mum to many ramblings

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

View previous topic View next topic Go down

mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Sat Nov 28, 2009 8:40 pm

Well I am on day 6 of taking medication for my moods and am on month 3 of feeling unwell with my stomach.I have an ulcer and very bad reflux which makes it hard for me to breath and is worse when I am talking.

My docter has refered me onto a therapist,I am uncertain as to how I feel about this. I have been looking after others children for nearly 10 years and am so tired ...My mum and step dad split up about a month ago she is 60 and to be honest all the emotions that come with this has tiped me over the edge. He has moved away from where my mum is for now but is a lose cannon and so unpredictable. He can be a very scary man but despite all this he has been in my life for 25 years so I am confused why I still feel commpassion towards him and know what its like to feel so down that life doesnt just feel worth living.

I have had a few days of looking after children but am expected to go back next week and work.I am so nervous about this these meds are making me shaky,hot one minute cold the next,My reflux has fleared up as on friday I hade burning in my chest so took some gaviscon (bad mistake) and then took what I thought was my stomach ulcer medication- end result I spent the next 5-6 hours bring this medication back up! I found out afterwards I had accidently taken two lots of anti deppresents. End result my reflux is even worse:(

I have to work as I have 5 children and my husbands income just doesnt cover it. I dont get sick leave as I am what is classed as self empoyed so dont get paid if I dont work.I know I need to take small steps but wish these tablets would stop giving me side effects.I wonder if its worth me taking them sometimes.I hate feeling relieant on them and hate how my body feels.I have lost weight as I am becoming afraid of what effect the food will have on me...

My husband just doesnt understand i think

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by Guest on Sun Nov 29, 2009 11:41 pm

Hi there Kathchris,

I always used to think that my husband would never understand. I thought he would go off the 'deep end' and really tell me to 'be happy'.

I was so totally wrong.

I think we sometimes can misunderstand the strength in our partners. You are both going through such a tough time and need to try and support one another.

I know what you mean about trying to make ends meet, too. Financial strain will put everything out of kilter and make the whole world seem worse.

You feel compassion towards your step dad because he has been your step dad for so long, you can't help that - your human.

As for your medical 'stuff' what does the doc say about that anything?

I do hope it all works out for you - everyting is so stress ful!

What time are you taking out for you?

What time is your husband taking out for him?

Take care,

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Mon Nov 30, 2009 12:02 am

Hi Mylife thanks for taking the time to say hello. I have a stomach ulcer which is giving me very bad reflux to the point of not eating properly as it hurts.
I have thus become nervous about food which hasnt helped. I lost about 7 kilos in two weeks and no I dont have bulima I had a bit of porridge in the morning and would eat a bit of tea and then would feel terrible.So a vicious cycle.

I am not feeling as shaky today so think the medication is starting to be excepted by my body. I am slowly starting to get my energy back and can talk so people can here me . I have still had a few small panic attacks when out in public but dont feel like the walls are going to tumble down.

I have had since last tuesday of so have had a few days and my husband is able to take time of when ever he wants- and its paid to which sucks big time! If I have time of I get nothing Sad Hence the tie I feel to work at all costs.

Anyway hi for stoping buy and extending a warm welcome.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by Guest on Mon Nov 30, 2009 4:29 am

Thats ok KC, good to hear you are not shakey today and that you are slowly getting yoiur energy back...

keep well and safe and I'll check on you later..

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Mon Nov 30, 2009 6:54 am

Just came back from a walk along the river. AHHHH why do I keep feeling anxious ...Its taken the fun out of walking ,going to town,IS IT THE MEDS!!!!!


I am feeling very uptight about starting work on Wednesday , my body is in knots.I know it will help keep my mind of how I am but how on earth am I going to cope with 4 little extras:(

I feel so trapped I just want to be well.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Wed Dec 02, 2009 1:38 am

Well i was meant to start back at work today but last night was so horrible I needed to take a diazapan to settle me down.

I have realised that I trulley cant cope at the moment.I dont know where /when its going to end but for Today I will get through the best of my ability and I am not going to stress about work/money.

I cannot handle it.The meds arent as noticable at the moment I still have moments when I am anxious and tearfull but for today my husband and family still love me and thats inportant.

I talked to my 13 year old last night and told her mum not being well had nothing to do with her.She was very upset as she had seen me totally lose it only moments before.I couldnt control my anxiety to the point of being sick and totaly unrational.

