mum to many ramblings

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Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Tue Sep 07, 2010 11:49 pm

Just been to out delivering circulars and doing grocerys. Now feel really sad.I hate grocery shoping. Hannah turns 16 on the weekend we brought her some contacts before she went away on tournament and said they where an early birthday present- but I cant just give her nothing.What a sucky mum I am .,I am not even working- I have had afew let downs and am generaly not even wanting to work.I worked for 11 years with only stat days of nothing else and I dont want to go back to there but nor do I want my family to suffer which they are.
My husband has become even more of a s*x addict and I am so sick of it!!!!! being single looks appealing. He had the big talk about me starting work again and how no-one wants to work but we all have to..and I should really consider looking after kids again but I so dont want to go there again.I have left my name at supermarkets /bunnings and I thought I had made bunnings but after the 3rd interveiw I got the sorry you weren't succesful.

I am sore from deleivering circulars and I am sick of my bloody head ringing all the time. I am so sick of having to watch every penny and everything I eat. I am not coping again and fell so alone. I have rabbits to go and clean out again and am now regreting geting so many but likje anything I do I am all for something like full on and then the next minute I am sick of it! I dont like feeling like that .

One of my freinds was meant to visit me yesterday but didnt show up I had raced around cleaning the house.In some way I was glad as I was able to finish my interfolding but in another way my secret voice tells me that she couldnt be bothered with you and no-one wants to know you.

Ahh well maybe I should just put today down as being a crappy day.



Last edited by kathchris on Tue Sep 07, 2010 11:51 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : oops mispelt weekend)

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

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Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Sat Oct 09, 2010 9:03 pm

So its been a month since last posting- It has had its ups and downs.I have had really bad reflux for the last couple of weeks so have had to up my losec to 40 mg 20 in the morning and at night.I also went and saw my doctor after trying unsuccessfully trying to wean of the seroquel I think they have made me dependant on this drug to sleep.I am so angry at this .I went visiting a friend the other day and she reckons I should look at anti depresants - yeah right just what I need more bloody drugs to make me normal.

I am all over the place at the moment one minute I am looking at becoming a soldier in the salvation army and the next mi nute I am reading books about buddism ahhh I just cant seem to stay on aany straight line if thinking and am really worried about this. I am still teary and still very very easily upset. I have been asked to work in a shop for 6 days and part of me is excited as I really need money for christmas and this would be an awesome opportunity another feels the pressure and last time I did it my tummy was so upset I had a loose tummy and yes I managed to get through it- my irrational thinking thinks what happens if I get sick that week and am stuck in a shop on my own but if I dont take it then my husband will probably think even less of me-and already being in a see saw of feelings this is hard.

do I dont I???


kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

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Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Fri Aug 05, 2011 9:55 pm

Its been nearly as year since I last posted. Alot of things have changed. I have just finished doing 112 hours of childcare .It has been a very busy week but I have coped ok. I have had a plan and that for me has worked well.I have nearly been back doing childcare for 6 months and have done it as my full time job for 3 .The circulars where effecting my hernia. Oh yes that news to I have a hiatus hernia as well as one of the valves has been stretched which also lets up food and I am under a specialist now. I saw him for the first time last month he is running more tests and has increased my acid tablets. I arent eating very well- lots of junk but an ok breakfast and tea.

I am still on Seroquel..bah humbug.. and take either 1 tablet or 1 1/2 tablets pending on my mood.I arent that thrilled to be taking them but dont have alot of choice if I want to get a nights rest.
My anxiety seems to be better to. I am still all over the place at times with decisions and have no direction for my life. I turn 40 in afew months time.How sad. I only have 3 children at home and one of mine who is a uni student I am worried about because all he seems to care about is getting drunk and having a good time.The other 1 is over seas in Europe and seems to be having a ball.
I still feel like a doormat when it comes to my husband and at times wonder if things would be better if on my own. I dont feel as though I get much support emotionally but he does help around the house which is good. He is happy as I am (trapped) doing childcare again. I am still waiting for god to present me with a new job...but hey maybe like everything else thats a bullshit dream!

I still feel really lost and at times am sick of the mundane !

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

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Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by mumtothree on Sat Aug 06, 2011 8:47 am

hay that is great to hear that you do childcare i have often tried to find someone who works in early childhood can i ask do you have bipolar i glad you are coping and you sound like you are doing really well
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mumtothree

Number of posts : 292
Location : Palmerston North
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Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Sat Aug 06, 2011 8:08 pm

I had a breakdown nearly 2 years ago. I was put on anti depresants for my anxiety but they made things heaps worse so after 3 months I was weaned of and put on Seroquel.This has been my saving grace. I am on any where between 1 and 1 1/ 2 tablets pending on my coping /stress ability. I also have to be careful with what I eat/lifting/and general day to day stress but I am feeling more in control which is nice.

I have looked after children for probably 10=11 years. It is hard work and the government restraints on us as carers is increasing.If you have any questions I am happy to talk about my experience.

kathchris

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