My mind is muddled...

Morning Worried I hope you slept well. Just a thought, I know you have freinds staying, but why not use this time to your benefit. Could you maybe take them away for a couple of days, somewhere nice and relaxing where you too can take some time off.
Hugs

greasemonkey wrote:verysmart in deed......
I will send Him the book information soon
and you can slowly read him to sleep....each night.

Sometimes having someone reading to you its much easier to understand as the Bodymind is more relaxed, therefore open to interiorisation.

Men learn easiest this way.

They put aside their adult-conditioning and love the soft healing murmerings
of their woman purring beside them.

Watch-out though,
He maybecome aroused and plant one on ya!lol

Sounds good to me!!!

peterpam wrote:Morning Worried I hope you slept well. Just a thought, I know you have freinds staying, but why not use this time to your benefit. Could you maybe take them away for a couple of days, somewhere nice and relaxing where you too can take some time off.
Hugs

Would be great to take them away but can't get any time off work.. maybe we could arrange something for next Fri/Sat night.. I'll put my thinking cap on.. cheers for the suggestion.

Slept well...have been exhausted this week but mind on overdrive... needed to catch up so only just up of of bed now but gald to see that it is a beautiful day and i will hopefully manage to get the lawn cut!

Thanks again..i'm off to kick start my day..hubby hungover after a night at the pub with the boys....our guests hungover... AND I"M NOT!!!Yippeee!!..For once i feel bettert then the others around me!

Hope everyone has a good day!xox

Sounds as if you are starting to sort things out Worried. I haven't said much because I think Peterpam and GM are saying it all for me. So far I haven't thought of a single thing to add. Thinking of you and looking forward to sharing your journey on this site.

Morning..oops Afternoon, GM & Bluebird..

Thank you all for your imput and kind words..

My journal is my place to work though my muddled thoughts..and i always look forward to everyones insight once I have had a ramble here.

It took me a full month to pluck up the courage to post here..now that i have started I can't stop!- Should have started my journey here months ago..but at least I HAVE started my journey and i am really pleased to have everyone here come along and share in my journey. At the moment i'm focusing on me and my thoughts..thats why i haven't posted on anyone elses journals/posts.. i think it would be an information overload at the moment, but hopefully as i travel through this journey of my mind i can too help others here through their journeys..

Love & Hugs to all..xox

hi worried,

I am pleased this site is helping you. It sure has helped me!

And yes by being here you have helped others, myself included.

Hope you are ok today.

Evening all.. today has been a good day..partly because i kept myself busy all day long, and partly because i had a good nights sleep last night.. which brings me to todays muddled mind thoughts...

I had a dream last night that my partner and i got married. We have discussed marriage in the past..ie that it would happen some day..but no actual plans to get married in the immediate future..

So to my dream...we were going to get married because getting married would help my partner get better. It was a rushed wedding and only those who could make it on time were there...my mom wasn't there as she couldn't make it on time for the cermony???..My partner was wearing his work clothes (he works in agriculture so they were all stained in grease)..I can't remember what i was wearing but my hair was only thrown together and a slap of make-up on and i was ready. The cermony was really rushed.. and it was only then that we realised that we had no wedding rings.... the person marrying us never mentioned rings so we 'got married' without them- when it came to the 'you may now kiss your bride'...my partner gave me the most sensual kiss ever??...

After the cermony i remember sitting beside his mother..who told me that it was ok to get married without a ring and she produced a brochure of wedding rings..i picked out the rings..without looking at the sizes.. they suddenly appeared in her hand and she gave them to me...i put them down on the table and talked to her for a few minutes. When i went to pick them up they had disappeared???...

It had to have been the strangest dream ever...rings symbolise eternity..etc..does this mean that I do not think our relationship is for eternity?..that i want it to be for eternity (hence my search for rings and disappointment when they disappeared)...but that it isn't or won't be?.. Does it mean that i would compromise my hopes and dreams of a white wedding with a pretty dress (and a good hair day) for the man i love- just to make him better, even though it is not what i REALLY want.

Does this mean that i am truly in love with my partner but have been sacrificing my own happiness to do so?..Because that is what has been happening in reality- i'd do anything for him, and in some ways i'm truly happy and in others i'm not 100% fulfilled.

My mom not being at 'the wedding' also has seriosu significance..i have been given the distinct impression that she doesn't think my partner good enough for me this past year- she and he faught last time they met (about 2 months ago) and haven't spoken since... She would never tell me that I'm making a mistake or what i should or shouldn't do..but knowing that she doesn't approve of our relationship has obviously been playing on my subconscious...She only disapproves because she can see that I have not been well these past months and she blames him for my not being myself. She is only looking out for me, trying to protect her daughter, and i lash out at her for not wanting him in my life- because as i see it- he is my life. I'd be lost without him and probably much worse then i am now with him in my life...

OR maybe i'd be perfectly fine without him and i'd get back to being the strong independant woman i was without him.. but that is a risk i'm not ready to take at the moment....

Enough rambelling for now.. your opinions and insight into my crazy dream would be appreciated...xxx

Your mother does not need to think outside of the square, she knows you for you and who you were. Don't be disappointed with your mum, she is looking out for you and can see things that you don't at the moment. Hug her and say thanks.
You say you were strong, now your not, think about that. Yes, I would think you are truley in love with your partner, but you need to question at what cost. What you need to understand is, YOU by yourself, can not heal him, he needs to want to do this for himself and if he can, then you have a chance.
I so hope things will get better for you both, hugs.

...Why is it that on TV-Like on Home and Away, people who are in love can just simply break up without showing the immence pain involved!

Stupid TV- makes us all think that life can be so damn easy...well it is NOT easy... talk about giving us all false hopes... fairytale weddings...perfect families...easy lives, no money problems...like really how did Rachel from Friends manage to dress so smartly on a Waitresses salary..AND live in a city centre apartment...none of them ever had to say..sorry i can't go for coffee b/cos i can't afford it!...

Maybe i am a silly girl, brought up on fantasy..my favourite film is Beauty and the Beast- i must have watched it a thousand times as a kid... I know life can be good, but not to fairytale standards....but life definitly has to be better then it is right now...

Just wrote a big long entry and lost it all.. obviously took too long to get my feelings down.. couldn't be bothered starting again now.. maybe tomorrow....DAMN it anyways!

Right ..here goes again....

Counselling again tomorrow evening, and although our last session resulted in my head being muddled for the week things are starting to become a little clearer..so i'm excited about what tomorrow will bring and i look forward to my next batch of enlightnment!

I've been ok the past few days, not exceptionally good or bad, just getting by, which i suppose is not a bad thing... although it would be great if we were all full of the joys of life.. but thats not life aye!!

So..last nights post that i lost..well that was an entry dedicated to my partner and how his depression has effected me and made me feel. Just not in the right 'place' at the moment to sit down and open up all those feelings yet again.

Floss you have made my day by letting us know you have decided to go to counselling... i can be persuasive.... that why i work in the field I do.. gentle persuation goes a long long way!!!! he he!!!

I've had a productive day at work today and hope that it will be a productive week... its amazing how the simple things in life can be so difficult some days.. but the days it goes well its great! I feel like i climbed Everest today and am exhausted now but i'm so glad i got to almost the top and am catching up after my terrible week last week.

So thats about it for today..not really in the mood to open the can of worms that is my mind tonight.. but i'm sure after counselling tomorrow night you will all be sick of seeing me posting constantly here again!

Hope all are doing well.. love & hugs!
xox

Good luck with the counselling hun and its good to take a break sometimes, cos some days those worms will just come and bit yah on the bum, lol.