I have my first appointment with my therapist on Tuesday and have asked to see if we can move it forward but havent heard back from her yet.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by Guest on Thu Dec 03, 2009 11:53 pm

Hi there KC have you been to see you doc again, have you managed to bring the therapists appointment forward?

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Fri Dec 04, 2009 12:08 am

Yes I saw the therapist yesterday.They have changed my meds as they believe they werent helping so thats good. My dr has also given me of till the 11th January.So that ok.I feel ok thanks for asking.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Thu Dec 10, 2009 9:40 pm

Well I have had to reduce my antidepresant as it was poisoning my body.I have stoped shaking and my days in general are ok. My stupid cat has had to go to the vet he has phnumonia as well as other complicTIONS as well as a BIG vet bill.Oh so not what I need at the moment.

I have had thoughts of starting work again to help things financialy but you know what everytime I think about it my body starts geting upset.The time I have of is ticking by fast and it fells like A time bomb.

My husband has opened up and is talking to people about me which kinda helps.His SOn has come back to nz he has just got married and is coming down for awhile ...oh just what I need!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Shit and dalmation.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Mon Jan 25, 2010 5:53 am

Went to see my therapist oday she has called an emergency meeting with the head psch! I shit oh dear these f***en tablets are still not working. I am tearfull I have the shakes when stressed and again I dont want to go out and its been 3 monthes.

The money is going to run out and school the never ending money hole is about to start again and with it the bugs>> Oh bother.I need to start work but cant and really just want to run away from this whole mess they call life.Oh to be a child again and not have the stresses of an adulkt.

We have an extra vister which is puting on more financial stress ..my hubby is happy cause his son is here. My eldest starts uni in under a month I was fine till about 3 days ago and now I feel stressed and sad.

I am needing to go more and this to is causing me stress when will this big black hole end its already taken so long I want to be normal again oh why did I let myself be talked into working when I really didnt want to Sad

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by Guest on Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:57 am

Hi kathchris

I was taking medication, called venlafaxine, I too suffered 'bad reflux'. I was prescribed a medication for reflux, sorry i can't remember the name, I will try to find out for you Smile It worked instantly.

Take special care of you

Hi again. found the name of the reflux medication, it is called Losec. I hope this is some way helps. Thinking of you.


Last edited by Freedom on Mon Jan 25, 2010 8:57 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : name of reflux medication)

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Wed Jan 27, 2010 9:10 pm

Well on Wednesday i had to see a pshyc Docter i was having another real downer time and after an hours decussion with him I am now on a weaning of period of my anti depresants .I am quiet nervous about coming of them the doc seemed to think that things will get worse before they get better. Oh joy. I am selling of what I can to bring money into the house but I dont have alot left.I have decided to have a short walk most nights with the hope of geting some energy back and building up my fitness again.My stepson is still down he leaves on manday to go and pick up his wife.School starts again and I am starting to get some stuff ready for my eldest to go to university. I have decuded not to take him up to university I am really upset about him going and dont want to embarrass him and My body is so not handling any extra stress at the moment.My hubby is going to take him and I have 4 others at school that need to get to and from school. My baby rabbits are a week old and are starting to get fur.I keep having dreams that my ex step dads going to come down for a surprise visit this is not something I want to have to deal with but my dreams have often come about. I remeber having one about my son playing soccer and him coming home with a broken up I didnt say anything but the same day after waking up to this dream he played in Rotorua and came home 12 hours later with a broken arm. so I am wondering if my subconscious is geting me ready for his arrival.I wonder what med the docter is going to change me to he did talk about another one that is having great results you just cant get it till you have tried a couple of others first.I hope the new one works we cant survive otherwise their is no option.I said to chris my hubby that if worst comes to worst i will do childcare again- what a dimwit I am I would rather die than do another day of childcare:(

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Sat Jan 30, 2010 10:16 pm

Sunday-baking day.fruit cake and chocolate brownies in the oven.Peant brownies already done just ginger crunch left and cupcakes so maybe another hour left. I bake so that I can feel like I am contributing to my household. At 18 when I first meet my husband I couldnt bale to save my self but 20 years later I am an ok cook.

I havent been very well coming of my meds .I am very shaky and last night felt absolutly shattered I couldnt eat I couldnt do anything but curl up and go to sleep.I am so nervous about coming of these meds I am crying lots and my poor kids are asking whats wrong and why:( I have only reduced to half a tablet a day next week its half every two days and the week after its cold turkey and then they introduce me to whatever they are going to put me on.I was secretly hoping I would be so much better without them they would keep me of the anti depresants . Dreams are free.

