and how well Im doing! I even booked a holiday for this year because I used to love travelling when I was younger and thought it might be nice to revisit! I framed and hung some old favourite photos on a wall at home so I can smile every day when I see them! Awwwww lovely. Just lovely.

Bull friggin shit.

Woke up yesterday in a foul mood like the mother of all hangovers. Bitched and moaned about everything. Started a fight with my partner when there was nothing wrong. Yelled at my son for being a 3 year old and doing what 3 year olds do. Looked at the photos on the wall and took them down and ripped up a couple. Walked past a mirror and wanted to smash the glass. The monster had returned. Welcome home to Failure. Misery and Destruction have missed you. Hello Deaths door. I knock but no one answers. My thoughts always end up in the black pitt at deaths door. Stubbed a cigarette out in my arm to mark the occasion. Awww Lovely. Just lovely.

More bull friggin shit.

Awww (((hugs))) Claire. Sounds like at least the start of your year was going really good! I'm happy for you.

Yesterday was just another day and its gone now. Today is another one. And I hope today goes better. I know its not much help but I'm thinking of ya xXx

Hey Clare

No it isn't. There's you and there's Haiti.

Get your bad moods into proportion. I wake up a complete Bitch as well but I improve as the day progresses.

Forgive yourself these slips, you're only human with faults like the rest of us.

The year is young yet its only January.