JK - my space.

Hello JK, I'm not surprised you've been feeling overwhelmed - hope you're feeling better this morning.

I can only tell you some of the things that have been said to me. Can you 'step back' from your Mum - it doesn't mean you don't care - but to keep yourself from becoming too enmeshed in her decisions.

Sometimes the 'roles' get reversed (Mother/Child) ... I'd certainly be talking to your counsellor about the situation, if you're seeing her soon.

Hugs for you JK ..... Daze

Thanks Daze, I was hoping somebody would reply.

I think I do need to do that. Its just hard - ever since I was young I craved a normal relationship with the mother who abandoned me... and I think growing up its been hard for me to accept that its never gonna happen

Its interesting how the roles get reversed eh? and I dont feel very comfortable with that. Sigh, I guess its good we live far apart. I can keep my distance without offending her.

Hi there Geoff, I have been thinking carefully about how to reply as I read the start of this posting only in the early hours of this morning. Personally I think Daze's advice is pretty much all you can do. I do understand, my mum was bipolar and had two children from her second marriage. Guess who had to be 'mum' not only to the two babies who were 13 months apart in age, but also my mother and cook for my stepfather. I am not trying to make this about me but just trying to point out that I truely come from a point of understanding. My mum is dead now and our relationship never reversed into the type you crave from your mum so I have no advice on how to make it happen or even how to accept that it maybe it never will. Whatever life has thrown at you, you appear to be an exceptional young man. Well educated, articulate and brave neough to share your feelings. It has taken me nearly 60 years to get to where you are already at. Huge hugs to you.

Most of you are aware that there have been a few dramas around here and I am still tossing up between whether I should delete my membership or not. It really is a tough call because this place has really come to feel like a second family to me and I have met so many kind souls here.

But I have a few strong beliefs and a big part of my journey towards beating depression has been learning to be assertive, and learning to disassociate with things that make me unhappy. Some might suspect that I am being stubborn, and I think I even I agree with that, but I also take pride in the fact that I stand up for what I believe in.

Recently I have become very dissapointed with the administrator of this site. Yep Paddy, I'm afraid that means you. I have 3 gripes with you and I hope you will listen, not because I want to have a go at you, but so hopefully you can avoid situations like this happening again.

Firstly, you need to be able to seperate your personal life from your role as "Manager" here. Whether you believe it or not Paddy, I have spoken to others here and everyone (bar one) agrees you HAVE overreacted. You have let your own personal issues cloud your better judgement. There are 2 things I regret here recently, the joke I made that upset you, and mentioning another memebers private address in the chatroom. Face it, the latter was a much bigger mistake but that hardly phased you. No, it wasn't until you personally were upset by something I said that you overreacted and went schizo. Not cool, and not professional.

The second thing I object to is your "I'm the boss around here and its my way or the highway - you might not like it and if you dont bugger off" attitude. It is dictitorial, and in my opinion, you have too much faith in your own judgement (see previous paragraph!). I strongly recommend you bring others into your moderating circle, and a private forum where they can discuss issues. You have clearly demonstrated your inability to moderate alone.

Finally, I object to your censorship here. On multiple occasions I have seen you lock threads simply because you didn't like what was being said. It really seems like your on a power trip Paddy, and need to come down off your high horse.

To the general membership here (everyone except the dictator), I am slightly disappointed in you too. Because you fail to be heard. I know many of you disapproved of the way Paddy handled that situation but nobody stepped up. I realise we all have our own issues, that we dont want drama, that you dont wanna get involved, that you dont like to rock the boat... I just feel disappointed that I'm the only one to stand up for what I believe in.

Is there any way for these issues to be addressed without me leaving the site? I'm not sure... I think Paddy has shown he's pretty stubborn and I guess I am too.

I am sad to go as I feel I have become a big part of the family here. I have helped shape this forum into what it has become. If any members want to stay in touch with me, there is an option on my profile to contact me via email.

Paddy, I ask that you keep this message intact and my membership enabled long enough for other members to read it and be able to contact me. I sincerely wish all the members here well in their journeys and their fight against the big black dog.

Regards,
Geoff (jaffakiwi)

I am feeling very suicidal.
I wont do it but I hate my life so much... I dont know what to do.
Who cares though right? I've burnt my bridges here......

fuck it. fuck it all.

Hi JK, how did your lunch with Roswell go? Sorry you feel so bad today, catch up soon I hope. Old bridges aren't so bad to burn now and again we can always build new ones going to the same place. Even the harbour bridge is getting a bit old anc creaky but where would we be without access to the north shore?

Morning Jaffa, I wasn't sure if I even wanted to responsed to your post, but feel that I need to.
I am sorry that you are feeling as you do, but strongly feel I need to add my 2cents worth.
Clearly there was a problem with chat the other evening and people have been upset. You have your opinion and others have theirs. I would like to say I think Pat does a wonderful job. No matter how you feel, someone has to be boss and from what I have seen and experienced here on TBBD, he has done a pretty good job,. This site has been brought about, due to a hell of a lot of hard work by Pat, because he cares, so lets not forget that.
Lets also not get caught up in this rubbish of whos right and whos wrong. There is so much more happening around this place, just incase you haven't noticed, its not all about you, about me or even Pat, its about getting and giving support to those who really need it and if you have alook around guys, your energy and wisdom could be better used.
Jaffa I want to offer you support, as I do others, but please, if you are going to stay, can we move on and support not attack.
I for one, want this to be a safe, careing enviroment, please lets try and keep it that way. Hugs to everyone.

I really second all of that peter pam - lets just move on please?

And keep this a safe and caring environment,

Best wishes to all.

I would like to sincerely apologise to all for my behaviour the past two weeks. I don't want to make any excuse - my behaviour has been unacceptable.

This is an important website to me, and I really regret that I have offended some people.

Paddy, if you will have me back, I accept your rules, the fact that you make the rules, and the 'probationary' period you have imposed on me. Could you please delete the posts that I've made in the last few days? Both in this thread, and the 'open letter' thread.

I do want the best for this site, and the people here.
Please forgive me.
JK

I can't speak for anyone else but a HUGE welcome back from me.

Welcome back JK,

see you one chat soon?

Good on you JK - good to see you! ......... Daze

Well done JK, welcome back

welcome back JK!!!!!!!!!!!!

thank you...you have just slipped a sunny spot into my day by returning to us...and I can use every sunny spot I can get right now...thank you

Thank you guys, I really appreciate the love and fuzzies.

I am being well looked after by the Student Wellbeing Co-ordinator at my university. She is calling me every day that I dont go in to see her. She has spoken to my lecturers regarding flexibility with assignment deadlines.

This weekend I am going back home to Gisborne, just to get away, forgot my troubles and look after me for a bit.

I feel optomistic about the near future.

Thanks,
JK.