SChool starts in a couple of days and then my home will be quiet and I will be alone. I dont enjoy being on my own and younger used to get panic attacks at night only but the few times I have had to be home on my own lately I havent felt to good. MY kayak gets picked up today.I am having to give up my stuff in order to keep us afloat and to be honest I dont see the light at the end of the tunnel zi dont know when this depression is going to lift.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by Guest on Sun Jan 31, 2010 2:16 am

Hi Kathchris

So good to hear you are baking, made my mouth water It is sad selling to make ends meet. I recently sold my mountain bike to pay for my wee dog's third visit to the vet. Though I would sell all for her.

I am thinking of you, but don't know what to say to help. Sending you cyperhugs

I wonder though if there is a medication, an anti nausea med to help, maybe something to ask your doctor.

take care

Poetry

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Sun Jan 31, 2010 6:03 am

Hi poetry I am still on losec for my stomach and the reflux has settled which is good.I have intolerences to some food so I just have to watch what I eat.

Thanks for the cyber hug.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Tue Feb 02, 2010 7:37 pm

Well second week of weaning of these anti d"s. I now take 1/2 a tablet every second day today was the first one I have missed. I took two sequel instead so feel abit drowsy today. I also feel as if I am coming down with a cold first in over a year. Bah humbug!

My boy goes to uni in under 3 weeks and I get introduced to the new step daughter in law tonight whos a docter and I will need to be extra careful not to embarass my hubby. So have a busy day planned starting with lawns. I have some of my test back and am anemic again 5 on the scale of things so am waiting to here backfrom docter and specialist today about other results. A couple of the others where above the norm but dont know what that means.I feel really tired and dazed today maybe I should stick with just 1 tablet. My counseller is here for only 1 more week then goes.I am so nervous about how to cope its not funny paryiculy when I am weaning totaly of.I actualy feel afraid. My father in law goes in to hospital today he has an iregular heart beat and they are going to stop his heart and give him those paddles to start it up agian hoping it will bring his heart beat to a normal rythem.

My head feels totally drained of emotions I dont feel anything...Actually not entirly true I feel in a daze.I hope paddy gets those papers I sent hiim I also snuck in a surprise which I hope will cheer him up.I read others post and they make sense and then read mine and think what a dummy I cant even make sense and here goes those fuckin tears again I wish I could turn them of I will be making tea and they will begin for no reason I so hate this reeling of being so totalyy stupid/dum and not able to do anything right.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Fri Feb 05, 2010 6:41 pm

Felt like Shit yesterday. I dont know whether its the anti d or what but I tell you something if its the anti d's making me feel this way they havent a hope in hell of geting me to take different ones.


I have a sinus cold which I have been coping with pretty well with but yesterday I was dizzy,hot and cold and brought everything back up in the evening.My head was so sore I couldnt think. I took a evening primrose tablet and have made a appointment to see the kineasiologist for wednesday.

I feel so alone its not funny.Chris just doesnt want to know anymore and this make me feel worse. I feel as though I am climbing mt everst.

I burst into tears while talking to my daughter in law and feel so embarrased.I had thoughts that dieing would have been better than to continue this way.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by moonskr on Fri Feb 05, 2010 10:48 pm

i wish i could say something to cheer you a bit, but i wouldn't have the foggiest idea what to say, so please just accept my thanks for sharing, it made me feel less alone to read your post and know i'm not the only one who feels as if no one cares and i'm all alone out here.
Remember someone somewhere feels like they're struggling too and is encouraged to know they're not the only one

moonskr

Number of posts : 122
Location : king country
Registration date : 2010-02-01

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Thu May 20, 2010 11:36 pm

wow another earthquake ..yesterday we had I THINK 11! Its been awhile since I wrote on here so thought maybe I should take the time to do so.

I am still of my antidepresants taking only seroquel at 25mg.I dont feel very happy about being on this but the alternative is pretty..I have tryed coming of it and get depressed again and it makes things feel awhole lot worse.My energy levels have returned thanks mainly in that I have been delivering circulars.I am still desperatly trying to find a job but after a few letters of thanks/no thanks I thought I had made it with bunnings having had 3 interveiws.I found out acouple of days later they had turned me down.You know I was on a real high thinking maybe I could make a differance and do something totally different like working in a shop would have been really cool.Now I feel really unworthy and wonder why the hell anyone would want to employ someone that has a mental issue.I am finding things so tough trying to stay on top of just the neccesitys in life.I cant contemplate going back to childcare in that even though I arent right yet if I went back to kids I would be 100 times worse.Which also makes me feel like shit in that i was good at my job and its a great way to earn a living and yet I just cant do it!

