it started to years ago

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Thu Jun 09, 2011 8:21 am

only really for me the last wek had been so bad i cant't stand it anymoren i did a huge thng and reach out fot mu kw to help but she didnt get thet i was wanting to go back on med an offered me cbt so does this mean that shethinks this is a glumb in a bump or what.

Sorry a littl drugged up today so spelling not the best.

Im so scare of being angry all the time i;mso mean to him is is a pain in the ass but he still ok i am scaring my kids and that is what i cant cope with it i yell my kidz run and hide in the corner it has got to stop it will stop tonight i sure.

Well im going to go i just cant think anymore.

Have a good night
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by nzmum on Thu Jun 09, 2011 3:17 pm

o hun big ((((((((((((hugs)))))))))) am so so sory u are feeling so awful at the mo..wot can i do to help? im worried about you, ur post doesnt sound good the part where you say "it will stop tonight, im sure" scares me cos i not quite sure what you mean by that. want to help k so u need to txt me when u read this plz!

if you need to go bk on meds then u need to k and as for kw well she needs to be made to listen, ill tell her for you or i can go with you to tell her.. anything, but if thats what you want and need then you need to make her understand, know its hard but also no u can do it k.

as for your kids, you are doing the best you can right now, belive me i know thats no comfort when you know what you do effects them, im the same but have to try and accept where things are at for right now and just do what your doing cos your doing your damdest for those boys! you keep working on the anger and the yelling and eventually it will calm down you just need a little a help to get there.. be it meds or mabye the cbt mite help, as long as you are trying you are doing the right thing. your a great mum i know that for a fact and those boys they love you to bits, you can do this ok?? txt me!!!

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Sat Jul 23, 2011 8:03 am

Wow i havent noted in here for a long time so much has happened that i should of written about to keep note well on the 13june i decided it was time to back into hospital and back on medz it had all got to hard also that day i meet my cbt person and started intense cbt it is hard going i was in hospital for about three weeks i needed a bit more time but got kick out as you do came home to a house full of sick kids so that ment no rest and sleepless nights which proved to be very hard so i thought i would try hypnotheyphy wow i came away feeling great so relaxed and refreshed it didnt do what i wanted it to do but it made my sleep patteren increase so i get a regular 5 hours a night and boy for just that it was all worth it i noticed my mood is better but still very unstable so a bit sad about that but hay the sleep is worth it im still doing cbt and takin medz so heres hoping the combination something will give and help improve there was talk of being but on an antidepressiant but i said no so we will carry on with what we have. i hope things get better soon i have a lot of outside stress input to at the moment which is added to my feelings im trying for jobs ive got a friend whoz young boy was flown upto starship to day and she is terrified that he wont make it and i know i cant do anything but i wish i could. life just really sux sometimes. Smile
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Thu Aug 18, 2011 8:10 am

well im back on here i just wanted to note that what has been going on well sleep has gone rough again so that not good and mood is balanced is all i can say.

I have finished cbt still dont know if i understand it and it is ment to be the cure but i dont know.

Im gutted got turned down for two jobs not even as far as an interview this has blown all self confidence that i had, maybe i just not ment to be thats how i feel and i know i shouldnt but i just cant shake those feeling our thoughts from my mind Crying or Very sad
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by nzmum on Thu Aug 25, 2011 10:55 pm

hey you, sori i didnt see this earlier..

sori you didnt get the jobs hun but ya know what? the right one will come along at the right time. dont let it nock your confidince to much, i know without a doubt you will be great at whatever job you get and any employer would be lucky to have you on staff!!

hows ur sleep going now? my is so suckie!! mabye u need another tirp back to the hypno?

hey and how is your friends little boy? the one that was at starship?

talk to you soon k ((((((((hugs)))))))))

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Thu Aug 25, 2011 11:57 pm

Thanks nz mum i have been really down the last few days been willy nilly self medicating to get sleep you know how it is i just sit here and cry most of the day force myself to go out and about but hay thats ok i guess.

Apllies for another one and didnt get that i have no self confidence left now im just not ment to be.

How is your job going? I will try and catch up soon next week sometime maybe.

Hope your sleep gets better even more so know you are working.

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by nzmum on Fri Aug 26, 2011 2:26 am

i was talking to brent the other day and u no what he said wen i told him wot im doing for a job? he said, " are you sure thats a good idea"!!!!!!!!!!!!!! i cant believe he said that!!!!!! dumbass kw!! hoepfully i wont have them 2 for much longer.. new kw is suposed to start begining of sept.

be good 2 catch up Smile

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Sat Aug 27, 2011 8:36 am

you are good at your job what do they now maybe if they were better at theres hope you get a good one soon.
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:10 am

Today Monday the 29th August i sit and cry all day for today my heart had a little piece taken, i had to put down my 12year old dog,RIP Jazz she was truely a part of or family she had been around longer than my older boy but it was her time. Im so upset
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by nzmum on Mon Aug 29, 2011 8:36 pm

awwwwwwwwwwwwww so sori hun (((((((((((((hugs)))))))))))))))))))))) RIP Jazz

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Sun Sep 04, 2011 9:30 am

well im in to halfs i have an appointment with my kw tomorrow but im not sure she is talking about discharge ive only been out of hospital 8 weeks and i dont feel stable but im aware that i have to move on also i just dont know what to do.

