Re: Helping support partners

by mylife on Sat Jun 13, 2009 12:55 pm

yes he really does struggle with it sometimes.

What am I supposed to do, tell him about my brother interfering with me, about the school bullies, the husband (ex) who used to offer me to his friends, had a different girl for every day and one who used to hurt me physically and mentally?

nah, don't think so Sad

by peterpam on Sat Jun 13, 2009 7:43 pm

Oh hun, I hate to tell you this, but yep tell him, if he loves you as I'm sure he does, he can help. I can relate to some of issues and believe me getting it out there, so to speak, helps one hell of alot. Sweet heart, you have nothing to loose and every thing to gain, share with your best friend (hopefully its Hubby/partner). Good luck and huge hugs.

by mylife on Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:44 pm

if i were to tell him certain things I am sure he would change from the gentle giant i have and .

...kill my brother...and my ex...

by mylife on Sun Jun 14, 2009 9:44 pm

so no, i won't tell him

by peterpam on Sun Jun 14, 2009 10:06 pm

Mylife, only you knows what is best for you, but can I just say a problem shared is a problem halved. I find it very hard to share my life experiences, but when I found who I thought was the right man for me, i personally found shareing (painful as it was) very healing. Because this man loved me for me, he didn't want to kill anybody, instead he chose to support me and hold me when I needed it. You and only you hun, know your partner, so do what you think is best, but if you think you can trust him, I encourage you to share.

by greasemonkey on Mon Jun 15, 2009 3:27 pm

mylife wrote:yes he really does struggle with it sometimes.

What am I supposed to do, tell him about my brother interfering with me, about the school bullies, the husband (ex) who used to offer me to his friends, had a different girl for every day and one who used to hurt me physically and mentally?

nah, don't think so

This is where
finding a great therapist
comes handy.

Opening up to each other within a love relationship
is at the heart of our well-being.
If we are open with our partners
the greater the love experience.

Are we not manipulating our partners
by keeping our truth from them?

by peterpam on Tue Jun 16, 2009 9:23 pm

Interesting comment by GM
Are we not manipulating our partners by keeping the truth from them

Interesting way to look at it, not sure that is manipulating, (maybe it is), but from my experience, by not being open with your partner, you not only leave us worrying about your well-being but constantly wondering what on earth is going on/happening. Lots of unnessesary anxiety for already loving partners.

GM you are a very wise man.

Being honest and open with partner, cuts the pressure on partners. We may well still worry about your well being, but we know whats up. The other plus to you being open and shareing, is that we can trust. We can trust that you are going to be honest with us, therefore we don't need to worry constantly. A whole new demention to your relationship.

by mylife on Tue Jun 16, 2009 11:20 pm

hmm i hadn't quite thought of it being a 'pressure' as such on partners peter,

it is funny, cause deep down i do trust him not to do anything stupid, but *sigh* i dunno, it is a tough one.

by greasemonkey on Wed Jun 17, 2009 1:47 am

We are manipulating when we conceal the truth,
from our partners!
How can we say we truelly Love the One we have chosen to be with
whilst staying closed off?

As I see it,we cant.

Remember,
not all relationships are Love relationships;most are business relationships,
and alot of these work-out just fine, maybe are even more successfull than love realtionships.

Here,Im speaking of Love relationships.

Where ppl go wrong in love-relating is 'not sharing the pants';where power becomes more important than Love.
A person is exercising their power and manipulating their partner
by keeping their partner in the Dark.

How dose One Grow,if theyre sheilded from that which makes us Mature.

by peterpam on Wed Jun 17, 2009 10:12 pm

You go Mylife,
You now have an understanding. Do whats right for you hun, most important is that you feel safe, but if you can trust your partner, just imagine the weight taken off your shoulders.
Maybe test the waters so to speak. Ask him how he would feel if you shared something with him that had hurt you so deeply, could he just be there to support. Go from there Mylife, you may be very suprised. Good luck and thankyou for listening, what ever you decide. You rock.

by mylife on Wed Jun 24, 2009 9:21 am

Thanks about the rocking...when were you spieing peter pam?? hahahaha

I will tell him I guess, just need to pick the moment,

by peterpam on Wed Jun 24, 2009 10:17 am

Puts arms around mylife, cos she deserves a big hug.
Hey, the way I like to think when haveing been in a situation that is scary (and there has been a few) is whats the worst that can happen, and whats the best that can come out of it??. I personnally have found way more good than bad.
Maybe you could look at it this way, hehe, youv'e expossed yourself to hubby before and was he not delighted??.
Runs out of thread very quickly before Mylife catches me.

by Ferrit09 on Mon Jul 27, 2009 1:09 pm

My Wife suffers with Bio Polar & Deprression & I help her lots. She works at local Primary School till lunchtime. So I do the Household chores.I Love her dearly.Been 2gthr 5 years. Got Married February last year.I couldnt ask for A better or nicer Lady.

by Guest on Mon Jul 27, 2009 1:26 pm

that is so sweet Ferrit. I know BiPolar and Depression can be so hard on partners, and everybody close to them. I get the impression your wife is just as lucky to have you as you are to have her.

by peterpam on Wed Jul 29, 2009 6:43 pm

Well done ferrit, you are both so lucky to have one another.