I've never done this before

But I am going to think before I speak..so here goes,

As I shut my eyes and type, my mind asks what depression means to me:

Depressoin means sadness to me, no will to live. A big black cloud with no sun rays. Cold so cold. People want to help, but don't know how to.
Depression is scary..what will I do?

How will I do it.

No talk with my depression. Just shouting and sarcasism. what brought this on? Was it my brothers interferring ways? was it the feeling of not being good enough? is it just the way I am? maybeit is my anger.....so much to be angry about.... intgerferance, bruises, bleeding, tears, no self worth, and believing you were the mistake of the family.

my story is not alone... why do human beings treat each other this way?

depression also means death. part of me has died emotionally. why can't i get up and look after myself... why do I sometimes look ath the glass and think it is half empty.

Depression is crazy ... what will I do?

and how will I do it.

what depression also means to me is happiness. It teaches me things I never though possible....it has taught me that my family love me...even when they seem they don't. It has also taught me that there are some very sick peole around today...and I am not one of them..


Love it or hate it I think it is part of me...a part that not many see..you see I am a master of disguise..

thanks

no worries, was it to confusing? Was typing out thoughts as they happened and closed my eyes... rambling...I'm so good at it.

No not confusing. Shows you are doing a lot of soul searching.

Yes have been doing alot of that lately! Love the cat

well at least I now feel like I am starting to come out the other side,

hmm wish I felt like I was coming out the other side now,

wish I wasn't here at times.

I just seem to do EVERYTHING WRONG! - at work, here and at home.

Just can't get it right. I am so stupid!

Stupid stupid stupid, fat, lazy and stupid.

What is the point in this?

Hey Beth sorry to hear that you are frustrated with everything at the moment. Sometimes it feels overwhelming doesn't it? We wonder how we are going to cope with it all. Please correct me if I am wrong, but I think you are being really hard on yourself. You have set up a business that sounds like it is doing well, you have a lovely family and you are an important part of TBBD family. These are all signs that you are, in fact, doing everything RIGHT!

There is no point, I am just an ant in a big ant family.

Only the other ants are bringing home biscuit and choc crumbs.

I bring home dung..