it started to years ago

Hi Thanks for your thoghts no things are just getting worse my two youngest are now sick and on medz so are up and down through the night, i'm at the end of my teether and i don't now how much more one person can take, sorry to moan but i do now that you understand with littklies of your own so many poeple just don't get it they just say don'y get up to them ignore them but you can't.

Oh god yeah MT3, I hear you, I would so come round and take the pressure off if I lived near by. No I cant ignore my babies, in fact, i am so fine tuned that if I hear the tiniest cry I am instantly awake. Even If I could get my partner to get up to them I would just be lying awake listening, and even then I would probably have to get up to double check they are ok.

Hugs to you MT3, things are hard enough for you already. If you wnt to PM I am always around.

xx Floss

well today was my first phycologist appoinment today i did not see the point of this but i'm sure it will unfold as time goes on. I'm feeling pretty crappy again i just don't know what to do anymore, i had to omit defeat today and ask to go back onto drugs so feeling a failure as i can not work throught it by mysefl at this time of my life i feel so out of control i've never been here before and i really don't like it. I wish i could just get over it. It was the first day of the school hols i so didn't cope i don't want to be around the kidz and i feel so bad that i don't want to be around them what kind of mum does that make me it hurtz so much.

well I have not been into my journal for awhile and i need to get things out.
Yesterday i went to the counsellor and had a good talk but came back feeling not the greatest I told her about hubby and that i just don't now what to do now i'm so tired of fighting life and just trying to live one day at a time i'm so unhappy i feel bad for my kidz as i'm not there for them and when i am i yelling i now this soundz very repeated and it is but i just don't know what the hell to do anymore i've had enough my kidz deserve so much better I9'M A FAILURE

Ok lets back up a bit mum,

Your children would idolise you no matter what. A mother is that special person in thier lives ..

If I remember correctly you have boys - who especially need thier mum.

They do not deserve better.

They have the best - the best you can be at this time - do they not?

Do you have any family or friends you can lean on for a good rest? Even to stay for a few days to get over this 'hump'.

That might be all it takes to get you back on an even keel.

I have been at the place you are at and know what you are experiancing. Please do pm me, I am willing to listen, and no - I don't get sick of reading the same stuff over and over, because I can so relate!

Hi There i just thought i would pop in and say hello things went down hill all week but i just couldn't get the right words out to ask for help when asked did the usualk i'm fine well hit me on friday i had to take zoppies to make myself go to sleep so i didn't do anything my hubby came home and called the cisis team on me and was admittied on friday night. so that me for now don't know when i will be out at home having leave at the mo the bugger is i had to have my leave revoked also as i ended up in hospital. thanks for your help guys may see you in the future.
Clare

well what a last few weeks i'm home on extended leave from hospital until Monday then i go back and will hopefully be discharged. I had to make the hard decision to go back on all my medz but it is the best i'm feeling better so it must be good so will try the drugz for a while, and enjoy the leave that i've got and just take it easy.

Really pleased to hear that you are feeling a little better and that your hospital stay has been helpful. Hope that you enjoy your extended leave and that the last few days of your hospital stay reinforce the good work you have done.

well just a note to myself i've been on my medz for about two weeks and today i just feel like i have hit the wall. i was feeling numb not really feeling anything which was better than before but now i'm sitting on the couch just feeling low and crying i have not slept right for the last three nights so that will not be helping but i'm hoping it will go away tomorrow after a good nights sleep but i'm also scared that it wont i know it is silly but i'm worried
i'm feeling a bit mixed up saw phyc on tuesday and she told me she was leaving the service at xmas so i feel let down again i know that is silly but i do i feel like every few months i have to relive my horrid parts of my life and i'm still not getting anywhere.

well all is going well i have been to the dr and she said i have a hormaanal inbalance which i'm not sure what this means for me but hopefully i will get somewhere. i have increased my medz so this has helped and i do feel better which is great so not sure if it is all hormones or what because surely if it was the medz would not make a difference but hay we can only wait and see.

Sounds encouraging so far. Keep us posted on how it is going. Judy