Mumble Mumble. (Contains swear words)

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Mumble Mumble. (Contains swear words)

Post by Paddy on Thu Nov 12, 2009 4:07 am

I was at a local supermarket today, waiting to be served.

I dunno why these folk feel the urge, but an old coot started yacking and then invited me to 'guess his age'. I did. And I was right. (There's a 'trick' involved, but he didn't notice it). He is 79.

Then, the old bastard asked me how old I am.

'49', Paddy replied.

'No you're not, you're quite a bit older than 49, looking at you.' he says, loudly.

Mumble fucking Mumble. Quite a bit older indeed. Bah Humbug.

For the record, I was wearing faded blue jeans, a crinkled white raw cotton shirt, desert boots and a pair of elbow crutches and I gotta say, right up until that moment, I felt oh, at least only 37 or 38. Get Fucked, ya old Pommy Git. Mumble mumble.

Paddy
D.O.B. 27/04/1960 = 49 YEARD OLD. BAH HUMBUG.

P.S. Replies to this one at your own risk, pffft. Quite a bit older indeed! Evil or Very Mad
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Re: Mumble Mumble. (Contains swear words)

Post by Angelique on Thu Nov 12, 2009 8:08 am

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Last edited by Angelique on Sat Nov 14, 2009 7:15 pm; edited 1 time in total
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Re: Mumble Mumble. (Contains swear words)

Post by Paddy on Thu Nov 12, 2009 8:26 am

A lovely thought, but alas, he was a lot more nimble and 'able' than I.

I was the one wearing specs, he didnt need them, so there! Bastard.
I was the one needing help to stand up, he was waltzing around like a bloody 48 year old -
I'm 49, how could I possibly compete with someone who only acts 48? I ask you? I can't, can I?

Its difficult enough to act my age at the best of times, I can't possibly go up against the likes of a spring chicken Pommy Git. Bah Humbug.

Thanks Anyway, Angelique Wink

OldPaddy
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Re: Mumble Mumble. (Contains swear words)

Post by peterpam on Thu Nov 12, 2009 9:04 am

Oh Paddy sweet, you should have heard the roars of laughter around here, you just crack me up hun. I"m sure being the gentleman you are, that was all said under the breath, lol lol lol. Take care and hugs to you.

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Re: Mumble Mumble. (Contains swear words)

Post by Angelique on Thu Nov 12, 2009 7:24 pm

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Re: Mumble Mumble. (Contains swear words)

Post by Paddy on Sun Nov 15, 2009 2:22 am

Oh Dear.

This next bit actually is not a Rant per se but By Golly, it dovetails rather nicely onto this story. Oh dear. The Times, they are a-changing.

There I was, quietly minding me own business ‘n getting ‘important stuff’ done, when me morning was rudely shattered by the arrival of a brace of me old motorcycling mates. They were not um, expected.

Flash European ‘go anywhere’ style things (I refuse to call them motorbikes ‘cos they were not made in England – therefore, they cannot be) lined up at the kerb ‘n two ridiculous looking semi-armoured old farts stagger up me garden path, on route to ze door.

Untangling myself from some sorta ‘handshake thingy’ I thought I prolly should stick a pot of water on the stove, whilst they fought over who needed the Loo first. Tip: Running water helps older folk make urgent decisions, pffft. I went first!!!

Anyway, as I feared, a Certain Question was asked. It just freakn had to be, didn’t it?

Two old motorbike-days mates not seen for a while, and there is a rather pleasant odour wafting from my stovetop.

Today, of all days. And right now, of all times.

Bah Humbug.

Alright, so I can’t ride a motorbike any more. At least I never dressed up like an armoured and ancient daftvada before getting on a bike.

If I needed protection that me old Air Force Great Coat couldn’t provide, well, that’ll teach me, won’t it, was one of my mottos. Bike Armour Indeed! Tsk Tsk, we are feeling our age, aren’t we, lads, eh? Bet ya both have hankies in ya pockets, too. 'Cos mummy will have checked. Pffft. I dunno.

Oh, and Chaps, I hope that you both really enjoy your ride in, and that both of you get punctures, at about the same time, same wheel, so ya can’t make one bike outta two. That’ll mean, ya gotta push them back to civilization and that armour is going to feel heavy, lads – oh and chaps,
well before that happens, those dish cloths I was quietly boiling in Fabric Softener in the privacy of me wee flat, will all be dry, nice smelling and tucked away for the night. Push ya bastards, push.

Ok, that’s what the smell was from the stove. Fabric Softener, alright? Good. I was giving some dish cloths, a treat. 'Cos Im nice like that.

I admit it. I own and use Fabric Softener and once upon a time, I use to ride big motorcycles – real motorcycles made at the Hub of The Empire; motorcycles which one could rely upon to display delightful quirks : to leak oil, have crap electrics and often, brakes to die for.

Ahhh, those were the days.
And now, Fabric Softener is the days. Hehehe. cheers

NewAgePaddy Laughing
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