Im have anger outburst again which scare me and im havin highs and lowz, my mind is spinning i have had a few things happen in the last week that are not helping and i can feel winding me up putting my dear jazz down i need huge amounts of money for school and billd and i dont know where i will get it from we are broke, and then the whole thing about being discaharge i know i need to breathe and slow down but i just cant.

Arrr i just go to bed crying and cry all day it is just done my head in and i dont know how i will cope and my middle boy is not doing to well at school and is failing national standards which does upset me a little because the school could of told me sooner and i could of been helping him for the last few terms. what do i do.
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Mon Sep 19, 2011 9:52 pm

Wow havent been on hee for a while.
Well good things first i have had achange of medz to see if this helps with anger so just wqaiting, i sleep well most of the time at the moment.
Best of all my little man turned 4 the other day and he had a wonderful day with just mum and him and then his party went really well as well.

Well i havent slept for the past few night due to being woken with my middle man having dreams or my husband so really tired and emotional and today i know someone out there hates me we just get our heads above water and the car breaks down $100 before its even at the garage i just cant win so this has sent me into a blubbering mess my kidz are really going it at the moment i just dont know when its ment to stop or how much more i can do.
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Thu Oct 20, 2011 7:43 am

Well here i am again i will start with the postives i got a job yay
My little man was put on medication which broke my heart but the change has been amazing and it happened so fast.
Well i have the flu at the moment so feel like crap, I havent slept well in a long time now.

I saw my kw the other day and tried to tell her that my mood stabilzer is not working i had been working with the dr to try and get sorted but they just dont get it im ready to scream i just need help but again i cant get it the first thing that my kw asked was how was my sleep and im not worried about sleep i need help to settle my mood and i need it done before tuesday when i start my job, my head is spinning and i have had enough all they offered was beeping phenigun and to up my tegratol but im getting scare that i will run out of that what next i have really had enough again and i cant keep going on like this.

I feel like a grap mum i cant cope with my little ones they are just running a muck and i should be able to cope with them i just feel worthless
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by Maisie on Fri Oct 21, 2011 7:31 pm

Hey, cool that youve got a job! well done!

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Thu Nov 10, 2011 7:41 am

well i have been in my job three weeks and i can say it is harder now then before im so tired i just seem to be grinding along just pushing everything down i cant sleep at night and im ok as long as i dont stop and that is just it im exhausted but once i stop the cloud comes over and i just crash, i dont see the point in talking to kw as they dont help.

I went to the lawyer over a form i had to fill out and basically she said it would be in my best interest to declare i have a mental illness and that just stresses and scare the shit out of me as i have already been discriminated against so arr i just dont know.


i have been back to the dr about middle man and that is not good either as they are doing a test to check and confirm a diganoses of mood disorder but the stress is that the medz he are on at the mo are a miricle it returned my family to normal and with the new med his behaviour will go back to how it was before and worse and i will not be able to handle that i just cant. I hate the way that they play with lives i understand why they did it but they dont have to live with it and they messed with my meds for so long i cant watch him go through the say thing.

I hate feeling so down i really dont see what i have got to be sad about but i just cant help it, it never seems to get better.
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by nzmum on Thu Nov 10, 2011 11:59 am

your doing amazing at your job m23 but you gotta get sleep, mabye a nother trip back to the hypno?

is 1am so not gonna write much rite now but will catch with u soon so in the meantime remember u can txt anytime k xoxoxoxoxox

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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Mon Nov 14, 2011 7:30 am

well the mental health nurses of i you get sleep life will be better is crap ive had two nights sleep and i still feel crap. When is it going to get better im sick of putting on the smile to get through the day i sick of yelling at my kidz because their not behaving i just hate me at the moment, life sux i suck why doesnt anyone just give us a break. ARRRRRRR ARRRRR
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Sat Dec 31, 2011 6:13 am

Well im back here for a short note i went back to see the dr once again and i just really fed up and dont see the point anymore i sick of bein down all the time and not being able to shake it life sux
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Thu Jul 19, 2012 8:36 am

Well it has been a very very long time since ive been here but i was doing ok i managed to get discharge from mental health and have been working for a wee while now but my world is crashing down im so unhappy all i do is yell and scream and then feel even worse for it, i tired and and feel worthless and scum of the earth, ive really had enough now no meds seem to help it just wont go away, and talking about it seems to do nothing but reinforce what i feel.
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by Fluffy_Ducks on Sat Jul 21, 2012 9:53 am

hi mumtothree

i'm sorry to hear you're going through a rough patch again.
xx
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Sun Oct 14, 2012 6:44 am

Wow where does the time go.

