this ones for meeee

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Sat Mar 13, 2010 9:34 pm

gotta go to the dr tomorrow and get some antibiotics for my sinus's
they is hurting and i feel really crook

hate antibiotics
make my tummy upset
but it be better than feeling like this

hate it hate it hate it
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Tue Mar 23, 2010 10:24 am

have been doing alot better lately
was having a real bad week last week
but its better this week
my car is broke again tho
its got a bung ignition barrel
wont let me turn the key
wont even release the stearing lock
couldnt have come at a worse time really
coz i have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow
i have tried to be nice to that car, given it lots of love, i even bawt it some oil!!!
and then it does this to me
i only just got it fixed too
its gunna be a mish to get it home
it needs to towed by a tow truck
and that wont be cheap
then i will have to get the part for it
man
i want a new car!!!!!
this one is hurting my brain
not to matter
i get it sorted
i spose
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Wed Mar 24, 2010 12:32 am

well my car is still sitting outside a shop down the road
coz the bastard thing still wont start
tried both the keys again today

borrowed my sisters car to go to hospital
they want to chop stuff off my boob
but i wasnt very keen so
they said come back in six weeks
and if the lump still there and there still dsicharge we will then decide waht to do

well
im rather pissed off
like very
totally
if the take out the ducts then i wont be able to breast feed again from that breast, and i may not have any more kids
but i might

then they will send what they have taken out away for testing
and by the sounds of it there prolly nothing wrong
but then again
there might be
so they wanna take bits out, test it and prolly find there nothing wrong

is there seriously no other way of testing it???? with out cutting bits out???
i mean c'mon
surely
there has to be soemthing else that can be done

anyway im in a hell shitty mood now
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by Guest on Wed Mar 24, 2010 1:16 am

big hugs

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Fri Apr 09, 2010 9:05 am

i got my car home, and got it a new key, which i am not taking out of the ignition incase it wont start again, so i look the car with another key and unhook the battery at night. its a lil anoying but tis better than having no car at all

a very kind person is lending me some money so i can get a new car
i am looking and lookin
but they all so blimmen expensive
so i shall just keep on looking

i went back to my dr the other day because the lump thing in my breast seems to be getting bigger
i have an appointment at the hospital in early may, and she seems to think i wont get in to see them b4 that anyway, so i wait.
i have been freaking out a lil bit about that
it has done my head in some
but today i decided that i wasnt going to worry any more
there is nothing i can do or know b4 may
so i should just put in the cupboard and leave it be

and so i have

i am back seeing my therapist, i love seeing him, he is great, i always feel sooooo much better after talking about shit with him.

but he gave me home work, which i have not done
so i should get onto that really lol

i have been offered a cleaning job too, its casual to start with, until work picks up, so thats kewl az.
all in all
things are pretty damn fine
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Wed Apr 21, 2010 8:19 am

i have a screaming headache coz my neck is out, and i am soooo pissed off with my ex again, but my head is too sore to be worried.

he is just too hopelss for words, infact i dont think he deserves to have words spent on him, thats how hopeless he is.

one day
he will see, and then he will know, just how fucked up he is. but, then he'll just have another joint or a pipe or maybe a beer, and it wont matter to him anymore.

oh how nice it is for some to not have to give a shit.

i hate him
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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Wed Apr 28, 2010 11:08 am

gosh that last post was a bit agro i must say
i sure am glad those feeling didnt hang around for too long

me and the kids arent very well
the big one had chest infection all last week, he is much better now
but the lil one is pretty crook with flu

bit of a worry

im not too bad, just feel dodgey

the ex, has let go of his son
so thats that

my car still goes

i got a hair cut
not too sure about it yet
ive got a fringe and i reken i look like a boy
but my lil son says i dont
so ill take his word for it

apart from that
nothing really has been going on
oh
i am back on my meds
full time
no mucking around
and i think they have helped
alot
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by Guest on Thu Apr 29, 2010 12:10 am

Hi Mis

I'm popping in to say WOW and well done. You are managing a lot of stress, and coping, huge accolades Mis. It's good to hear that your back on meds and they are helping. We all need a helping hand sometimes or for long - times.

I'm not sure if you know about the 'buddy' programme, but I was a Buddy to a wee girl, way back. My son went through his young life seeking his Dad's love and only to be disappointed. He is 23yrs now, and when I last spoke to him, he told his Dad, don't bother.... taken a long time for him to be able to say 'I have been the one putting in the hard yards to have a relationship with him"

Looking back, if the Buddy programme had been available (or maybe it was ?) This could have been what my son would have benefited from, having a male role model and one that 'didn't let him down' Maybe something to think about (please don't be offended) just thought I'd share.