I have been over doing things because I so hate myself and really feel I dont have any redeeming features.I collapse at night from exhaustion and then have to take my fuckin pill that makes feel less to.I have read the feedback from people taking it and know that the longer i am on it the more likely I am to get the side effects.Who in there right mind would keep taking something they know could hurt them!

My so called freinds no longer call me. I dont interact with others any more.I cant say I have been out for awhile.I feel alone.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Thu Jul 29, 2010 10:09 pm

I have just come of 3 days work where I had no product knowledge at all and after the first day I really didnt know if I could cope.I had a nervous tummy which didnt help.
I was starting to think I was betting this black dog but today after an anxiety attack I dont feel that able anymore in fact I am abit teary again and hate this feeling..i so put on a face of coping its not funny..its worse when it invovles the possibilty of leting others down. like today i am, meant to be helping get food parcels ready but because its been such a busy week i really just dont feel like it.I know i am hormonal to at the moment and my hubby has decided he needs and has brought a new kayak!!!
I just dont feel as though I am making any headway today Sad

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by britelite on Thu Jul 29, 2010 10:32 pm


I have days...a lot...where I feel I am not getting anywhere. On these days I tell myself to stop trying to reach any point...as in try to ignore any goals for the day...and put all my thoughts and efforts into whatever the immediate task at hand is...ie..see dirty dishes on the bench, concentrate on creating a clean bench. Nothing exists outside the kitchen...no work with its new products...no husband with his new kayak.
Then whenI reach the end of the day I can congratulate myself for getting there in one piece and I can look back and see that I did manageto get some stuff done for the day.
avatar
britelite

Number of posts : 228
Age : 48
Location : South Waikato
Registration date : 2008-08-17

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Fri Jul 30, 2010 1:31 am

Thank you...your words have brought me comfort.I have spent the last few hours cleaning my rabbits out and then leting them individualy have a run around .I have 7 rabbits so its taken awhile to get them all done.I phoned up to say I was unavaliable till next Thursday at the foodbank.The hardest thing sometimes is giving myself permission not to be wonder woman and in totsl control!

Have a nice day and thanks

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Sun Sep 05, 2010 10:58 pm

Well its been a few months since writing on here. Am i any better of..hmm yes and no. I have tried to wean of seroquel got down to half a tablet but wasnt managing to get to sleep.Major bummer as I dont function without sleep.

Chris had a talk to me yesterday that made me fell inferior again. I have thought of returning to work again with young children and yesterday at the local business show they had some people from daycares that where looking for releivers .I had thought of looking after young children in my own home again but it just doesnt sit well. I have a HUGE fear of tummy bugs and just sit on the edge of being able to cope or not.I have dry hands cause I am constantly washing my hands. When i think of applying for jobs I think about how much risk it poses me Sad

I went kayaking inmy new kayak on Saturday and was so frightened I only lasted 10 minutes. My daughter laughed at me and my husband got frustraed.

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by Guest on Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:03 am

oh man I know that feeling.. I did the stupid thing and bought a road bike in Feb ... the first day i rode it I fell over 3 times jsut standing next to it!. I dont think I've been on it in about 3 months.!

good luck Kath

Guest
Guest


Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by kathchris on Mon Sep 06, 2010 12:27 am

Thanks I used to kayak but have a fear of falling in- I get sh*t scared and because I am so uptight I get a saw stomach.(Any stress I get seems to effect my tummy). I have quiet afew fears.

I got the green light from the Doctor to go back to childcare. I am however slightly confused.I took time of for a mental/physical breakdown. No depression or anything but why do I still not feel in control many months later?My dad has been on antideprsants for 5 years so maybe there is a chance of it being heridity.

My son is home today he has felt really dizzy/yuck and I am trying not to stress but I to feel abit off.I hate feeling so anxious not right. At least the rain is holding of and hopefully my washing will get dry.

My hubby wants me to return to work.And I just cant seem to shake this buzzy feeling in my head at night I dont seem to be moving forward and feel stagneant.I have lost weight which is good and am still on losec daily

kathchris

Number of posts : 60
Location : Whakatane
Registration date : 2009-11-28

Back to top Go down

Re: mum to many ramblings

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

Page 1 of 2 1, 2  Next

View previous topic View next topic Back to top

- Similar topics

 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum