this ones for meeee

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Fri Oct 07, 2011 7:57 am

have been slowing increasing my dose over the last month
i am finally up to a whole tab now
been day three or four
feel a bit manic
and not all that happy
but will wait and see how it goes
coz i have to give it a chance
spoke to the father of my lil one today
he said he isnt ready to give up his addiction
that he will see his son when he is ready
didnt care that it hurts the boy
just wanted me to fix things for our son
wants me to make up shit
so that the boy wont feel bad
he then said that the only reason i was with him at all was because once we got pregnant he stuck around, coz he was the only bloke id had who would stick around
that really hurt
so i am over it
i will make sure my son is ok
but i am over that shit fuck creep of a man
disgusting addict that he is
i know addiction changes you, i was an addict
so i know where his head is at
and coz i know
i can quite safely say
he can go and get fucked
i hope he makes it thru , i do
but me and my kids, may or may not be here for him if he does.
he dun this too many times
and this time
i am over it
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mistameenah

Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Mon Dec 05, 2011 8:17 am

well alot has happened since i was last in here
i had a wee break down
my meds that i was one apparently were what caused it
i had been on them for three years previous, so seemed odd
but my dr said that sometimes they can decrease your dopemine levels and then u just wanna cry
which is what i was doing
i have been on a new drug for the past couple of months
effexor
its a snri
and it seems to be working today
its been playing with my head a bit
but i think i am coming right
im on 150mg and have been for the past couple of weeks
i really hope this one works
it feels like it might.
my big son left school and has casual work at the local supermarket
he is doing really well
my lil son is doing much better
he was seeing a lovely lady to talk to
which has helped
his dad is out of the picture completely
told me he isnt ready to be drug free, so cant be a dad atm
wanker
but at least i made him say it.
so there we go
everything is working out good
i have a new car that is legal!!! yay
i just need a job, otherwise christmas will be off!
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mistameenah

Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Tue Jan 03, 2012 2:40 am

christmas was not like our usual christmas
i felt numb thru the whole festive season
on the 11th of december my friends three yr old daughter was found dead in the river next to her house
we had been looking for her for four hours
when the tide had dropped her father saw her against one of the boats and pulled her out
we are all thankful she has not gone down the river, that the boat had stopped her
but, this has made xmas less enjoyable, i have been helping my mate with her kids, have had them stay with me off and on
their father went loopy took off, got drunk and drugged up
was no use to anyone
was horrible to everyone
arsehole
then i had my lil sons father come bak into our life,
fried up
gave me money, gave his son a cell ph so he can txt or ring any time
but has disapeared again, and wont awnser the texts or phone calls
bastard!!! its more painful to watch than before
why on earth he has done this i have no idea
i guess he thort it was nice a gesture, and was until he decided he wasnt going to talk to his son again.
fuckin makes me soooo mad
so my boy is sad again
i am sad, my mate is grieving for her child, i am grieving for her loss
its all a bit messy
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mistameenah

Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by Fluffy_Ducks on Fri Jun 22, 2012 3:55 am

Hi Mista,

how are things going now?
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Fluffy_Ducks

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Wed Jan 09, 2013 3:03 am

wow
i havent been in here for ages and ages, infact a year has gone by

things have not changed that much
my mind is still bothersome
i did do a 6 month course tho
and i completed it
so that was good
am struggling to find work
so have applied to do nursing degree this yr
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mistameenah

Number of posts : 206
Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28

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Re: this ones for meeee

Post by mistameenah on Wed Oct 07, 2015 11:48 am

Long time no see
This is such a good thing, i have just had a quick read of where my head was at when i started on my meds again
Very interesting. Since then i have had two med changes and i have just come off them all again, about a month ago.
I feel like i have been flat for the last two years!
I actually slept through most of it, and ive put on a shit load of weight.
So now my brain is free again. It feels like i have woken up
I got into my nursing degree, but at the end of last semester, june, my friends son, who was the brother of the lil girl who drowned that i was wrting about above, took his life.
I was very close to him, not so much in last 6 months, but still adored him from afar.
He was only 13
So i left uni
will go back next year
I am still crying about it
Hurts so much.
My kids are doing well, the youngest is off to college next year, the eldest is currently unemployed, has depression and fractured hand. He will be alright though.
He seems to be improving lil by lil

Im so glad i can come and read all that i wrote before.
Its really helpful.
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mistameenah

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Location : auckland
Registration date : 2009-12-28

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