LC - Thoughts of the mind

Alone gives to much time to think and dwell on things, alone is even lonelier than when you are in a group of people and feel alone.

What most excites me?? I am sure that at one stage I would of been able to answer that. At the present stage nothing excites me.

goody.
A time to head within
where all excitement arises from.
At some stage in everyones life
the Soul calls for discovery.
Not the soul that religion trys to sell us from pulpits but the soul
who speaks inside us at special moments
when all is quiet!

When youre alone learn to soften the questioning mind so that aloneness is
a pleasant experience.
Only the minds driver wants excitement, and when the ego is low
thats when you are closest to your maker.

Google,
dark night of the Soul
and become aquainted what happens to all lost people
sooner or Later.
They come up triumpant!

I don't know quite where I am at at the moment. Today I've been feeling quite light headed/dizzy and so didn't manage much at work, managed to do 4 hours. I feel on the verge of tears and not sure why, felt that way yesterday as well but yet don't seem to have a reason for it?? So I'm not fully with it, Rob said I was dazed tonight, he asked me the same question 3 times before I was able to actually answer him

I went to bed earlier, fell asleep, but only slept for just over an hour then woke up and couldn't get back to sleep, so here I am.

I feel confused, over what I do not know.
My mind feels 'foggy', why I do not know.
I feel like I want to burst into tears, why??
I'm feeling a tad hungry, but not hungry enough to eat if that makes sense (and yes I have eaten properly today)

I am thinking that these are maybe side effects of the medication and they've just taken a while to come out. Who knows?? I go back to Henry Bennett on Monday to get discharged and talk to them and doc and such, but from what I am aware the meds I've been put on are pretty new into NZ so maybe they won't be able to help either - the docs that is.

While talking to mum on the phone last night, I was trying to explain the sort of place I'm in, and am thinking that maybe if I explained it like this to the store and office manager at our next week (the 3 of us meet every Wednesday so I can let them know how I'm going and they let me know about grocery etc) then maybe they might understand it a bit more. One of the questions I find the hardest from is 'how long till you'll be back?' the other one is 'how can we help?'.

So I explained it to mum kinda like this:

There's a hole in the ground, thousands of miles deep, you've fallen into this hole, all you see is darkness around you, because you are so far down the light doesn't reach in, there looks to be no way up. You've got to somehow find a way to climb up and into the light, but you can only do it slowly, if you rush it you risk falling back to the bottom, which means that it is a slow and careful journey upwards.

I am still in the hole, but I'm no longer at the bottom, I'm maybe a quarter of the way up, I can see a hint of light, but there is still a long way to go to get to the top again. This needs to be taken in slow baby steps to carefully maneuver my way back. How long will this take?? How long is a piece of string??

You have explained that really well little daffodil. It sounds as if you have a good enough relationship with the people at work to be open with them by telling that story. Good luck. Judy

Thats a really great analogy LC. I find analogy's like that to be really helpful.

Thanks, yea they can be helpful, and I think in a way it makes it maybe a bit easier for someone who hasn't had much dealings with a mental illness to understand where one is coming from in a small way maybe.

logical-cents wrote:While talking to mum on the phone last night, I was trying to explain the sort of place I'm in, and am thinking that maybe if I explained it like this to the store and office manager at our next week (the 3 of us meet every Wednesday so I can let them know how I'm going and they let me know about grocery etc) then maybe they might understand it a bit more. One of the questions I find the hardest from is 'how long till you'll be back?' the other one is 'how can we help?'.

So I explained it to mum kinda like this:

There's a hole in the ground, thousands of miles deep, you've fallen into this hole, all you see is darkness around you, because you are so far down the light doesn't reach in, there looks to be no way up. You've got to somehow find a way to climb up and into the light, but you can only do it slowly, if you rush it you risk falling back to the bottom, which means that it is a slow and careful journey upwards.

I am still in the hole, but I'm no longer at the bottom, I'm maybe a quarter of the way up, I can see a hint of light, but there is still a long way to go to get to the top again. This needs to be taken in slow baby steps to carefully maneuver my way back. How long will this take?? How long is a piece of string??

I know this space well...
you write good too!

When i was last in this deep hole place
during meditation
a light came upwards to me,
out of the darkest space below,
which i bared down upon and didnt release.
I became full of blissfullness and since then
havnt touched an antidepressant.

Continue to be gentle with your self.
Its the only way through,
but stay open to the light which comes from the open direction,
the inner light which is hundreds of times brighter than our Sun!
with love.
gm