I do hope that your tests go well - Aroha hugs Mis. Lol re; fringes - the scary side is when yah cut them yourself - had lots of experience with this - some unusual stares too. Oh and just to share a wee giggle - plucking eyebrows yah self - not a good look sometimes - yep funny stares. comments are the worst - oh well budgets to keep Smile

take care Mis flower

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Thu Apr 29, 2010 8:14 am

hey poetry, thankyou so much for your advice, and the giggle

i am going to look into the buddy system, and see what i can see

thankyou
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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Mon May 10, 2010 10:34 am

I have started reading a book that should help me
i am thinking it will
i am seeing the dr at the hospital on wednesday to find out what they wanna do to my boob.
i hope they have some other way of testing it apart from hacking it up
im not keen on that at all
i feel abit queezy tonight
not sure why
it will be anxiety
but im not too sure what its about
i shall go to bed soon
i stayed with my son on thursday night with his class at a marae
it was so awesome
his dad came too
he wasnt gunna but i guilted him into it
he hadnt seen his boy for two weeks and wasnt doing anything
so he had to come
well i am gunna go read me some book
and try and go to sleep.
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Thu May 13, 2010 9:57 am

i went to the hospital on wednesday, the surgeon still wants to cut things out. i asked if i could have more time to get some other tests done
so i am going back in 6 weeks
i am now thinking that maybe i am playing with fire
and just let them do what they want to do
i mean i am not a dr
but then again
i dont want my breast mutilated if it dosnt have to be
my head i fucked today
i am feeling most bothered
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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by Guest on Thu May 13, 2010 7:24 pm

Hi MIS cyber-space hugs I love you I had a test done many years ago, for a small growth (breast). They took a biopsy using a syringe. It came back benign. Just wondering if they have tried this test?

I agree that you have to be comfortable with any decisions about health issues. It's a shame that you have to wait another 6 weeks - the worry of the unknown is hard work. I hope all goes well MIS I love you

take care
Poetry

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Fri May 14, 2010 3:18 am

thankyou poetry

they want a sample of the discharge that is coming fromt he nipple, the lump has since come up, and i think because of where the lump is, they are not really concerned about it, its the abnormal discharge they are worried about

its all rather confusing really
my head is bung about it

but i saw my shrink today
and i feel much better than i did
i am seeing him again in two weeks
so thats good

i just have to get the sample the hospital wants
and then i will have awnsers
and then
all will be good in the world
again.
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Tue May 18, 2010 11:36 am

now im crook
some random fluey thing that making me feel nasty
it sux!!!!!!
anyway
bed time
tomorrow will have to be better.
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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by daze7 on Tue May 18, 2010 10:01 pm

Hope you're soon feeling much better mistameenah .... those flu type things are awful .... just rest is good - I do realise you have people to look after but whlie they're at school can you snuggle up, take something for the symptoms, and relax and sleep? You don't need to be 'superwoman' just now - leave that for next week!

Daze
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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Wed May 19, 2010 4:18 am

thanku daze

you are right
ill be super duper woman next week

Very Happy
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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Fri May 21, 2010 3:47 am

i sent off the samples yesturday
i hope they come back all clear

my problem today is that i am so sad!!
feeling sorry for myself
and im hurting
coz my ex dosnt love me anymore
why is that?
how come its so easy for him to move on
why isnt me and the kids enuff for him?
i know he is a big shit
he has behaved really badly in the last year since we split
and i know we dont work
but i miss him
i miss his big hugs
and i miss the way he used to look at me
it hurts
so much
i feel so much self loathing at the moment
im too fat and old and ugly
and he has moved on
and its hurts
it really really huts
its not fucking fair!!!
i am trying to be a good mum, i don't get a chance to move on
im too farking busy looking after my kids
to go skanking around looking for a replacement
i just want to not want him anymore
and i just want to not hurt
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Mon May 24, 2010 7:32 am

i got the bestest news!!!!!!
there were no malignant cells in the breast discharge!!!!!
i went to my dr tonight and just got the results
i am sooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
pleased!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by Guest on Mon May 24, 2010 8:43 pm

that is such wonderful news... congratulations

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by daze7 on Mon May 24, 2010 9:19 pm

That's so great - what a relief .............. Daze
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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by Guest on Mon May 24, 2010 11:32 pm

Thank the heavens Mis, I'm so relieved for you. sunny


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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by Guest on Tue May 25, 2010 8:21 am

congrats misty Very Happy

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Tue May 25, 2010 8:23 pm

thankyou guys!!!!!!!

now i just have to get the gremlins outs of my brain and all will be good with the world!!!!

but at least now i know i not got bung boob. Very Happy
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Fri Jun 11, 2010 11:40 am

ii have got the flu, its not really really bad but its pretty awful
so i have not been able to work all week
my boss is in a bit of a flap coz its just me and him
and the new girl got sick after one day
so yea
he is a bit bothered

and i feel responsible
yes i know i shouldnt
but i do

my lil son had a great birthday
he kept telling me it was his best birthday ever
and considering his father didnt turn up coz he was "sick" seemed not to bother him as much as i thought

but you can never really know what is going on in their darling heads
his dad has made no contact all week
so
i think
his father is a utter utter bastard

and thats all i have to say about that
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mistameenah

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Sat Jun 12, 2010 10:47 am

i been figuring as you do when ya head full of the flu
that
being mentally ill is not just about being slightly unhinged
its about being aware too
aware off stuff that "normal folk" just dont see

its like a blind person has extra sensitive hearing, because they can't see

well us folk whom are "unwell" have extra sensitive emotions, we react when others don't.

so we are quite special really

if only we could find a way to use our powers for good

we would be super heros
and everyone would want us

fluey brains talk a lot shit aye
yup
they do
lol
gave me a giggle tho
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