Michelle's Journal

This is a journal about me. How it all started.

I was 18 when i was first diagnosed with Bi polar. I was put onto arpoax and epilim and a sleeping tablet too.
I was on the meds for several years, I went off them cold turkey not long after i met hubby. It worked for a few years. Then i relapsed big time
and ended up back on medication. This time i'm on citalopram and epilim.

When i was 21 i was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder. That ended up being complete untruth. I want to get into cognetive behavioral
theorapy.

It wasn't multiple personality disorder it was borderline personality disorder, i could never remember the name of it.
But i was diganosed with that by psych emergency when i was 21. But Drs said they were wrong.

It all started after my nana died when i was 18, it sent me into deep depression, i stopped eating properly, I was forever cutting on myself, was forever threatening to take my own life, and hated the world and myself. When i was 18 i was put into the mental health system, and they did a psychiatric assessement on me to see if they could get me help. They wanted to put me into one of those flats where i would get supervision when ever i needed it, but it never ended up that way. When i was 19 i moved out of home and into nelson city to get away from an abusive boyfriend. I had a lady that came in to do my housework for me, cause i was often too depressed to do it myself. She was lovely. That only lasted for about 6 months. When i was 21 mum and dad couldn't handle me anymore so they put me in a place in takaka callled te whare mahana. It was ok to begin with. I was in a house with about 9 others and we all got along, and had art classes, and other cool stuff. Then after 2 weeks they put me into a house around the corner with a member that i didn't know. I iscolated myself and attempted suicide. They took me to hospital and stitched me up and put me back into the large house with the others for a week or so, then kicked me out again and put me into another house with some guys i did know, i did a little bit better but not much, i'd been in there almost a year when i'd had enuf and mum and dad came to collect me and bring me home, and when they did, they realised they should never have put me in there. When we got home i stayed with my parents for a few months and then started to go into the city once or twice a week. I joined a place called the white house in nelson which was a drop in centre for people with mental illnesses. We would do 3 hour shifts once or twice a week just to keep the place running and would get vouchers for food or petrol or other stuff for what we needed for doing it. I loved there, i even celebrated my 23rd birthday there and had a massive party. When we left nelson to come home to chch, we had a going away party there too. I still miss the people that are there to this day, wishing i could go back. It was the only place i felt wanted andsafe. So there you have it, just a little bit about me and how my depression came to be. If you would like to know more, please ask.

I got my period today, i'm tired and can't be stuffed doing anything. We got a new entertainment unit today, its nice but its taking so long to put it all up. I'm kinda getting impatient, i don't even think we are going to be able to watch tv in our room tonight. My ankle really hurts today, its like its back to square one, very sore. I want to go back to bed and sleep.

So sorry you are feeling so down today. It is a lovely sunny day, could you go and have a nap outside, it may help a little. Hugs, Judy

We spent the last 2 days totally spring cleaning the bedroom and moving in a new entertainment unit. It finally looks so clean in here and we have more room to walk about in the room. Today is just a lazy day for us. Time for a rest. I'm starting to get around a bit more cause i'm down to using only one crutcher now. Another 3 weeks to go and i'll be cast free and crutcher free, can't wait. I'll be able to get rid of all this weight i have put on over the last few months thats making me feel depressed.

hopefully things will be on the up for you soon dolphingirl!

[b]ok update: we have just had a malfunction with one of the rear speakers of our surround system in our room. It won't go. Now his dad has taken it to have a look at it, but hubby thinks it will be good to just go down, buy a brand new system, along with a new tv ( we have just bought a brand new 32 inch lcd had it for about 3 months) I am hating that he thinks we can spend money that we don't have!!! How the hell are we going to get out of this house if he keeps doing this?![b]