I'm not sure what to do

View previous topic View next topic Go down

I'm not sure what to do

Post by Charlie on Tue Sep 08, 2009 10:21 am

Lately there have been some HUGE arguments with G and I, and they have been getting louder, and it just feels like he is about to snap a lot more than he used to.
On more than one occasion, he has backed me in to a corner, and makes me feel unsafe.
He hasn't actually hit me, but according to his ex, he hit her a few times, and has a habit of idolizing someone, if he can't get them.

Which makes me even more uncomfortable, because he sees this girl at every single motorsport event. And to make things worse, she is better than me, at everything.

Shes a qualified chef, and has been racing longer than i have, (only just started) and it really bugs me. Her partner is a really nice guy, and doesn't know about her (A) and G urmm 'doing stuff' a while ago. I don't want him to find out, because i know that would hurt him.

But I just feel like it shouldn't be my secret to keep.

Also, the only reason G and I got together in the first place, was because A decided she was going to stay with her partner, and didn't want G. So he settle for me.

makes me feel like sucky seconds.
not fair.

sorry if this stupidly long post confuses anyone else.
I'm just really confused at the moment.

Charlie

Number of posts : 6
Location : Northern Wellington
Registration date : 2009-08-31

Back to top Go down

Re: I'm not sure what to do

Post by peterpam on Tue Sep 08, 2009 4:09 pm

Hi there Charlie, gosh you have so much going on for you at the moment.
I think the first thing you should address is the fact that you are feeling fearful for your personel safety. Honey no one should live in fear. It maybe that G is not aware that his actions frighten you, so I would suggest that you pick a time (very Soon) that you can sit down and clearly communicate how he makes you feel. You need to work out what it is you want/ need from this relationship, then go about getting it. Take the power back, this is your life and you are in control of it. Dont allow others negative behaviour drag you down and if it does you need to move on to bigger and better things. I'm sure you are an amazing person, you just need to tell yourself that, over and over. If you do it enough you will start to believe it. We programme our own minds, we are in control of how we think and feel. When we like ourselves, others like us. Its like a smile, when we smile at someone, we almost always get it back. Start thinking you are the best, instead of second best, stop worrying about someone elses hurt and address your own. Its ok to put yourself first, its ok to say NO this is not want I want, its ok to love yourself. Good luck Charlie, huge hugs to you.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: I'm not sure what to do

Post by imnotfallingapart on Wed Sep 09, 2009 2:06 am

I agree with peterpam. put your own feelings first, and dont let this guy make you feel second best, because if this is how hes behaving then hes lucky to have you at all.

i hope things improve soon
hugs!

imnotfallingapart

Number of posts : 14
Age : 24
Location : Auckland, New Zealand
Registration date : 2009-09-02

Back to top Go down

Re: I'm not sure what to do

Post by Charlie on Sat Sep 12, 2009 5:08 am

i think making this post, was the turning point.
we sat down last night, and had a huge talk, and both have agreed to change things and try to change the big things

the biggest thing, was him telling his ex i dont want her in the house while im there after the last problems

that makes things a lot easier

and as for the other person, im going to keep an eye on that problem and see how it develops
i told him, anyone touches him in a way i dont like, whatever part of their body that touched his, is going to be cut off.
he thought i was joking Laughing

Charlie

Number of posts : 6
Location : Northern Wellington
Registration date : 2009-08-31

Back to top Go down

Re: I'm not sure what to do

Post by peterpam on Sat Sep 12, 2009 5:15 am

Well done Charlie, pleased you have taken control of YOUR life and that your partner is listening. Keep talking, open communication is very very important, but please if there comes a next time you feel theatened, make it very clear you will walk and honey DO IT. Best of luck.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: I'm not sure what to do

Post by peterpam on Sat Sep 12, 2009 5:37 am

Sorry Charlie, I should also mention you need to make it very clear now, before there is a next time, that you will walk, but don't say it if you dont mean it. Say nicely but clearly, this is what I need in this relationship for it to work and to be loving. Tell him, "If you are not capable of this request this is what will happen" (and NO you cannot cut his bits off). Being very clear is very important and following though on your requests is an absolute must.. I'm sorry, I have zero, zip tororance for either verbal or physhical violance, it is not acceptable on any level.

peterpam

Number of posts : 653
Location : christchurch
Registration date : 2008-10-26

Back to top Go down

Re: I'm not sure what to do

Post by Sponsored content


Sponsored content


Back to top Go down

View previous topic View next topic Back to top


 
Permissions in this forum:
You cannot reply to topics in this forum