Can anybody find me?

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Re: Can anybody find me?

Post by Bella on Thu Oct 22, 2009 7:57 pm

peterpam wrote:A wee poem for you bella, with hugs attached.

Touch my heart,
Feed my soul,
Now to mend this gapping hole,
Love and light descend on me,
And lift me up so I might see.

Thank you so much for that. It is great, and I've added it to my other daily inspirational quotes. I often read them to 'lift' me up, when I'm feeling down.

Bella

Number of posts : 24
Location : Wellington
Registration date : 2009-10-16

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Re: Can anybody find me?

Post by Bella on Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:11 pm

I need to add this last 'bit' to my story. I am lost, although, I'm not sure lost is the right word. I'm not sure, I've ever had the chance to be 'me', and so my journey is now, finding out who the 'real me' is, and what I want and enjoy in life.

Despite the events written above, I can say that after a few years of therapy, medication, and intervention, I do (mostly) accept I am not responsible for the things that have happened to me. I made some really bad decisions, but I was never given the tools I needed to be able to make the right ones. Hopefully now, I do have those.

I have been able to forgive my abusers, hard as this was, it has been necessary for me to move on. HOWEVER (isn't there always one of those)
there is another part to my story that I cannot forgive. A part that makes me so angry that this anger physically manifests itself, when I think of it.

This is my nemesis. The one thing I attribute to my history., and the one thing I cannot overcome.

When my Aunt heard of my appending adoption, she approached the governments Child Adoption authorities. She begged them not to go through with the adoption, as she had witnessed inappropriate behaviour from my father, with her own children. She was supported by her husband, who had also witnessed this behaviour. Together they had made the decision to never allow their children to be alone with him.

Her pleas were ignored, and no investigation appears to ever have been conducted. The adoption was allowed to proceed.

I wish I knew who that person was that said it was ok. I'd love them to read my story, I'd love to see the look on their face when they saw what their 'neglect' of duty, cost me. A deliberate act of incompetence cost me the chance to grow and mature to the person I could have been.

I have trouble with authority, I have trouble with government departments, I blame them for my life and no others. The rest were victims themselves, in their own various ways.


Last edited by Bella on Thu Oct 22, 2009 8:14 pm; edited 1 time in total (Reason for editing : Word missed out)

Bella

Number of posts : 24
Location : Wellington
Registration date : 2009-10-16

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