Well i went to a friends and she read my cards for me and it was amazing she is a great friend who knows and understands which helps she is always there and has the right things to say and i trust her, well it just proved it today she read my cards and it was so on the money it wasnt funny.

The cards told me i was in an emotional state and they were right four of my cards were so right it was scary one said that to other i appeared incontrol and widsom i think it was then the next said i see myself in a totally different light where im an emotional reck and not incontrol tryin to keep it together yes a big tick and then the next card said i was being told i had to start taking care of me and it is right,
so listen to your friend they may have more insight than you know,
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by mumtothree on Mon Oct 22, 2012 7:01 am

well im on the final legs i have had enough i really dont know how much more i can take i tired and fed up.

I have been moved onto lamotigine but im sick of being weighed down by meds this is the evil of all is the meds/
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Re: it started to years ago

Post by Scamp on Sat Oct 27, 2012 2:11 am

Hi Mumofthree,

Just catching up on the latest posts and looking around the various topics. Stumbled across your latest post. I know what you're going through. It's frustrating and exasperating.

I myself have been trying to get some support. After looking around and talking to various people I finally coughed up $20 and went to my GP for a referral to have a psychiatric assessment. Got the referral and, as expected, the prescription for antidepressants that I didn't want and haven't taken as I told my GP. Had a couple of phone calls from a clinic and they've closed my file. They suggested that I go to a counsellor who are generally useless. They also said that I should go on the antidepressants and I told them that I'm not. They're only to help me sleep which is treating the symptoms and not addressing the cause.

Based on my low view of society I was expecting to be diagnosed with paranoid schizophrenia or delusional psychosis. Apparently being deemed not necessary for even a face-to-face discussion I am taking it that I am mentally OK which means that my low view of society is correct. It's the normal people who fit in society that are the ones who are psychotic or delusional. Medication can soften the minds of people some people so that they fit, so to speak. That's the approach of doctors and their prescriptions.

Not content with their prognosis I have started an in-depth study of clinical psychiatry. There is an excellent library available through the Mental Health Foundation. It didn't take long to find out about the Biopsychosocial (BPS) Model which is what my GP has been using to explain things to me. This was introduced in general medical studies in the 1980s or so and widely recognised by clinical psychiatrists. Like all models it cannot explain everything but at least now I know what mental health professionals should know. It's sort of like noticing that your car is not running well, reading up on the text books that car mechanics have to study and pass their exams, get a good understanding of what's really wrong with your car and then going to a mechanic and talking to them in proper mechanical terms about what's wrong with your car and what the mechanic is to do to fix it. If the mechanic doesn't understand what you're talking about then you know they are a bad mechanic and take your car to another one who hopefully does have a good understanding of car mechanics and can fix your car.

Basically the BPS model recognises that people have three aspects: biological, psychological and social. It is based on a philosophical understanding of health and society called medical sociology. I first came across this concept when listening to a story about the 20th century philosopher called Foucault who postulated his theory which is described as a powerful framework; sort of like Einstein and physics I suppose. Applying observations about myself and similar people I've met and read about (like those written about by Theodore Dalrymple who, amongst other things, has worked as a psychiatrist in a London prison and large hospital in a low socioeconomic area) makes me think that a lot of peoples' mental health problems are actually caused by a maligned society. The standard approach taken by most in the medical profession is to assume society is right and adjust the person to fit in. I tend to think that society should be changed rather than the individual; maybe both. That is a big problem but I think I'm on the right track.

As usual, I am going to do as suggested by the psychiatric clinic and go to a counsellor. I might be able to get across to them my ideas. I'm might end up going back to a psychiatrist and up the Ministry of Health hierarchy with my views. If my ideas are sound then the authorities will not only have to acknowledge them but also do something about it for both professional and ethical reasons. I can see the issue probably being categorised outside their responsibility in which case I will take it up with the the relevant ministerial portfolio. Seeing this is spilling over into a social issue I have a feeling I'll end up having to go to the Ministry of Social Development.

My apologies for pouring all this rubbish out on you here. I'll start a thread elsewhere on TBBD. If you really want to take in what I've been going on about then I suggest you find a nice, quiet place (I go to my local library which is where I am right now), have a relaxing walk (make sure take your time) and then sit down and slowly go through what I've been saying. I would really like to hear what you think. Same with other people too.

How about telling us a bit more about what's going on in your crisis. Talk about your internal and external factors. Internal factors are like your diet (type, balance and amount); self-medication; exercise (type and how often); coping style (meditation, relaxation and leisure); thought patterns; and genetics (similar problems experienced by brothers/sisters, parents, uncles/aunties and cousins). External factors are like your current social situation; relationships and cultural factors. All these might seem to pry but I am sure (would hope) your GP and various councillors have asked these sorts of questions. I'm asking all this for two reasons: firstly, they are aspects of the BPS model; and secondly, it would be helpful to provide each other with good mutual or peer support. I suppose I could go back through the ten pages of posts but you doing what I've asked will condense and encapsulate all the relevant information.

Scamp
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